


Hope in Front of Me

by lanibb2013



Category: Doctor Who (2005), field of blood
Genre: Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Cousin Incest, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Long-Term Relationship(s), Parent-Child Relationship, Slow Burn, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Violence, strong father/daughter relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:07:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 48,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3695186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanibb2013/pseuds/lanibb2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Field of Blood/Doctor Who AU<br/>Pete Mclltchie/Past OC (female)<br/>Pete Mclltchie/Clara Oswald<br/>Pete has a daughter (Penny)</p><p>Pete marries a young wife and she gives him a child when he is 45 years old but dies during child birth leaving him to raise his daughter by himself. He is so depressed over losing his wife he spirals into a deep depression and alcoholism. He doesn't neglect his little girl but she just wants her papa to be home more. He's a hack journalist at the Daily News but doesn't really have any friends except Paddy Meehan that he befriends because he liked her spunk. Nobody at the newspaper knows he has a daughter. He later meets a young woman looking for a place to stay who's a baby sitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU story where Pete lives and has a daughter he has to raise and the trials he runs into being an alcoholic and raising a child. They have a very strong father/daughter relationship. It will mostly focus at least for now on the father/daughter relationship. It's another one of those plot bunnies that randomly popped into my head. Well guess it's going to be a Pete/Clara tale. Will update tags as I go along.
> 
> The first chapter is the Introduction and small back story.  
> A Stor - My treasure  
> Mi gràdh thu, Mo ionmhuin A Stor - I love you, my beloved treasure
> 
> This story was inspired by this song:
> 
> Hope In Front Of Me  
> By: Danny Gokey
> 
> I've been running through rain  
> That I thought would never end  
> Trying to make it on faith  
> In a struggle against the wind  
> I've seen the dark and the broken places  
> But I know in my soul  
> No matter how bad it gets  
> I'll be alright
> 
> There's hope in front of me  
> There's a light, I still see it  
> There's a hand still holding me  
> Even when I don't believe it  
> I might be down but I'm not dead  
> There's better days still up ahead  
> Even after all I've seen  
> There's hope in front of me
> 
> There's a place at the end of the storm  
> You finally find  
> Where the hurt and the tears and the pain  
> All fall behind
> 
> You open up your eyes and up ahead  
> There's a big sun shining  
> Right then and there you realize  
> You'll be alright
> 
> There's hope in front of me  
> There's a light, I still see it  
> There's a hand still holding me  
> Even when I don't believe it  
> I might be down but I'm not dead  
> There's better days still up ahead  
> Even after all I've seen  
> There's hope in front of me
> 
> There's a hope still burning  
> I can feel it rising trough the night  
> And my world's still turning  
> I can feel your love here by my side
> 
> You're my hope  
> You're the light, I still see it  
> Your hands are holding me  
> Even when I don't believe it  
> I've got to believe  
> I still have hope  
> You are my hope

Pete Mclltchie was a lonely man who fell in love with a woman 20 years his junior. In 1976 it was not a common thing so they kept their marriage quiet to save both of them from winding up in the paper. He was the happiest man in all of Glasgow the day his wife, Mary, told him she was pregnant. He was a very private man so they decided to wait until the baby was born to make the announcement. What neither of them planned on was that Mary would have complications and die during child birth. Mary was only able to sign the birth certificate with him before she died. They named their beautiful little Girl Penelope but Pete would always call her Penny. He loved his daughter with every fiber of his being but she had the lovely raven hair of her mother when she started growing up as well as Mary's beautiful bright blue eyes. Just looking at her sometimes made him cry and to try and hide the pain he started drinking to the point that by time Penny was 5 years old he was a 50 year old alcoholic. He kept forcing himself to work because he refused to be called a bad father. Whatever Penny needed or wanted he got her. She was always the first thing he thought of everyday. Even when he was drunk he rarely came home useless. He had one neighbor that disapproved of him drinking but knew his little girl always came before even his drinking. The woman's name was Maureen McWall and she would watch Penny during the day while he worked. She knew he was pretty drunk when he came home smelling of whiskey and cigarettes but it was never enough to say he was going to neglect his daughter and he was always home by dinner. He only got completely drunk to the point of falling down once a year. That day was his wedding anniversary. That night his neighbor was supposed to keep Penny for the night because he was unconscious by time he hit his bed but for some reason after she was able to walk she was beside him in bed the next morning. After the first 2 years of her sneaking back home he just gave up trying to keep here away from him when he was like that but he told her she had to stay with him until he woke up or she would be staying at the McWalls again. He was surprised that by time he came out of his coma like state Penny was still right next to him..

In the beginning Penny didn't understand why he father smelt funny all the time but by time she was 5 she had figured out he was a drunk and that was because Mrs. McWall told her. She worried about him all the time because he was a pale, thin except for a slightly pudgy soft belly, sickly looking man and his hands always shook especially on the weekends when he was with her all day long. She knew he loved her. That she never doubted her whole life. He never rejected her if she wanted his attention when he was home and made sure she had everything she needed. She just wished he'd spend more time with her when he wasn't working. There were days when she had to drag him to his bedroom, prompt him to change and lie down. She would curl up in front of him. She would sigh in relief when he finally wrapped his arm around her before falling asleep. She had slept with him since she was a baby so he could keep an eye on her and they never changed that habit because they only had one bed. He always slept with his arm wrapped around her so he knew if she moved. She was always drawn to his scent and tended to stay with him. He smelled of smoke, old spice, peppermint and a bitter smell that got stronger as the years went by that she later realized it was whiskey. His clothes as well as his breath smelt like the whiskey all the time so she never realized it meant he was drunk. She just thought it was normal for him to smell like it because it had been present her whole life as far back as she could remember. Sometimes he would recite poetry by memory to her or tell her stories to lull her to sleep. Once a year her papa didn't come pick her up from Mrs. McWall. She would wait until the woman was asleep and then sneak out back home to find papa completely out of it. She couldn't get him to wake up no matter how hard she tried. She just would curl up next to him and fall asleep.


	2. Father and Daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete spends time with his little girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very vague mention of disgust at Incest

Pete looked at the clock on the wall in the news bar and realized he had to get home so he finished his drink and stumbled out of the bar. He got home by 5pm and stopped to pick up Penny at Mrs. McWall's apartment. He bent down on one knee when his 5 year old daughter ran over to him and picked her up. He asked, "Ye been a good girl today, Penny?"

Penny played with his glasses but didn't take them off his face because she knew he didn't like her doing it. Then she proceeded to tap his red nose. She giggled, "Yes, papa."

Pete smiled and said, "That's my girl. Have ye had dinner yet?"

Mrs. McWall said, "Yes. I made her something to eat seeing as you are always drunk when you come home. Wouldn't want the poor dear to go without eating. If you don't stop this you will drink yourself into an early grave. Then what would happen to your daughter then, Mr. Mclltchie?"

Pete replied, "Thank ye fer feeding her and good night, Mrs. McWall." He never was very good at dealing with busy bodies that stuck their noses in his business. If he didn't her to babysit Penny he'd avoid her but she was the only one to care for the daughter of a middle aged alcoholic newspaper hack. He didn't own much but he made sure Penny had a happy home life. He set her down once they got in the door and lit a cigarette and held onto it while he made a cup of tea for himself and a plastic cup of juice for Penny. He was standing at the counter staring into space when he felt a small pair of arms wrap around his legs. He took another puff on the cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray on the counter before ruffling her curly raven hair with his hand. He asked, "What's the matter, A Stor?"

Penny asked, "Ye all right, papa?" 

Pete had to smile because Penny was developing a Scottish accent. Of course having a Scot for a father that you spend a good amount of time with tends to do that. He no longer bothered lying to her about anything anymore because she was bright for 5 years old. He did sometimes try to ignore some questions if he could. He poured and fixed his tea before taking a sip. He felt the grip on his legs loosen so he walked over to his sofa. He sat down and set his ashtray and cup of tea on the end table next to the sofa where he was sitting. When Penny hopped on the sofa with him he let her settle with her little head resting on his chest and hand on his tiny soft belly. 

Penny asked, "Papa? Ye sick?"

Pete slurred, "No. Just pretty drunk."

Penny asked, "It my fault?"

He wrapped his arms around her tiny shoulder and sighed, "No, A Stor. It's not yer fault. Me being messed up has never been yer fault. Yer the only reason I am still sober enough ta function at all. Mi gràdh thu, Mo ionmhuin A Stor. I don't want ye ta ever forget that. Ye are my baby girl until my dying breath. No matter what happens I'll always love ye."

Penny didn't understand why papa was a drunk but she still loved him. She hoped someday he would tell her but until then she would do her best to take care of him and make sure he knew she loved him. She asked, "Papa? Can we go ta the park?" The silly way he moved his head was funny and a bit like a bird.

Pete coughed a few times before rasping, "All right. We can go Tomorrow." It was his day off and he would be spending it with the shakes all day because you couldn't take a little girl to a bar and she was with him for the next 2 days. Weekends were always the hardest for him because he couldn't get a drink but as painful it is he would always pick spending time with Penny over getting drunk any day. She was his only joy and really the only reason he was still living. Honestly if Penny hadn't been born he probably would have killed himself by now.

Penny sat up on her knees and kissed his cheek and replied, "Thanks, papa." He wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. His breath smelled of whiskey and tea but she didn't care. She was just happy he was here instead of at that bar he spent a lot of his time at during the week. She felt his arms wrap around her in a hug. After a few minutes she let go and settled back against his side again.

When Penny was settled again he lit a cigarette and took a long drag and held it a minute before he blew it out. He coughed a couple of times and felt Penny clutching at his waistcoat over his belly. He rasped, "Papa's fine, Penny. It's just a smoker's cough. Nothing ta concern yer pretty little head about." He carded his shaky fingers of his free hand through her beautiful raven curls. He had her keep her hair a little above shoulder length right now. When she got older she could have it as long or short as she wanted but right now he was the one who brushed her hair and thought the semi-short length was the best for a man with shaky hands to manage to take care of without ripping it out of her head. She had inherited his crazy curls ad her mother's raven hair color. He crushed out the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray and took a swig of his tea. He hadn't eaten all day but he wasn't hungry and was glad the neighbor had made sure Penny had something to eat. He was really tired but he wanted to spend time with Penny that was sleeping. Every weekday he came home at 5pm and spent time with Penny until 9 or 10pm before they went to bed unless he was so drunk he was beyond staying awake. 

Penny asked, "Can we play a game, papa?"

Pete replied, "All right. Ye go pick one out, okay?" When he said ok it sounded like he spitting out hookay because of his Scottish brogue and that he was slurring a bit. When Penny came back with Candyland he smiled and helped her set it up. He had her giggling at his antics while they played. One thing he was very glad of is that he was a natural at making his little girl laugh. When he sees her smile she's a beautiful as her mam was and had no doubt when she grew up he would be chasing men away from her with a cane. After the board game was finished he asked, "Ye want ta learn how ta play poker? Get the cards." He was surprise at how quickly she learned how to play the game but was also proud because he knew she was a bright girl. She was much brighter than he was himself and very observant. By time she was 5 she could all ready read and write, see right through his lies and avoidance of questions. She knew he was a drunk every night when he came home and she knew that there was a reason why he was an alcoholic. She could also tell when he wasn't feeling very well at all.

Penny was giggling the whole night at how silly her father was acting. The only thing that really worried her was that he looked like death warmed over. She had heard Mrs. McWall say that about him when he looked like this another time. He just looked ill and like he hasn't slept in weeks. She knew he didn't sleep well because whenever he would get up in the middle of the night she felt him jar the bed as he struggled to sit up. She'd always reach and grab his pajama top and he'd mutter a sorry to her before standing up. She would let him go but would be worried about him until she felt his weight settle behind her again. Tonight was no different. After they had changed and she was wrapped up safely in his arms she was woken some time later by him getting up. She grabbed his shirt as usual and asked, "Papa?"

Pete couldn't sleep so eventually he went to get out of bed but he never was very good at not disturbing Penny. He was a weak man and always had a hard time sitting up without a struggle. He sighed, "Sorry, A Stor. I didn't mean ta bother ye. I can't sleep. I'm going ta get up fer a while. Ye go back ta sleep, love."

Penny let go of his pajama top and watched him put on his robe and slippers in the dark before leaving the room. She never slept very well when he was up like this in the middle of the night. She was scared without him there because she felt safe, loved and protected when he was next to her. She missed his comforting presence when he wasn't there.

Pete went out to the little kitchenette they had and decided to try a glass of warm milk. Sometimes that helped him when he had trouble sleeping. He had a cigarette while he waited for the milk to warm on the stove. Part of his problem had to do with his stomach hurting so he wound up eating a couple of cookies to try and settle his stomach. The cookies and milk did help his stomach enough that he felt he could try to sleep again. He knew Penny hated it when he got up like this because she was used to sleeping with him there since she was a baby. He knew Penny wouldn't sleep while he was gone even though he told her too. Sooner or later he would be forced to figure out a different sleeping arrangement but for now it worked for both of them. He was her father and protector. How some fathers could do the sick things they do to their kids he'd never understand. He adored his little girl but had no desire to do anything inappropriate to her just because they slept in the same bed together. Sick people that think like that just made it hard on fathers who just love their kids and let them sleep in their bed simply because the child feels safe with them. He stubbed out his second cigarette and went back into the bedroom. He took his robe off and slipped back into bed ob his side facing her. He felt Penny roll over to face him before curling up with her head tucked in against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her protectively and finally managed to nod off to sleep.


	3. Meet Clara Oswald

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete takes Penny to the park and meets a nice young baby sitter

The next morning Pete woke up with a hangover and a dry mouth. He rolled and covered his head with the blanket and had to smirk as Penny burrowed under the covers and smiled at him as she lightly poked his soft belly. He grabbed her and pulled her close while she laughed and continued to poke him. He finally started tickling her until she gave up trying to poke him anymore. That didn't do much for the pounding in is head but he was glad it made her happy. She settled down and curled up against his front facing him clutching at his shirt. He kissed the top of her head and held her until he decided to get his old hung-over ass out of bed to get something for his god-awful headache. After a bit of struggling and Penny pushing him he managed to sit up. He put on his glasses and after he got his slippers and robe on he stumbled out to get coffee and some pain killers. Then he started breakfast for Penny because she needed to eat. He lit a cigarette and decided on making eggs and toast. He was thankful that Penny wasn't a picky eater. When he was done cooking he called, "Penny? Breakfast, love." He wasn't sure why he started calling her love but he knew why. She was the only thing in his life that he loved anymore. He set his coffee down on the table with his ashtray, pack of cigarette and matches. He was flicking the ashes off the end of his cigarette into the ashtray when Penny got to the table and on her chair. He only made enough for one meal and whatever she didn't eat her would finish because he never was hungry anymore. He only ate what she didn't because it was the only way to keep her from hounding him about not eating.

Penny watched her father and knew he had to be feeling terrible. He was pale as a sheet, she could see the pain written on his face and in his eyes, his hands were shaking very badly, and the slightest movement cause him to groan. As she watched him smoking sometimes he would miss the ashtray because of the shaking of his hands. When he finished his cigarette and placed his hand on the table she reached out and covered his long thin fingers with her much smaller hand. When he looked at her she could tell he was sad. She said, "Papa? Ye ill? We no need ta go out if ye feel ill."

Pete gave hear a small sad smile and replied, "I'll be all right. I promised ta take ye ta the park. What kind of papa would I be if I didn't keep my promises? I refuse ta break a promise ta ye. Ye'll get enough of that when ye grow up from other people. Liars the whole lot of them....I work with way too many...Only Paddy is a decent girl. She likes me....I have no idea why..... But I am happy fer..... one friend. Sorry, love. Papa's..... rambling again." He tended to ramble on about stuff to try to distract himself from needing to drink when he's with Penny. He knew she probably thought her old man was mental.

Penny had gotten used to him talking nonsense on the weekends. She didn't mind because he was spending time with her. She found his gravely, halted speech comforting. She loved him so much and relished the weekends when she had him all to herself. Even if they were just sitting together on the sofa. She loved it when he read to her while they sat on the sofa together. She squeezed two of his fingers in her hand and said, "I like ye ta talk, Papa. Eat, please?" She pushed what was left of her breakfast over to him and smiled when he ate it without a fuss.

After h had finished the little bit of eggs and toast that was on the plate he saw Penny watching him. He said, "Come're, Penny." She came over and he helped her onto his lap. He helped her balance so she was straddling his thin thigh and had her arms wrapped around his neck with her cheek on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her back and they just sat there for quite a while. He heard her start to sniffle and asked, "What's the matter, love?"

Penny sniffled, "I love ye, Papa. Ye not well. I worry."

Pete sighed, "I'm not ill, love. This is what I am like sober. It's normal for a drunk like me. I'm always sober on the weekends while I am with ye. Now dry those beautiful eyes and lets go get dressed ta go out for a while, Okay?" He told her the truth because he had promised a long time ago not to lie to her anymore. He knew she didn't really completely understand what he was saying but she does trust him. In time as she got older she would realized the impact of what he's told her over the years but right now she trusted him to be ok if he says he is. He let her hop off his lap and take his hand dragging him to the bedroom. He got her into cotton knee length dress with flowers on it and black leggings with canvas flats. He laughed at the absurdity of his life. He had 4 suits with waistcoats, 4 dress shirts, 4 ties, 8 pairs of boxers and socks, 1 robe, one pair of dress shoes, slippers, 1 trench coat, and 2 pairs of pajamas to his name. He never really needed much for himself. He made sure Penny had a lot of outfits which totaled about 20 of various different ones with socks to match, about 15 pairs of underwear, about 10 pairs of shoes, 10 night gowns, and a couple of good winter jackets. It was spring now so it was fairly warm out most days. He had her sit on the bed playing with her gray stuffed bear, and changed into a brown suit with a matching waistcoat. He decided to skip the tie and just leave the top 3 buttons on his dress shirt unbuttoned for a change. When he was fully dressed he got his cigarettes and lighter from the kitchen table before collecting Penny. 

Penny took his hand and stayed close to her father as they walked to the park. When they got there she looked at him. He told her to go play with the other kids but to make sure she stays where they can see each other. She watched him sit down on a bench near the swings and played with the other kids. She would look back at him a lot and wave at him. She smiled when he waved back and noticed many of the times she looked at him he was smoking. One time she looked back he was talking to a women sitting next to him. After a little while she ran over.

Pete looked at his watch and realized they had been in the park for 3 hours and he had smoked half a pack of cigarettes but Penny was obviously enjoying getting out of the house for a few hours. He didn't notice the woman sitting next to him until she started talking to him. He turned and looked at her and couldn't believe someone as beautiful as she was would ever bother talking to him. He said, "Sorry? I didn't realize I wasn't alone." The woman was about 5'1" tall, had long brown hair and brown eyes, a pretty round face and was thin but a healthy weight unlike himself at 6' tall and 120 lbs. 

Clara Oswald had brought the two kids she was babysitting this week to the park to play with the other kids. She saw a middle aged man sitting on a bench by the swings smoking a cigarette watching a group of kids intently. He was sickly looking, long and lanky, terribly thin, had graying light brown curly hair, and a lot of lines on his face from what she could only guess was a hard life. He was wearing thick framed glasses, a suit with a waistcoat. She was wondering what he was doing there and why he was so intent on a single group of kids. She was thinking maybe he had a grandkid and was estranged from his family. She stood next to the bench he was sitting on and said, "Um, Hello." He didn't answer her at first. She gently touched his shoulder and he looked at her in surprise. She asked, "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

Pete shrugged and replied, "If ye want ta sit go ahead and sit."

After Clara sat next to him she realized his clothes reeked of cigarette smoke and whiskey. She noticed a hint of mint and some type of spicy aftershave but it was overpowered by the other two scents. She did notice she didn't smell whiskey on his breath which meant he was stone cold sober today. She held out her hand and said, "I'm Clara. I'm here with two girls I'm babysitting today."

Pete looked back at the young woman when she introduced herself and replied, "Pete. I'm here with...ooof..A Stor, Please stop running in ta me like that, love. I'm old and ye might break something."

Penny mumbled, "Sorry, Papa. Ye push me on swing? Please?"

Pete replied, "All right. I'll push ye on the swing." He got up and went to follow her but realized he had been rudely interrupted with Clara. He sheepishly said, "Sorry. Swing duty."

Clara smiled and replied, "That's all right. You go ahead." She watched Pete pushing the little girl back and forth on the swing. She could see they loved one another but she still wasn't sure about who they were to each other. The little girl was giggling like crazy and he was just smiling fondly as he pushed her higher and higher on the swing.

Pete kept pushing the swing when Penny asked to go high but at a certain point he said, "Ye are high enough, love. I don't need ye ta fly off. Ye might break something and I'm not strong enough ta carry ye ta hospital." He heard her finally agree with him. When she finally stopped swinging he went back to the bench he had been sitting on. No sooner had he sat down then Penny was straddling his legs and wrapped around his neck.

When they came back to the bench she asked, "What's your name, hunny?"

Penny looked at her father and when he nodded she looked back at the pretty woman and proudly replied, "Penelope Mclltchie."

Clara smiled and replied, "Well, Penelope. It's nice to meet you. I'm Clara Oswald. I was chatting with your granddad here when you ran up and drug him away." She saw an odd look cross Pete's face but she was surprised about the little girls reaction.

Penny got defensive and firmly replied, "Not granddad. Papa."

Pete was just going to leave it be because even though it hit a nerve he understood how she had made the mistake. Penny on the other hand always had to defend him. He said, "Penny. It's not important. Easy mistake. I am old enough ta be yer granddad."

Penny insisted, "ye not, Papa."

Pete sighed, "Doesn't matter, love."

Clara watched this exchange and realized he wasn't called papa because he was the girl's granddad. He was called papa because he was her father. She said, "Oh. I am so sorry, Pete. I just thought...I should have asked. You have a beautiful daughter."

Pete replied, "That's all right. I see how ye got that idea. A man my age should be a granddad by now but I married late in life."

Clara asked, "Where's your wife?" She saw the despair in his eyes for a second before he hid it.

Pete replied, "Mary died during child birth 5 years ago. Penny's all I got left."

Clara replied, "I'm sorry. I seem to be sticking my foot in my mouth all the time right now. You're a single father then?"

Pete replied, "Aye. It's just me and Penny. I work during the week and the neighbor has been watching her for me."

Clara asked, "Where do you work?"

Pete replied, "The Daily News. I've been there a very long time. Most of my big stories though were in the 60's and 70's."

Clara suddenly connected, "Oh wow. You're Peter Mclltchie. I didn't connect it before you told me Penelope was your daughter."

Pete sighed, "Aye. That's me. Although I'm not much more than a hack nowadays but it still pays the bills and with Penny here that's what's important."

Clara said, "Do you happen to need a babysitter? You won't have to pay me if you let me live with you. I'll cook, clean, watch Penelope, anything you need me to do. I just need a place to stay until I get on my feet."

Pete stammered, "I only have one bed and it's a very tiny apartment. Me and Penny bunk together. The only other option is the sofa."

Clara smiled and replied, "Sofa's fine. I do apologize for being so forward but I'm not asking to sleep with you. You didn't seem to happy when you told me the neighbor watched her."

Pete replied, "All right. I'll give ye a try for a week or so but if it don't work ye will leave. Ye don't tell me how ta raise my daughter. Ye don't tell me what to do or complain about what I do. Ye also will not judge me or how I live ever or ye are free ta leave. The only exception is if it starts affecting how I treat Penny. Then and only then will I allow ye ta say something ta me. Ye will also never try ta take Penny away from me. Do ye understand?"

Clara replied, "Yes, Pete. I understand."

Pete sighed, "All right. Ye can meet us here tomorrow afternoon. Have a good night, Clara." He then had Penny get down and stood up so they could walk home.

Clara said, "Pete? Thank you. I promise you won't regret it."

Pete replied, "I certainly hope not, Clara." He figured having Clara might be good for Penny because that old battle axe was not the right person to watch her really. He was just hoping it didn't bite him in the ass. Also this way if something happened to him maybe Penny would have someone in her life that she knew other than just him. The weekend he would let her have off and he would stay with Penny like he did now. It kept him sane and sober two days a week to have to keep an eye on her.


	4. Getting to Know Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara moves in with Pete and Penny. She spends the day watching and getting to know them.

Clara met them in the park the next day with her suitcase and other few belongings and followed them back to their small apartment. She mostly spent the day familiarizing herself with the layout of the place and where everything was kept. Most of the time though she watched Pete interacting with his daughter. He played board games, card games, hide and seek, and let her win most of the time. When they weren't playing games they were curled up on the couch with his arm around the girl's shoulders while she leaned into him. She did notice that there was no alcohol in the apartment and was pleasantly surprised because she had surely thought he was an alcoholic. She found out how he liked his tea and that he liked black coffee in the mornings. The apartment smelled strongly of smoke and had a faint smell of alcohol but she was guessing it was because his clothes reeked of it. She was a bit confuse of the contradicting information she was getting. She had decided that regardless of whether he was an alcoholic or not he seems like a very dedicated father. That little girl was his whole world. The love between the two of them is obvious and very deep. She did notice that sometimes they were so much in their own world together that they forgot she was even there.

Pete once in a while watched Clara when she didn't know he was looking because he wanted to see if she was capable of accepting things the way they were in his life. He knew she would clean and probably rearrange cupboards and that sort of thing which was fine seeing she would be probably doing most of the cooking and cleaning. From what had learned about her yesterday she seemed like a trustworthy and kindhearted young woman. He usually was a pretty good judge of character and that was the only reason he invited her to stay with them even after being as forward as she had been. He had to pay the neighbor to watch Penny but this young woman only wanted a place to stay and meals which she was going to be cooking anyway. The money he would save from the neighbor would make up for the extra food that needed to be bought for her to eat as well. He also wouldn't have the nosy busybody telling him he was a lousy useless drunk every day. He has a fairly easy going nature and as long as Clara didn't try to interfere with his relationship with Penny he didn't really care if she stayed. He decided he wanted a cup of tea so he put on the kettle. He said, "Clara? Ye can make yerself at home. Whatever I have I am willing ta share. Just don't throw out something without talking ta me first. If ye have any doubts or questions just ask and I'll try ta answer them. Ye have ta forgive me I'm not much of a chatterbox. Only had Penny and she don't mind me being quiet. Now would ye like a cup o' tea?"

Clara looked up from where she was sitting at the kitchen table in surprise when he said something. She had been there for almost 4 hours and this was the first time he had said anything to her since the park. She smiled and replied, "Yes, Pete. A Cup of tea would be nice. Thank you." She had noticed Pete practically always carries his ashtray everywhere in the house with him. She watched him leaning against the counter smoking a cigarette. The only way she could honestly describe him as is tired. He didn't look as ill today as he had yesterday and the lines on his face were a little less pronounced than they were the day before. She suddenly realized he had been in pain the day before and he wasn't today. She also noticed that his hands shook badly and wondered why she hadn't noticed it the day before. She asked, "Are you all right, Pete?"

Pete looked up at her voice and sighed, "Aye. I'm fine. Just tired. Penny's had me running around all day and I'm an old man. I tire easily but I don't mind. It keeps her happy."

Clara replied, "You're can't be that old."

Pete chuckled, "This from the woman that called me a granddad?"

Clara replied, "You looked older yesterday. Were you ill? The lines on your face are not as pronounced as they were."

Pete sighed, "I had a bad headache."

Clara smiled and replied, "You looked like you might have been in pain but I didn't realized it until I saw you just now because you look a bit younger."

Pete shook his head as he put out the cigarette in the ashtray. He said, "I am still old enough to be your dad and Penny's granddad." He found two mugs, poured them both a cup of tea and got a couple of cookies each before sitting at the table and lighting another cigarette. 

Clara said, "Thank you. I can make dinner now if you're hungry. I just wasn't sure when you usually ate."

Pete coughed before saying, "Penny usually eats around 7am, noon, and 5-6pm every day."

Clara asked, "What about you? You eat meals with her, right?"

Pete replied, "I don't eat much. She always comes first and I finish whatever she doesn't so it doesn't go to waste but I don't tend ta bother making my own meal."

Clara sighed, "No wonder why you are so skinny. Well that's going to change. You need to eat properly. You look like a bloody living skeleton. You are going to start eating a decent meal. I'm cooking and you are eating, Pete. You will do as you are told." She almost laughed at his eyebrows raising almost to his hairline.

Pete's eyebrows rose in surprise at the bollocks this girl had to give him orders in his own home. He should have been pissed off but lord help him he was turned on and actually liked her bossing him around. He could see this was going to be an interesting arrangement. He chuckled, "Yes, Ma'am."

Clara smiled and patted his arm as she went by saying, "Good. Now let me make dinner." She was starting to realize that he often has a spaced out look on his face. It was like a mix of confused and blank. That seemed to be his normal look when he was at rest. She decided on pork chops, potatoes, and green beans. She said, "You need more groceries tomorrow, Pete. There isn't anything I can make for dinner if someone doesn't get them." She watched him struggle with trying to remember where he had money to the point that he rubbed the heel of his hand against his forehead in frustration. She was starting to be curious if he always had memory problems. like that. 

Pete had been watching her while she moved around the tiny space like she was used to it. He replied, "Um. Would ye mind terribly doing the shopping as well? I don't ever really know what ta get since I don't usually eat. There's money in the....um.....Robert Frost poems....on the bookshelf in my bedroom. Sorry. I....change the book each time and then I forget where I put it. If ye stay....I'd like ye ta hide the money. That way...I have no idea where it is and won't be tempted ta take it. Ye will know it when we need things. Penny's money I keep.....somewhere I can't remember right now. She knows where it is incase papa forgets. I.....do that a lot. I'm getting old and forgetful. Penny....is a very special girl. She takes care of me s lot more than she should. She worries a lot....about me. I love her with every fiber of my being. She is my hope and light in a world of endless darkness. I'd....be lost....without her." His voice cracked on the last sentence and he stopped talking. He felt a hand on his shoulder and took a drag on his cigarette he had lit when he started talking. He forced himself not to cry and took a shaky breath.

Clara had noticed by the end of his long winded speech that Pete was about ready to cry. She gently squeezed his shoulder and let go when he lightly patted her hand. She said, "We can sort out the details if you want me to stay later. As for the shopping..I can do that in the morning after you go to work. Is it all right if I take Penelope?"

Pete whispered, "Aye. She's a good girl and shouldn't give ye no trouble. Excuse me." He walked into his room and sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands and cried. That's the way he had always been. He cried and mourned in private. He had to look strong on the outside but he was a complete mess under the surface. When he finally was starting to compose himself again he heard Clara call him to dinner. He yelled, "Be out in a minute, Clara." He finally was satisfied with his composer and walked out and sat at the kitchen table next to Penny like he always did. He ate his dinner mostly because Clara kept watching him. When he ate enough to satisfy her he saw her smile. He lit a cigarette and puffed on it while he finished his tea. He said, "Thank ye, Clara. Ye are a good cook."

Clara smiled and replied, "You're welcome. Glad you liked it. Is there anything you'd like me to make for you?"

Penny cheerfully said, "Lamb. Papa loves lamb."

Pete sighed, "Penny, love, hush. Ye can make whatever ye want. I'm not picky."

Clara chuckled, "But you do love lamb."

Pete blushed and stammered, "Aye. All right. Lamb is my favorite meal."

Clara gently placed a hand over the top of his that rested on the table and replied, "I'll see what I can do about making Lamb some night."

Pete stammered, "Ye don't have ta do anything special for me."

Clara squeezed his hand and replied, "I want too, Pete." She watched him smile a half smile before nodding and smiled back. She then gathered up all the dishes and washed them. She wasn't sure why but she really liked Pete and just wanted to please him. He was being kind to her after all without even asking why she wound up in the middle of Glasgow with very little to her name and no place to live. She flinched when he suddenly came up behind her and touched her shoulder with his hand. She felt him backing away stammering an apology. She turned around and grabbed his arm before he could get away.

Pete didn't understand why but he felt the need to touch Clara. He liked it when she touched him so he assumed she liked to be touched as well. He touched her shoulder and she flinched. He wasn't sure why but he felt like he had just been stung. He backed away stammering, "I'm sorry, Clara. I just thought..Please don't say anything. I wasn't trying ta do.....It won't happen again." He was surprised when she whipped around and grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving. He couldn't blame her for slapping him if she wanted too. He wasn't trying anything funny. He was only trying to be friendly but if he had thought about it before he did he would realized she would probably look at him as a dirty lonely old man for just touching her in any way. When he felt her gently push him back to the table and having him sit he did as he was told. The last thing he wanted to do was make her angry.

Clara finally looked at him and realized he was suddenly terrified of her for some reason. It hit her after a few minutes that he thought she was angry and going to get him in trouble. She realized she needed to tell him what happened to her. By time she had made the decision he had his head in his hand bent over on his knees. She knelt in front of him and pulled his hands away so she could see his face and said, "Pete? Look at me. That's better. My reaction has nothing to do with you. I'm not sure why but I somehow know you would never try anything. I also can tell you are not used to giving or receiving affection from anyone except your little girl. I'm not upset because you touched me."

Pete stammered, "Ye not? Why did ye flinch like I burnt ye? Never mind...None of my business. I won't ever touch ye again."

Clara sighed, "No. I don't want that. If you want to show me affection it all right...It will just take a while for me to get used to being touched by a man again. I ran away from Blackpool with very little because I was in a Relationship with a man I was running from. He was a violent alcoholic. He used to beat me whenever he was drunk and angry. I wound up in the hospital with a miscarriage and ran away as soon as I was released. I ran as far as I could with the little money I had."  
Pete stammered, "I'm sorry.....If he ever finds ye I'll beat him with a Shillelagh. I guess I need ta tell ye though.......I'm an alcoholic. I give ye my word I'd never hit ye. I don't believe in hitting women. I've gotten in ta a couple of fights with men who beat their women."

. Clara replied, "I had a feeling you might be an alcoholic. No offense but you smell like one. You might want to think about getting your clothes cleaned a little more often. Then there is the fact that you hide money from yourself. I will admit you at least care if you have money for food and things for your daughter."

Pete asked, "Why did ye pick me then if ye knew I was a drunk?"

Clara replied, "I don't know except that I saw something I rarely see in a drunk. You may be an alcoholic but you don't have any booze in your home and you have been sober the last 2 days. That shows me you have a conscious and care about what your child thinks of you. You are not so far gone that you don't care about anything except your next drink. You are sober right now for Penelope's benefit and that's also probably why you don't keep any alcohol here. You don't want her to think it's all right to be a drunk by her watching you drink all the time. I think that you try to be a good man even though you are an alcoholic. You are flawed but not self-centered or uncaring. I watch you with Penelope and know you are capable of love and that love will always make you choose her over a drink if you had too. I understand what you meant by she is your light and hope. You also have realized that you are her hero even as flawed as you are and you try to give her a good example at home. So why did I pick you? Because even though I thought you were an alcoholic, you are not a drunk because part of you still shines through brightly past your flaws."

Pete replied, "That was quite a speech. Ye'd make a good news reporter. Ye are very....uh.....eloquent with yer words. Ye are right that Penny will always come first. She's....all I have...left. The only one who cares about me. I have not lied to her about what I am. I hate liars as much as I hate men that beat women. I'm aware that she thinks......I am her hero. She is young.....someday she will learn.....I am no hero. The only thing I'm hoping is that she may say I was a drunken hack reporter but I was a GOOD papa. That even though I was a hypocrite I taught her right from wrong and loved her with ever fiber of my alcohol soaked body. That she was the most important person ta me in the world."

Clara said, "I care about both of you."

Pete sighed, "Thanks for the sentiment but ye don't know me yet. Ye may not care once ye know me but that's not required. Just don't make my little girl pay the price if ye find out ye don't like me."

Clara moved closer and hesitated a minute before giving him a hug so he could reject it before she did it. As soon as her arms went around his thin shoulders she felt his wrap loosely around her back. She kissed his cheek as she pulled away and said, "Let me finish with the dishes. Just don't sneak up on me, yeah?" When he nodded she went back to putting the dishes away and washing them. 

Pete was baffled by Clara's hug and then kissing his cheek. He held his hand to his cheek where she had kissed him with a goofy look on his face for a while. Once he snapped out of it he went to check on Penny who was playing on the floor in the living room with her stuffed animals. He sat on the sofa next to her and watched her. He placed his ashtray next to him on the table and lit a cigarette. He laughed when Penny hopped up on the sofa with her toys next to him. When she was comfortable with her back against his side he ruffled her curls before placing his hand in his lap. He put out his cigarette and closed his eyes. He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep until he woke with a start when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder. 

Clara had sat and watched Pete sleep for about 4 hours before she woke him up and said, "Pete? Maybe you should go to bed, yeah? It's 10pm. Penelope is in her nightgown and in bed. Come on. Do as you are told." She gently pulled his hands until she got him standing and then guided the half asleep man to his bedroom. After he started undressing she closed the door most of the way and left him to change. She checked on his sometime later to find him in his pajamas fast asleep curled around Penny. 

Pete managed to change into his pajamas and crawled on the bed on his side. When Penny scooted back against him he wrapped his arm around her and said, "Sorry, Penny. Papa's here. Go to sleep, love." He felt Penny relax after he kissed the back of her head and then after a while they both went to sleep.


	5. Defending Paddy Meehan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete defends Paddy from the letches at work, gets drunk and winds up late getting home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going with an established friendship between Paddy and Pete. Skipping past the time he would have died. Instead he didn't get liver cancer. He went into the hospital for something that could be treated. But their friendship became closer after that and he feels protective of Paddy like a daughter.

The next morning Pete came out to the kitchen to find coffee, breakfast and Clara waiting. He reluctantly ate breakfast before taking a shower and getting dressed. He grabbed his cigarettes, house key and matches before remembering that Clara was supposed to get the groceries. He rummaged through the drawer in his desk and found what he was looking for. He tested the key on the lock and then handed it to Clara once he knew it work. He said, "If ye plan on getting food today ye will be needing this. Ye can keep it unless ye leave. At that point I will want it back, okay?"

Clara was glad when Pete ate breakfast without a fight. After he had showered she admitted HE smelled better but his clothes still needed to be cleaned. When he handed her the key to the apartment she smiled and replied, "Got it. Thanks." She watched him run out the door and went to get Penny ready for the day. She was walking the girl down the hall to the stairs when she ran into a middle aged woman. She said, "Hello. I'm Clara. I'm staying with Mr. Mclltchie. I'm also taking care of Penelope here."

The woman looked her up and down before drawling, "Aren't you a little young? Should you really be staying with an old lush like him? He's not worth anything. Only good thing I can say about him is he's a good father to his girl. That's the only reason I let them be but I don't like him."

Clara coldly replied, "I don't know who you think you are, lady. But I will tell you this. I am old enough to live wherever and with whomever I wish too. That man that you disapprove of may have a lot of flaws but he is a nice and kind hearted man. He's also a very loving father. Now if you will excuse me I have shopping to do. Come along, Penelope."

The woman said, "I'm just trying to save you the heartache. He used to be a decent man until his wife died. Then he became a hack and a lush. He hasn't been the same since that day. I doubt he'll ever be able to love anyone again and you'll just get your heart broken."

Pete got to the newspaper and started working on the story he had before the weekend. He looked up when the guys started picking on Paddy Meehan and yelled, "Leave the girl alone. She hasn't done anything ta ye. Just let her be."

One of the guys jeered, "You like fat girls then, Pete? Maybe you'd like to sink your cock into her, yeah?"

Pete growled, "I said ta leave her alone. She's a nice girl and deserves ta not be treated like you chauvinistic bastards treat her."

Another guy laughed, "He does want ta screw the little cow."

Pete had about had enough of this shit. He got up and socked the last one that spoke and growled, "I told ye ta leave her alone!" He felt a hand holding his arm and saw Paddy. She shook her head and he walked out of the place and stood on the stairs trying to calm his temper. He heard a noice and looked up at Paddy.

Paddy asked, "Dr. Pete? Are you all right?"

Pete sighed, "I need a drink. Tell no one."

Paddy grabbed his shoulder and waited for him to turn back to her. She said, "You didn't have to but thank you for what you did for me back there. You are a good friend to me."

Pete nodded and replied, "Yer welcome, Paddy. Ye deserve better." He went to the press bar and drank 6 whiskeys by time Paddy showed up looking for him. 

Paddy was worried when Pete didn't come back to the office by the end of the day. She stopped at the press bar to find him in the back corner where he usually sat and wondered how many whiskey he had already drank. She saw him look up and notice she was there. She sat next to him in the booth and said, "I've been worried something happened to you."

Pete sighed, "Thank ye fer caring, Paddy, but an alcoholic. Where else would I be but in a bar?"

Paddy sighed, "You're my friend. I'm going to worry anyway. We are friends aren't we, Dr. Pete?" She was afraid that maybe she misread him.

Pete gently wiped a tear off her cheek and quietly replied, "Aye, Paddy. We are. Thank ye fer being my friend. I haven't had one in a long time and I couldn't ask fer a better one."

Paddy smiled and said, "You are a good friend too, Dr. Pete."

Pete took a swig of his whiskey and scoffed, "I'm an old alcoholic hack that hates how ye are treated at that place because ye are a woman. I defend ye because ye are my friend and I like ye but that doesn't make me a good friend."

Paddy replied, "I think you are a good friend and that's all that really matters."

Pete sighed, "Okay. If ye say so."

Paddy said, "You may want to go home soon, Dr. Pete. It's getting late."

Pete looked at his watch and realized it was 6pm. He grabbed his things and mumble, "Clara's going ta kill me. I was supposed to be home by 5pm. He stumbled out of the bar and bid Paddy a good night as he stumbled home. When he got there fell going up the steps and cursed before pulling himself to his feet and finally made it up the stars and through the hall to his apartment. He couldn't find the door knob because it kept moving. Eventually he saw the door fly open and grimaced at the look on Clara's face. 

Clara could smell the whiskey on his breath and scolding you were supposed to be home by 5pm, Pete. You are SO lucky I live here or I would be furious with you right now. When you say you are going to be home by 5pm I expect you to be here. Do you understand?"

Pete winced and replied, "Aye, Ma'am, So sorry."

Clara sighed, "Good. Your dinners getting cold. What happened to your hand? it's all black and blue. You didn't get into a bar room brawl did you?" She had noticed him his when she touched his hand and the knuckles were all black and blue.

Pete replied, "No. I punched one of the other hack's in the newspaper office over being rude to Paddy."

Clara chuckled, "You punched a guy you work with over a woman?"

Pate replied, "No. I punched him over being rude to a 16 year old girl. She's my friend. Only one I have."

Clara sighed, "Not the only one. I'm your friend too, Pete. Now sit down and eat you dinner."

Pete ate as much as he could before he just couldn't eat anymore. He slurred, "Sorry, Clara. I can't eat anymore, love."

Clara took his plate and covered what was left and put it in the fridge. She said, "All right. If you want sometime you can invite Paddy over for dinner sometime. I make enough for 4 people anyway because there are 3 of us."

Pete said, "Nobody knows about Penny, not even Paddy. I never thought ta tell her. I am a very private person."

Clara said, "Well. I'm sure she'd be fine with you having a little girl. If you would rather I not be here I can find somewhere else to go for a while." She saw him looking at her with that stoned look again. She suddenly realized that must be a normal look when he was drunk and it just carries over when he's sober. Makes him look a bit like a stoned owl. Almost would be cute if he wasn't drunk.

Pete looked at her as his sluggish mind registered what she had just said. He mumbled, "No. Ye are not going ta disappear. I don't give a shite what anyone thinks about ye living here. I want ye here. I'm getting ta like ye. Even if ye are a bit bossy. Ye are part of my family if ye live here, okay?" He reached out trying to take her hand but kept missing it. When he was about to give up he realized Clara grabbed his hand. He squeezed her hand and smiled shyly.

Clara squeezed his hand back and went behind him where he was sitting. She wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and said, "Thank you." She felt him grasp her hand and kissed his temple and cheek before letting him go. She finished cleaning up while he had a cigarette and then shoved him gently off to the living room where Penny was playing.

Penny had known papa was home but she let Clara make sure he ate dinner and let them talk for a while. When she finally saw him stumbling toward the couch she wrapped her arms around his legs and chirped, "Papa!" She suddenly realized he was not standing on his own very well. She asked, "Ye drunk?"

Pete replied, "Aye, A Stor. Very drunk. I need ta sit down, love." He felt Clara helping him to the sofa where he unceremoniously plop/fell into it. He didn't feel this drunk when he left the bar but it had been an hour since then. He had to admire how Clara wasn't saying a word to him about it either. He felt a bit guilty for getting this wasted on her first day. He said, "Sorry, Clara. I'm usually a bit....more with it....and able ta stand up."

Clara ran her fingers gently over his curls and sighed, "I'd rather you not be plastered when you come home but....this is your home. You are what you are and only you can change that, Pete. I....just worry when you don't come home when you promise to be home. If you ever decide to give up drinking.... I'll be here to help you. I just wanted you to know that."

Pete replied, "I'm sorry, Clara. I'll try harder ta be home on time." He had this unusual desire to please this young woman for some reason. He would try to make sure he was home by 5pm. This small woman makes him feel alive for the first time in 5 years. He'd do almost anything to keep her here. She obviously had enough spunk to stand up to him when he needed to be told off. Uhoh even his sluggish brain was figuring out what was happening. He was doomed already and he had only known her 3 days. He was starting to fall in love with a girl that was young enough to be his daughter and he really didn't give a damn. He never thought he'd ever feel like this again after Mary died. He knew he would have to hide how he felt from her because she couldn't possibly fall in love with a alcoholic hack old enough to be her father.

Clara kissed his forehead and said, "Okay. Thank you." She saw a slight half smile on his face when she pulled away and smiled back. After a couple of hours she helped Pete stumble to his bedroom to change and go to bed. When she came back she saw that both father and daughter were settled in bed. She gently leaned over and kissed both their cheeks before she left. She was becoming very fond of this middle aged alcoholic and his little girl. She cared deeply for him and worried about him. She had picked out one of his books to read earlier so she read that for a while before settling down on the sofa to go to sleep.


	6. Clara, My Clara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete let's slip a nickname he never intended to say out loud. He gets depressed and Clara tries to cheer him up.

It was one of those warm Saturday's when Clara and Pete took Penny to the park to play with the other kids for a while. Pete sat on the bench smoking a cigarette and felt Clara's arm loop through his free arm on his other side. He had gotten used to her affectionate gestures in the last month and relished them. He liked it when she messed up his curls or rested her head against his shoulder while they talked or like now just watched Penny play. He had blushed beet red when Clara had told him she had spent the money to have his suits dry cleaned and that it was factored into the expenses every week so that he was finally smelling less like a brewery. He realized that she had taken it upon herself to take care of him as well as Penny even though it had not been part of their agreement. He asked, "Clara? Why do ye take care of me?"

Clara kissed Pete's cheek and replied, "Someone has to. You are absolute rubbish at it. Beside I want to because I'm rather fond of you."

Pete said, "Ye are something special, my Clara. S-sorry. I didn't mean ta call ye that."

Clara gently forced him to look at her and asked, "Why are you apologizing? I'm not bothered by it."

Pete stammered, "I have no right ta call ye that. It slipped out because I'm too attached ta ye to not call ye it in my mind. Reality though is I...have no claim ta ye. I have....no right ta claim ye. Ye are not mine and....ye never will be. Ye'd never want me.....I think I need ta take a walk. Will ye watch Penny?" He was depressed and he didn't want Clara or Penny to suffer because of it. He wanted to have a drink but he forced himself to bypass the bar because he had given his word that Saturday and Sunday he would stay sober. He may be forgetful but he didn't go back on a promises. He stopped in a shop and bought 4 packs of cigarettes so he didn't have to get any until Monday. He knew what was wrong with him. He was madly in love with Clara. His beautiful, wonderful, caring Clara. She wasn't really his though no matter how much he truly wanted her to be. Sometimes he wished she didn't care about what happened to him. It would make it easier to distance himself from her and not be so attached. She was a young and beautiful woman who ran away from one abusive relationship with a man who was an alcoholic into another crazy relationship with another alcoholic with very few redeeming qualities. She'd be insane to even consider a romantic relationship with anyone like him. He sat on a wall and took off his glasses to scrub a hand over his face in frustration. He was a bloody masochist. He couldn't tell her how he felt because he was sure she would leave and he couldn't let her go because he was in love with her. He'd rather torture himself being her friend and benefactor than lose her because he opened his fat old gob. He put his glasses back on and walked back to the park where he saw Clara was still watching Penny but looking for him. He noticed the concerned relief on her face when she saw him. He sat back on the bench next to her and lit a cigarette before lifting his other arm to wrap around her shoulders. She took the invitation and leaned against him again. 

Clara had been really worried When Pete just suddenly decided he needed a walk. She had been looking for him for over an hour. Finally she saw him walking back to her from across the park. When she was leaning against his shoulder again she knew for a fact that he hadn't been drinking. She had been worried he was going to the bar but he really did just go for a walk. That was a relief. She asked, "Pete? Are you all right?"

Pete sighed, "I'm not drunk if that is what ye are asking, love. I am capable o' keeping my word, Clara. I'm a bloody drunk. Not a liar."

Clara replied, "I know you're not drunk. I'd smell whiskey on your breath if you were drinking. I won't deny I didn't worry that you might have left for that but I trust you. That's why I didn't get Penelope and run after you. It's been over an hour, Pete. Something is bothering you. I can tell. Please just talk to me.." She placed her palm against his opposite cheek and managed to get him to look at her for a minute before he guiltily looked away from her.

Pete looked away from Clara and said, "It's not yer problem..it's just.... I'm not yer boyfriend."

Clara looked at him in confusion and replied, "I never thought you were, Pete. I never expected you to be."

Pete whispered, "I know. I never said it was yer mistake, Clara. It's mine."

Clara was very confused by now and said, "Pete? What?"

Pete sighed, "Just let it alone, Clara. My fault. My problem. " He had already said to much as it was anyway.

Clara wanted to find out what he meant by that but she knew that tone of voice meant he was done talking about it. She was still confused because it sounded like he thinks of himself as her boyfriend and she wasn't opposed to that idea. She was falling in love with him but she had thought he didn't want anything to do with her in that sense because she was used damaged goods. She hadn't been married to the man who had beaten and knocked her up but Pete had been married to the mother of his child. He was apparently old fashioned and a gentleman. She guessed to him with her checkered past she looked like little more than a whore. She appreciated that he allowed her to live with him and trusted her as much as he did. He gave her his money when he got paid and trusted her enough to not even ask where she hides it. In turn every day she gives him a certain amount of money without protest about how he uses it. She doesn't give him money on the weekends unless he asks for it but they have an understanding that he will not use it to go to the pub and it's a smaller amount than during the week. He usually only needs it for cigarettes and coffee on weekends since her and Penny are always with him. She felt him cough a few times and wrapped her arm around his waist. She constantly worried about him because he drank so much and smoked 1-2 packs of cigarettes a day. He did smoke less when he drank which was closer to 1 pack but when he was sober he smoked about 2 packs those days. She didn't want to lose him to cancer or his liver giving out but she had no right to tell him what to do. She had gave her word she wouldn't when she moved in but there are days he really scares her. She had to be content that they came to a compromise of sorts about how much money he could spend at the pub and what time he would always come home by on the week days.

When it started to get dark Pete decided it was time for them to get home. Penny was all tuckered out by time he got her a bath and she had dinner. He found her fast asleep on the sofa so he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and got her under the covers and comfortable before going back into the living area where Clara was reading a book on the sofa. He went to the kitchen and put on the kettle for tea. He made his tea and got his ashtray which he took and put on the table next to his side of the sofa. He asked, "Do ye want a cup o' tea, Clara?" When she nodded he walked back to the kitchen before she could get up. He had memorized how she made her tea month ago. He brought it back in to the living room and handed to her before he flopped on the sofa with a news article he was trying to finish for work. 

Clara watched Pete working for a while. She smiled at how he looked now. He had shucked his suit jacket and tie, unbuttoned his waistcoat and the top 3 button of his dress shirt. She suddenly realized in all the time she'd known him this is the most casual she had ever seen him unless he was in his pajamas. His hair was a mess from constantly running his hands nervously through it and his hands shook as he read the article and smoked a cigarette. When he put the article on the coffee table she curled up against his side after she kissed his cheek. She liked that he didn't even flinch anymore and just automatically wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She teased, "You looked rather sexy disheveled, Pete. You should wear less more often." She watched his eyebrows practically reach his hairline in confusion.

Pete just looked at her in shock. She couldn't have possibly just flirted with him. He stammered, "What?"

Clara teased, "I've never seen you like this before. Not that you don't look good in the whole 3 piece suit. I just think this is a more sexy look for you. More ordinary and less ummm high strung and proper. You look more normal and less like a lawyer." She burst out laughing on the last word and the stoned owl look he was giving her.

Pete asked, "Are ye all right, Clara? Ye are acting like ye have been drinking."

Clara calmed down and giggled, "I'm sorry. It's just that look on your face.....It's so cute it sends me into fits of laughter when I see it."

Pete asked, "What look?"

Clara panted, "That look. You look like a stoned owl when you are confused." She went into more fits of laughter.

Pete snapped, "I'm glad you had a good laugh at me but I think I've been made fun of enough for one night." He went to get off the sofa but Clara head was in his lap and pinning him down.

Clara finally managed to stop laughing and looked up at Pete only to realize she had hurt his feelings. She felt bad and said, "I'm not making fun of you. I think the stoned owl look is adorable on you. It's just that you always look like that whether you are drunk or sober. I'm sorry if you felt I was making fun of you. I wasn't honest. I love your face and your expressions. You may not realize this Pete but you are rather handsome and cute."

Pete scoffed, "Right. I'm a walking skeleton remember?"

Clara smiled and replied, "You were nothing but skin and bones when I met you. Even then I wasn't saying you weren't good looking. Just that you were way to thin. Gaining some proper weight has improved your looks. You don't look so haggard and ill as you did when we met. Even the lines on your face aren't as distinct now. Only time you see them is up close and knew they were there before. This...has helped you look healthier and younger, Pete." She gently tapped his little belly and wished he would stop being so self-berating and self-conscious. She saw the look on his face change from Angry owl to numb owl which meant he had resigned himself to giving in.

Pete whispered, "Whatever ye say, boss.... Just...... don't go away, Please." He placed his hand on top of hers where it rested on his soft belly. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. 

Clara quietly replied, "I'm not going anywhere, Pete. This is my home now until you get tired of looking at my face anyway. Don't worry so much." She settled her chin on his shoulder. She was practically straddling his thighs but she didn't really care at the moment. She felt his arms go around her to rest on the center of her back. She was finding out he was really insecure and worthless. He also apparently thought he was unworthy of being loved and cared about.

Pete rested the side of his head against Clara's and rasped, "I'll never tire of your beautiful face, Clara." His voice cracked on her name and he wanted to cry because he loved her so much and she was almost as important to his existence as Penny has been since the day she was born. He held her for as long as he could until she pulled away. He felt her wipe the tears from his cheeks he hadn't even realized had fallen. This was the first time that she kissed him on the lips. It was just a light friendly peck but it was a kiss just the same. When he finally crawled into bed that night he could still feel her soft lips pressed against his own. He allowed himself a few minutes to wish and dream before finally falling asleep with a wistful smile on his face.


	7. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete and family go shopping and he runs into a friend.

The weekends Pete dedicated to spending time with Penny and Clara. He had told Clara she could do whatever she wanted since he was home with Penny anyway but she insisted on spending time with him of all people. After 2 months he gave up because he enjoyed her company so he didn't mind. He was glad that Clara had been hiding the money he gave her and now currently was the one that held on to it. He had to admit coming home on payday and handing over his money to her was probably one of his better ideas. Every day she would give him a certain amount to ensure he came home when it ran out. It also controlled how drunk he was able to get before coming home. It allowed him to satisfy the alcoholism but remain sober enough to still function. At first he was angry that she was trying to control his drinking but as he got past the anger he realized she was trying to help him the only way she could without going back on her word to not tell him he couldn't drink. She knew that what she gave him was spent on whiskey and cigarettes but never said a word but yet managed to control how much he could drink a night. He had to admit she was a very clever girl and he had to admire her for that even if it did ruffle his feathers at times because when she did things like that it meant she really did care about his well being. One weekend Clara thought it would hilarious to drag him grocery shopping with her and Penny. He sighed and went with them. He was being drug around by Penny's hand while Clara picked out items. It was a Saturday and he was hung over even though he tried to ignore that fact. He realized he needed cigarettes but wasn't about to ask Clara to get them since on the weekends he didn't have any money. He was surprised when she automatically got 4 packs of cigarettes for him before they left.

Clara chuckled, "Honestly, Pete. Don't be so surprised. You are irritable enough sober. Do you think I want to deal with you if you don't have your cigarettes as well? I'm not a masochist, my dear man." After about 2 months endearments became normal between them. She would call him dear or sometimes hunny. She knew if Pete called you love than you were someone he was fond of in his life. As far as she knew he only called her, Penny and Paddy that name. One day he had called her "MY Clara" and immediately apologized for it. She later asked him why he was so worried about it. All he had said was that he was getting to attached and it slipped out but he had no right to consider her his Clara. It took her a while to figure out what he had meant. He was telling her in that one nickname that was staking a claim to her that he felt he had no right to do. She realized that he did have the right even though she wasn't ready to tell him. Her heart belonged to him all ready so she was really his Clara.

Pete was wandering around just looking at things when he ran into Paddy picking up a few items. He was surprised when he felt a hand on his arm and said, "Clara, I was just...Oh Paddy. Hello."

Paddy was surprised when she saw Pete at the store so she decided to say hello. She said, "Hey. How are you doing?" She surprised when he used the name Clara but there's no saying the man can't have friends or a girlfriend even.

He replied, "I'm all right. How are ye?"

Paddy replied, "My family still hates me. I think I'm going to try and find my own place soon. It's getting a bit to hostile at home." She suddenly realized what was different about him. He was sober. His hands were shaking pretty bad and he didn't smell like whiskey. As close as they were as friends at work, she had never seen him sober. She had seen him functionally drunk but not stone cold sober before. 

Pete replied, "I'm sorry, Paddy. If ye need ta talk ye know where ta find me. I'm not at the pub on the weekends but weekdays I'll probably be there or work until 5pm." He felt awful that the poor girl was getting treated rotten at work and at home. She has been kind to him and was interested in what he had to talk about. He genuinely liked her and would do whatever he needed to make her life a little less miserable.

Paddy smiled and said, "Thanks, Dr. Pete." She went on impulse and wrapped her arms loosely around his waist in a hug. She could tell he was surprised but after a minute returned the embrace. She buried her head against his chest for a couple minutes before pulling away. She saw he had a half smile on his face and remembered why she liked him. He really was a kind hearted sweet man if you are his friend. He takes care of his friends and she knew she would help him if he ever needed it as well. She said, "If you need anything, Dr. Pete. Just let me know."

Pete smiled and replied, "Thank ye, Paddy. Ye be careful, okay?"

Paddy squeezed his arm and replied, "Yeah. See you Monday."

Pete replied, "Aye. Monday." He eventually found Clara getting milk and eggs. He knew he should tell Paddy at least about Clara just in case something happens to him when she's around she'd know to tell Clara. He just wasn't ready to tell her yet but the last time he was in the hospital poor Penny was a wreck when he finally got out a week later. That what you get for collapsing at a bar with walking pneumonia. He helped Clara lug all the groceries home but she wanted to put them away so she knew where everything was and he couldn't blame her. He sat on the sofa smoking and playing poker with Penny While Clara made dinner. He saw she won again and sighed, "Ye are a very bright girl, A Stor. Ye learn to fast fer me ta even get a chance at winning anything.....Oh love. Don't cry. Come're. It's not yer fault yer papa has a mind like a sieve. I was making fun of me not being able ta think properly anymore. I'm glad ye are bright. Ye got yer smarts from yer mama. Yer papa's just an old forgetful idiot." He held Penny while she sobbed in his lap and cursed himself. When she finally stopped crying he realized she had cried herself to sleep in his lap so he just held her and let her sleep. He dreaded the day she would start going to school because there would be a lot of drama that day. He sighed and lit another cigarette. About an hour later he woke Penny up for dinner. After dinner he got her changed and on the bed. He told her a story until she fell asleep and then went out to get a cup of tea. He had to admit since Clara started making him eat so much his stomach didn't bother him much in the middle of the night anymore. He saw Clara laying down on the sofa reading and hated that he only had the sofa and kitchen chairs and the chairs were not comfortable to sit in for a long time. He sat at the table and drank his tea while he had another cigarette. He took off his glasses and dropped them on the table and closed his eyes. 

Clara heard a thunk and went to investigate to find Pete sitting at the kitchen table with a cigarette and a cup of tea. He had his eyes closed and glasses off sitting on the table. She was pretty sure that was the thunk she heard. She suddenly realized she had never seen him like that before. He looked very vulnerable like that with his lips slightly parted and face relaxed. She ran her hand through his hair and noticed that he liked it. His face got more relaxed and she heard him sigh her name. Then suddenly his eyes snapped open. She jumped from the shock of the sudden change. She also noticed his eyes were a beautiful deep blue and she was sure she saw desire and need in them before the walls came up.

Pete suddenly realized that he wasn't dreaming and jolted his eyes open to see the blurry figure of Clara above him and her hand was definitely carding through his curls. She had no idea what it did to him when she did that. He rasped, "Clara...."

Clara knelt on the floor in front of him and asked, "Why are you out here?"

Pete shrugged and replied, "Ye were lying on the sofa....Ye look comfortable so....I didn't want ta bother ye."

Clara placed her hands on top of his thighs and said, "You could've asked me to move over. I don't mind. Besides you make a decent pillow now. I don't get poked by your bones now."

Pete just made a noise between a laugh and a hum before he replied, "Least I'm good for something."

Clara sighed, "You know I was teasing you, yeah?"

Pete looked at and replied, "Aye. I know."

Clara caressed his cheek with one of her hands and said, "You look handsome without your glasses, Pete."

Pete scoffed, "Doubt it but doesn't matter. Can't see shite without them."

Clara replied, "Well you do."

Pete shook his head and replied, "Thanks." He didn't talk for a while then he said, "It's a bit like when I'm drunk.....My sight without the glasses. It's like when I'm drunk. Everything is blurry and unfocused. In the pub after so many drinks I usually take them off because it doesn't matter if they are on or not. Everything still looks the same."

Clara stood up and kissed hid red nose and cheek before handing him his glasses. She then tugged him to the sofa in the living room. She waited long enough for him to get his ashtray and cigarettes. When she saw he was comfortable she sat down and leaned into his side after kissing the side of his chin. She had gotten used to him being slightly scruffy because he shaved every couple of days usually. She placed her book in his lap and read while he smoked. Around 10pm she noticed he had nodded of and got him up. She gently pushed him to his room and left him to change. She went to check on the both of them a while later and thought he was a sleep but was stopped by his voice.

Pete said, "Clara? Thank ye fer taking care of me. I don't deserve ye."

Clara said, "You're welcome. Everyone deserves to have someone to care about them."

Pete said, " Deagh oidhche, Clara."

Clara replied, "Good night, Pete." She had noticed that Pete would sometimes switch to Gaelic interchangeably with English so she managed to learn a few of the phrases he tended to use a lot so she could respond to them properly. She curled up on her couch and fell asleep.


	8. Revalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete doesn't come home on time and Clara goes and drags him out of the pub. Paddy learns a few new things about him before he goes home and learns he is loved.

It had been 3 months since Clara had moved in and she was happy Pete was getting home when he promised to be and now that he was eating regularly he had gained weight. She was rather proud that she managed to feed him enough that he now has a round little belly that stuck out over his belt a little and stuck out a little below his waistcoat. Then one day he didn't come home. She looked at the clock and it was 8pm. She was worried and had to find him but she couldn't leave Penny alone. She knew he went to a pub close to where he worked and not far from home. She took Penny with her and found the pub. She held on to Penny and steeled herself before walking into the pub. She searched the bar until she found Pete in the back of the bar with a young woman that was laughing at his crazy antics and silly faces. 

The barkeeper saw the woman with a 5 year old in her arms walk in and said, "You can't bring the kid in here, miss."

Clara said, "I am here to get someone and I am not leaving until I get him. Now if you will excuse me. The sooner I get him the sooner we will be out of here." She walked right over to Pete and glared at him. He didn't seem to drunk at least. He was sober enough to realized he was in trouble.

Pete looked up to see Clara glaring at him with a sleepy Penny in her arms. He looked at his watch and stammered, "Shit. I'm sorry, Clara. I got talking ta Paddy and lost track of time."

Clara scolded, "Shut up. Just shut up. We have been waiting for you for THREE hours. I don't care if you have other friends but you bloody well better get home when you are supposed to be because I will bloody well find you and drag you home if I have too. You had me worried sick. We have discussed this before and you gave me your word you wouldn't do this again."

Pete looked down at his hands in his lap and rasped, "Aye. I'm sorry. I....know I deserve this but...."

Paddy was watching this exchange and felt bed because Pete looked like a scolded puppy. She asked, "You're Clara?" She felt Pete's hand on her arm and looked at him shaking his head to stay out of it.

Clara scolded, "I do not judge you, tell you can't drink, or who you can spend time with. I just ask that you come home for dinner with us at 5pm. Is that really that hard to do?"

Pete mumbled, "No, ma'am." He knew he deserved the scolding but he knew he'd never hear the end of it at work.

One guy said, "Pete's just got his bollocks cut off. You really do let women walk all over you. Not only are you a pathetic drunk but you let a woman walk all over you like she should be treated. Don't you know you are supposed to be submissive darling?"

Another one laughed, "Who is she? Your whore and her child? You fucking her? You going to let a whore treat you like that?"

Pete threw his glass at the one who called Clara a whore and growled, "If ye ever call her a whore again I will make sure I ruin ye. Clara is not a whore. She is my best friend. As for anything else. It is none of yer business..... Shhh It's all right, love. Papa's sorry. Come're." By this point Penny was sobbing. He took her from Clara's arms and started walking out of the bar.

Clara grabbed Pete belongings from the table and followed him out to the street. She didn't realized the girl Paddy was right behind her. She said, "I'm sorry. I was just so hurt and angry at you when you didn't come home. I embarrassed you and I deserve your anger. I..."

Pete sighed, "I'm not happy with ye right now but I'm not angry. I'm more upset about ye bringing Penny with ye. I know ye thought I should tell them about her but ye couldn't have made a louder statement if ye tried."

Clara replied, "They don't even know she's yours. They think she's mine and I'm your.....whore. Let them think that if you want. I don't care."

Pete sighed, "No. That's not right. Ye don't deserve ta be looked at as being that. Why would you do that anyway?"

Clara tightly replied, "Don't you know? That I'll do anything for you?"

Pete asked, "Why? I'm nothing. I'm a alcoholic old man that gave ye a place ta stay. Why are ye willing ta protect me? I...Clara please take Penny home. I will be there shortly. I promise." He was interrupted when he noticed Paddy out of the corner of his eye. He watched Clara walk away toward home. He asked, "What did ye hear, Paddy?"

Paddy blushed, "All of it, Dr. Pete. Sorry I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you are worried about. You're my friend and that means more to me than the scoop of "Old hack reporter hides family for over 5 years" and besides you deserve to be happy too. So....The little girl is your daughter? And Clara?"

Pete sighed, "Aye. She's mine. Name's Penelope. Clara is....I really have no idea how to define us. She's my best friend but more than that. She's part of my family now for 3 months."

Paddy said, "Sorry I got you in trouble with the wife."

Pete stammered, "She's not my wife.....she may as well be though. I make sure s has anything she needs and let stay at home like I did with Mary. Only thing I don't do is sleep with her. She takes care of me and Penny. I'd really be lost without her."

Paddy asked, "I'm not trying to pry but who is Mary?"

Pete swallowed and whispered, "My wife. She....was...is Penny's mum."

Paddy asked, "Did she leave?"

Pete sighed, "In a sense. She died giving birth 5 years ago to Penny. I....couldn't handle it and started drinking. That was what caused me ta become an alcoholic. Clara.....she accepts that I am a drunk and still worries about me. I come home drunk and she just takes care of me. Makes me eat and gets me ta bed. I don't deserve her but I don't want ta live without her...."

Paddy saw the look in his eyes and just knew. She stated, "You are in love with her. I can see it in your eyes and the control she has over you. You like it when she gives you orders. No one give someone that power over them without being in love......She doesn't know does she?"

Pete lit a cigarette and puffed on it a couple times before answering. He sighed, "No."

Paddy asked, "Why not?"

Pete scoffed, "I'm old enough ta be her papa. I'm an alcoholic newspaper hack. I'm not much ta look at either. Before I was a walking skeleton and now I'm skeleton with a fat middle."

Paddy shook her head, "You don't see it do you? No...You don't....She's madly in love with you. It's obvious in the fact that she came here to find you even though she knew you'd be upset if she brought your little girl. Her worry for you outweighed her desire to please you. The fact that she takes care of you even when you are drunk. She just tried to tell you. Just talk to her, Dr. Pete. Good night and thanks for the chat."

Pete threw his cigarette stub to the ground and put it out with his shoe. He said, "Night, Paddy. Thank ye for having a drink with me. Sorry ye had to see Clara ripping me apart. I better get home before Clara chews me out again." He got home about 15 minutes later and sat the table. He ate like a good boy and stayed quiet not wanting to make her any more angry.

Clara was going crazy with the silence. She finally blurted, "I love you, Pete. God help me but I've fallen in love with you. It terrifies me when you don't come home on time because I'm afraid of losing you. If you don't feel the same that's fine but I wanted you to know the reason why I'll do anything including being called a whore and accept people thinking Penelope is mine is because I love you." The stoned owl look was back again and she went over to the couch and curled up on it and cried.

Pete was dumbfounded when Clara had said she loved him because he thought Paddy had been wrong. He only realized he waited too long without saying something when he heard sobbing from the sofa. He walked over and got her to sit up so he could sit next to her. He pulled her into his arms and she sobbed on his shoulder while he ran his hand over her long brown hair. He sighed, "I'm rubbish at relationships. I haven't had one since my wife died because I never got over it really. I was so different back then. I was a good reporter and I wasn't a drunk. I'm so messed up now that I never expect ye to love me back, Clara."

Clara sat up and looked into his eyes. She asked, "Are you saying....that you..."

Pete replied, "Love ye? Aye. I've love ye since 3 days after we met."

Clara asked, "Why didn't you say something?"

Pete somberly replied, "Fear of rejection. I was afraid if I told ye how I felt ye'd leave and I couldn't bear that. I was too fond of ye."

Clara whispered, "Why were you afraid?"

Pete sighed, "Why? Take a good look at me, Clara.. I'm no prize. I'm a bloody train wreck. Why would a beautiful young woman want a screwed up old man like me?"

Clara kissed his cheek and said, "You are a kind, caring, sweet man. Yes you are an alcoholic and at times it drives me crazy but you at least try to stay partly sober even when you are drinking. I never planned on falling in love with another alcoholic but you are different. You make sure there is money for food and things that we need instead of drinking away your whole paycheck. You care about this little family we have here."

Pete was crying when he whispered, "I don't deserve you, Clara. I never have. Ye should have left me a long time ago. Yet here ye are still putting up with my shite. I'm sorry. Ye deserve better than me."

Clara said, "Maybe I do but it's you that I want, Pete. You and all your aggravating flaws."

Pete pulled her close and kissed her face and neck while he kept repeating, "Mi gràdh thu, eudail."

Clara asked, "What does that mean, Pete?"

Pete whispered, "Gaelic for I love ye, sweetheart."

Clara replied, "I love you too."

Pete gently pushed Clara back to lie on the sofa and curled up with his heard resting on her breasts. He was basically in a fetal position on top of her because of the shortness of the sofa but he didn't care that it made his back and knees hurt. This is where he wanted to be for the rest of his life. In Clara's arms. He asked, "I'm....not.....making ye.....uncomfortable...am I?"

Clara ran her fingers through his graying curly hair and kissed the top of his head. He wasn't a light man even though he had a rather wiry frame. She was happy that he had finally put on some weight because he didn't look like death warmed over now. She actually liked men with a little meat on their bones even Pete's squishy saggy little pot belly. She replied, "No. Can't stay like this forever but for a bit it doesn't bother me. This position has to be hurting you more than me with your bad back and knees."

Pete sighed, "Aye. It does but I'm where I want ta be right now." After about 10 minutes he couldn't take the pain anymore and hissed in pain as he sat up. He let Clara tug him to is bedroom. He changed into his pajamas and laid down on the bed beside Penny. When Clara came in the room like she always did to check on them he hesitantly asked, "Clara? Ye can sleep here if ye like. There's.....enough room....and....I'd like ye too, eudail.." He though he had made a mistake by asking her until he felt the bed behind him dip with her weight as she molded against his back. He felt her hand slip under his pajama top and rest on his belly.

Clara settled down spooned against his back, arm around his middle and palm flat against his fuzzy squishy belly under his shirt. She kissed his shoulder and said, "Good night, Pete."

Pete replied, "Deagh oidhche, eudail." He eventually nodded off content and warm between his two girls.


	9. Why are Ye in my Bed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete forgot why he asked Clara in his bed, winds up in the dog house, has a breakdown and Paddy saves his bacon with Clara. 
> 
> Abnormally long chapter here.

The next morning when Pete started to wake up he had a body pressed against his back...a woman. For the life of him he couldn't remember why. When he realized her hand was under his shirt he went ridged. He felt her hand start to move in circles on his belly which he was guessing was supposed to be soothing but at the moment it just made him more self-conscious. He knew they weren't naked and Penny was right in front of him so he didn't SLEEP with her. He was only a little relieved and very confused when she started talking to him. He REALLY wished he could remember last night. He obviously invited her into his bed because he knew she wouldn't just jump in without his consent. What was frustrating him is he can't remember WHY. Every Gaelic and English curse he knew flew through his head.

Clara noticed Pete stiffen and knew he was awake. She tried rubbing soothing circles on his soft belly but that only seemed to agitate him more. She said, "Pete? Hunny? Are you all right? What's wrong?"

Pete blushed and asked, "Why are ye in my bed, Clara?"

Clara's eyes widened and she asked, "You don't remember?" She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. He looked so confused that she knew he wasn't joking.

Pete sadly replied, "No, love. I'm afraid I don't. I'm sorry." He was surprised when she ran from the and he heard crying. He rolled on to his back knowing he just screwed something up but he couldn't fix it if he didn't know what it was and it didn't look like Clara was in the mood to tell him. He sighed and forced himself to get up, washed and dressed. He found Clara in the kitchen cooking breakfast. He touch her arm and she angrily rejected his touch. He sighed, "Clara, I know I asked ye in ta my bed. Ye wouldn't have been there unless I had....I wanted ye there but I.....can't remember why. I'm sorry."

Clara hissed, "Just stay away from me right now. You hurt me and you bloody well better remember why! Until you bloody well remember you stay away!"

Pete flinched at the anger directed at him and backed away with his hands up in surrender. He tightly replied, "All right. I truly am sorry, Clara. I don't want ta hurt ye. I....doesn't matter. I'm going ta work." He didn't even eat before he ran out the door without even realizing she didn't give him money. When he finally realized that he sighed because he knew getting drunk would not help him remember what pissed Clara off. It was part of the reason he couldn't remember. He tried to concentrate on working but it was impossible. He was terrified that Clara might be angry enough to leave and that would break his heart. He had to go and standing on the landing by the stairs crying so hopefully no one would see him. He was glad he was a silent crier. No one notices he's been crying unless they see him actually crying. He heard the door and turned away to hide the tears. He took his glasses off and wiped his eyes before putting them back on. He felt a small hand on his shoulder and was relieved it was Paddy that found him.

Paddy had seen Pete go to the stairwell and started to worry when she didn't see him come back. She took off after him thinking he went to the pub and was surprised to find him on the stairwell. It looked like he was crying and knew he was when he turned away and took his glasses off to wipe at his cheeks. She place a hand gently on his shoulder and asked, "Dr. Pete? What's wrong? What happened?"

Pete whispered, "I messed up and my Clara is angry with me. I cannae even remember why."

Paddy sighed, "All right. Why don't we go to the pub and talk."

Pete scoffed, "Clara ...didn't give me money this morning. I...left before she even finish cooking breakfast."

Paddy said, "It's all right. I think I might be able to afford a beer if you really need it. You can pay me back if you want but either way you need to talk. You're a mess. Come on." She got him to a booth in the back of the pub but he refused the offer of a drink. She wasn't encouraging him at all. She just knew he was more able to talk openly after he had a drink and wasn't wound tighter than a spring. Besides she had no right to tell him not to drink anyway. She was trying to be a friend the only way she knew how to be with him. She placed her hand over his on the table and gently prodded, "What happened?"

Pete took a drag on his cigarette and sighed, "I....woke up with Clara in my bed this morning. I know I asked her ta stay because she never would have just crawled in without me asking but I don't know why I asked her to stay......Now she won't even talk ta me and told me ta stay away from her until I remember......I've been trying all day and I.....just can't......remember." His voice cracked as tears ran down his face again.

Paddy squeezed his hand and said, "It's all right. If you woke up with Clara in your bed this morning then we have to go over last night. I can help with some of it."

Pete looked up as it dawned on him, "I was here......with ye. I was...telling ye stories and jokes. I lost track of time......Clara and Penny.....Clara was angry. I was 3? hours late for dinner......She yelled at me and......the guys were being rude......They called her a whore. I told them off and Penny.....she started ta cry." He took his glasses off and plopped them on the table before pinching the bridge of his nose. His head was hurting from both the hangover and trying to remember the night before.

Penny replied, "Yeah. You took Penny from Clara and left the bar.....I followed you. I had only heard you mention Clara's name twice and wanted to make sure you were all right with her. I had never seen you bow like a whooped puppy before and it worried me. I was afraid you had somehow gotten yourself into an abusive relationship. After I understood that Penny was your daughter I had assumed Clara was your wife."

Pete sighed, "I told ye she may as well be my wife. Ye told me ta tell her I was in love with her because she felt the same and I thought ye were wrong. She couldn't ever love me......Oh my god!" His eyes snapped open and he groaned, "She told me she loved and wanted me. Even as messed up as I am. I confessed how I felt and asked her ta stay with me last night. Shite.....I effectively slapped her in the face this morning. I have ta fix it somehow."

Paddy said, "Go home and talk to her, Pete. She loves you. She'll forgive you." She pulled him out of the booth and hugged him before pushing him out the doors and in the direction of his home.

Pete turned back and said, "Thank ye, Paddy. Ye are a better friend than I'll ever be."

Paddy smiled and teased, "Go home to your WIFE. I'll see you later." She watched him nod and start walking home. She was hoping it worked out now that he remembers. She really did worry about his memory. His memory got worse since she had met him but sometimes he could remember with a little prodding and prompting.

Clara was so angry with Pete but she also knew he simply couldn't remember and that sadly made her madder. She loved him with all her heart but she'd be damned if she was going to deal with him forget important things like them confessing they LOVE each other. She wouldn't be so angry about something less important but THIS is life altering in their relationship. She just sat on the sofa and cried for an hour until Penny distracted her for the rest of the day. She played poker with the girl and found out she really was winning and Pete wasn't just letting her win. She was surprised to hear the front door open at 2 in the afternoon. She looked up as Pete entered the living room and quipped, "Well this is a first. You're usually at the pub by now aren't you?"

Pete could hear the anger still in her voice. He lowered to his knees on the floor, clasped his hands in front of him, and lowered his head in submission and waited for her to realized what he was doing. He was being obedient and would do whatever she told him to do even if that meant her leaving. When he looked over his glasses at her she had risen and was close to him.

Clara was baffled for a minute until she realized his defeated posture was different than she'd seen before. He looked like a whipped puppy with its tail between its legs. Her eyes widened as she realized he was submitting to whatever punishment she was inclined to give him for being bad. She moved close to him and realized he was still sober. There wasn't any alcohol on his breath and he was here instead of the pub. She wasn't sure what it meant in the long run but it was something. She knelt down in front of him, touched his cheek and got him to look at her. She whispered, "What are you doing, Pete?"

Pete remained docile as he answered, "Accepting my punishment and begging ye ta forgive me. I'm an old drunk and my memory is shabby at best but the one thing I won't ever forget is how much I love ye and how terrified I am of losing ye because I'm simply not good enough for ye. Ye deserve a man that will remember WHY he asked ye in ta his bed. Someone who doesn't need ye ta take care of him because he's an idiot alcoholic that's not strong enough to stop drinking. Ye deserve better than me, Clara. Ye deserve way better than me. I should tell ye ta go find someone who's worthy of ye but I'm not selfless enough ta do that either. If ye want ta leave.....I won't stop ye but I'm not above groveling for ye ta stay. Please, Clara. My beautiful sweet Clara. Stay with this broken old alcoholic? Please..." He had taken bother her hands in his own shaking ones and waited for her to answer. He closed his eyes and it felt like forever before anything happened. He felt tears running down his cheeks again.

Clara just looked at Pete after his speech and saw him close his eyes and he looked as if he was in pain with the slight part of lips. She realized that yes he was physically hurting from his knees and back because he was kneeling on a hard floor but that wasn't the pain she was now being allowed to see. He was emotionally distraught and he had just opened himself up to her when he was completely sober so that there was no doubt to how he felt about her. Until now he hid his emotions under the alcoholic haze like a lifeline. This was the real honest broken man that he kept hidden from everyone else. When she saw tears tracking down his cheeks she separated her hands from his before gently wiping away the tears on his cheeks. She felt him rub his cheek against her hand and heard him sob in relief before he broke down and collapsed sobbing in her arms on the floor. She noticed Penny had come over and wrapped her small arms around him as well. She had never seen him really outright sob. They were a funny looking group. Her sitting on the floor with a 6 ft lanky man with his feet to the side and sobbing in her arms and 5 year old Penny squeezed in front of him against his chest trying to comfort him as well.

Pete was so relieved when she touched him that he felt his walls completely crack and fall apart. He fell into Clara's arms and sobbed uncontrollably for a long time. The years of acting like nothing was wrong caught up with him. He was finally able to grieve for his lost wife. He was also able to accept that he had to move on and wanted the one to be Clara that he moved on with. He felt the glasses being removed and he huddled closer to Clara not caring what she did with them. All he cared about was that her arms were wrapped around him. He felt Penny take his hand and tuck herself against his chest. When he finally managed to stop sobbing uncontrollably he felt Clara's one hand move to his hair. He stammered, "I'm sorry, Clara. I'm......a mess. I..."  
Clara kissed the top of his head and said, "Shhh. It's all right. I think you needed this. I'm sorry I was the cause of it. Did you ever grieve when your wife died?"

Pete croaked, "No. I had ta take care of Penny and work. Never had time."

Clara sighed, "So instead of grieving you drowned your sorrow with whiskey for 5 years. I think now I'm finally beginning to understand you, Pete. You are terrified of moving on because you aren't ready too but yet you are terrified that the only woman you like will leave you because you aren't ready. Pete, I love you and if you think we have a chance then I'm willing to wait until you are ready. I won't wait forever but I'll wait a couple of years if I have too. Now let's get you off the floor before your knees lock up." It took a lot of effort but she finally managed to help him stand up and painfully stumble to the sofa. She sat with him and scooted them over so Penny could sit on his other side. She then continued to run her fingers through his curly graying hair while he leaned his head against her shoulder.

Pete took a shuddering sigh and said, "I...want ta make ye happy, Clara. Mary was my only real relationship and the only woman I was ever with like that. It was a short marriage as Penny was born a year after we were married. I....loved her very much but.....I find ir was not as much as I love ye. Mary.....I would have willingly traded places with her and died instead. Ye I find I don't want ta live without ye in my life. I....want ye ta promise me something....If anything happens ta me...that'll ye'll take Penny and raise her as yer own. "

Clara replied, "Nothing's going to happen to you."

Pete begged, "Please..."

Clara replied, "All right. If something happens to you...I will raise Penelope. Just tell me. Why me?"

Pete hoarsely replied, "Because I trust ye and I can tell ye love her. If she doesn't have me......I want her ta have a familiar face."

Clara was getting worried now. She asked, "Are you ill, Pete? God please tell me you're not dying."

Pete looked at her and sighed, "No. I'm not dying. I just don't want to worry about Penny. I want to know she'll be with someone I trust and that will love her like I do. When I'm sober too long I get morbidly depressed, weepy and at times catatonic. THIS is why I am a drunk. I can't even stand myself when I'm sober. This is the real me, Clara. I'm sorry." He let his head fall back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He felt Clara's fingers in his hair again and sighed, "I remember last night. I'm so sorry I hurt ye when I forgot it."

Clara kissed his temple and replied, "I'm sorry I flipped out. Things like that are more important to me than anything. It was the moment in my life that I decided I wanted to share your life as more than the nanny and you just.....forgot it. It hurt because I gave you my heart and...."

Pete sighed, "Unwittingly trampled it. I know. I'm sorry. Soon as I realized what I had done I came home. I found out that my memory is so awful that the only way to trigger it is ta walk me through it until something makes me remember."

Clara asked, "How did you remember?"

Pete sighed, "Paddy. She heard us talking outside the pub last night and pushed me about telling ye how I felt. She walked me through it until I remembered us admitting we love each other. Please don't get jealous of her, Clara. I love her like a daughter or a niece not like I love ye. She is probably my best friend. Until I met ye she was the only person in my life that cared about me. She started talking to me for information about articles I had written years ago and we hit it off. After that she would stop at the pub, have a drink with me and just talk. She's having problems with her family and I just let her vent then I tell her stories or jokes ta cheer her up. Penny's too young ta understand everything though my little girl does try." He had his hand running over Penny's hair where she was curled up with her head in his lap sleeping. 

Clara kissed his cheek and replied, "Maybe we should ask her to dinner for giving you that push. I'd actually like to thank her. She must be a wonderful girl if she get past your cynical alcohol soaked mind."

Pete looked at her and groaned, "Shuddup."

Clara giggled and lightly slapped his arm before she got up and decided to start dinner. She automatically brought him a cup of tea and his ashtray. After about an hour she realized he hadn't had a cigarette and it suddenly hit here, "I never gave you money this morning." It wasn't really a question.

Pete looked at her and replied, "Nope."

Clara sighed, "And you didn't say a word. Why?"

Pete shrugged, "Didn't want ye ta think I came home because I didn't have money. I came home ta try and fix US because I wanted ta. The lack of money was actually a good thing today. I did go ta the pub with Paddy ta talk but didn't drink anything. Didn't want ta since that was what caused this rift in the first place. Not having cigarette...That has been a bit....problematic."

Clara got some money and took it over to him. She said, "You can go get your cigarettes but please no drinking at least for tonight? We are finally communicating."

Pete shook his head and replied, "I'm not leaving here anymore tonight then."

Clara said, "Why?.....You'd be going to that pub then."

Pete sighed, "Aye, Clara. I might and I don't want ye angry at me again. This is the only way I know I won't drink tonight. I'm sorry. I know my limits and weaknesses. I'd rather go without cigarettes and be cranky than ta make ye mad."

Clara sighed, "All right. Watch dinner. I'll be back." She did admire the fact that he didn't lie to her about wanting to go to the pub. She soon found out why he'd be so tempted. The tobacco shop was across the street from the pub. She went and got his cigarettes before going in the pub to see Paddy where Pete usually sat. She went over and sat next to her. She said, "I'm sorry. We weren't properly introduced the other night. Clara Oswald." She held out her hand to the girl of maybe 17 or 18.

Paddy had to admit Pete's "wife" wasn't a shy woman. She shook her hand and replied, "Paddy Meehan. I work with Dr. Pete at Daily News. If you are worried about my relationship with him then I want you to know I love him like a second father. He's also my best friend. He's the only man there to treat me like a person rather than a fat piece of meat. I'm very glad he has you, Clara. He needs you. I can only do so much. "

Clara smiled and replied, "Pete told me about you. I'm glad he has someone he can talk to and I wanted to thank you for giving him that push last night. Even if he forgot it this morning. I heard I also have you to thank for him remembering it as well so thank you for everything. Now how would you like to come over for dinner?"

Paddy blushed and replied, "You're welcome. I'd love to come over for dinner."

Clara grabbed her hand and said, All right. Come along then. I left Pete watching the lamb. He'll probably burn it." When they got back she told Paddy she could go sit with Pete in the living room and asked her to give him his cigarettes. 

Paddy was not surprised to find Pete asleep on the sofa since he fell asleep at work in is desk chair. What did surprise her was that the little girl was curled up asleep as well with her head in his lap. She took the only space which was the other side of him. When she sat down he adjusted and his head was resting on her shoulder. She thought he was adorable when he was like this. After a couple of minutes his eyes opened and he sat up. She smiled and said, "Hello, Dr. Pete. Your cigarettes."

Pete was half asleep when the fact that his pillow was wearing the wrong perfume. He opened his eyes and realized how much alike Clara and Paddy looked without his glasses. He rasped, "Paddy? What are ye doing here?" He felt her place the cigarettes in his hand and then his glasses on his nose.

Paddy replied, "Clara found me at the pub and asked me over for dinner. I hope you don't mind."

Pete coughed to clear his throat before taking a swing of cold tea and replied, "No. No. I don't mind. Clara suggested I ask ye over. Just didn't realize she meant tonight. How's your family?"

Paddy sighed, "Mum and my sister still hate me. Dad just goes along with them. I really need to get away from them for a while but I have no idea where to go."

Clara said, "You can stay here a while, right Pete? I mean Pete and Penny slept in the bedroom before I came along and I don't need the sofa now." She just smiled at the stoned owl look he gave her.

Pete was shocked when Clara suggested that Paddy stay with them. He couldn't figure out if Clara was just being nice, testing him or punishing him. Maybe a bit of both. The only good thing out of that was she was going to be sleeping in his room with him which did relieve a little of his worry. He had to shake his head at the irony that he used to not like anyone in his space and now he was taking in strays all the time. So much for being a private man. He finally replied, "Aye. Ye can stay her for a bit ta get away from them fer a while if ye want. Ye can have the sofa. BUT if it turns in ta a permanent thing I'll need help with some o' the bills, okay?"

Paddy replied, "Thank you! No I can live with that. If it comes to that We'll talk about it and figure out amounts and stuff. Right now I just need to get away for a bit." She had wrapped her arms around him in a hug around the neck and kissed his cheek.

Pete cleared his throat and replied, "Aye. Yer welcome, Paddy." After they had dinner he said goodnight to Paddy and she left to go home. He was exhausted so he got Penny changed and into bed before changing himself. He said, "I'm very tired. I'm going ta go ta bed, Clara. Ye can come ta bed whenever ye want ta....If ye want ta that is." He was woken about a couple hours later when he felt the bed sink behind him. When Clara wrapped her arm around him and her hand settled on his soft fuzzy belly under his top he leaned back against her a bit to give her better access to his belly. He mumbles, " Deagh oidhche, eudail."

Clara kissed Pete's temple and replied, "Good night, Pete. Don't forget this in the morning, yeah?"

Pete mumbled, "Not this time, love." He nodded off to sleep with Clara gently rubbing his belly.


	10. Back Pain and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete falls and hurts himself and confesses he likes to be bossed around. Also Clara gets sassy..

The next morning Pete woke up on his back with Clara's head on one shoulder and Penny's on the other one. His back was also killing him and he had to roll one way or the other so he rolled toward Clara and watched her sleeping for a while. When her eyes opened her pushed her hair back behind her ear and said, "Morning, Love."

Clara smiled and replied, "Morning, Pete." She could see he remembered last night and was very relieved she didn't have to go through that disaster again. She closed the distance between and lightly kissed his lips. She waited until he answered it and then pulled away slightly. She wrapped her arm around his waist and over his back. She let him do whatever he wanted and apparently that was running his shaky knuckles along her cheek repeatedly and staring at her in wonder. 

Pete still couldn't figure out why Clara still wanted him the longer she knows him. She was still a wonder to him but he worshipped the ground she walked on and he always would because she loved him when he was at his lowest. She accepted him just the way he is with very few conditions. He hoped that someday he'd be worthy of her love. That someday he'd be brave enough to ask her to marry him and she'd be proud to say he was her husband. That was if he lived that long. He loved her of that much he knew. He'd do anything for her just to get her to stay. He really didn't feel like getting up but knew he blew off work yesterday and he had to go today. He hesitantly kissed Clara on the lips. It wasn't passionate but it wasn't really chaste either. He knew they had to talk about their relationship but now was not the time. 

Clara looked at the time and said, "I better go make breakfast so you can get to work." She didn't want to ruin the mood because he was being open with her but she knew he had to get going. She managed to make breakfast and get Penny ready for the day before he was done with his shower. She pulled out some money and placed it on the table next to his plate. She was glad that now he ate everything on his plate before leaving. She walked up to him and gently tugged on his suit jacket to make him bend down to meet her halfway. She kissed his lips firmly and was happy when he kissed her back and loosely wrapped his arms around her back. She then kissed the little spot the peeked out of his collar and said, "I hope you have a decent day, Pete. I love you. See you for dinner."

Pete half smiled and replied, "Aye. I love ye too. See ye tonight." With that he ran out the door and down the stairs. He had left the money on the table to keep him from drinking. It was about midday when he was working on an article and he noticed Clara talking to Paddy. He took off his glasses and scrubbed a hand over his face. He should have realized she would come after him. She had promised he would have money everyday even if he did spend it on cigarettes and whiskey. He looked up and there stood Clara in front of his desk as beautiful as ever with Penny beside her holding her hand.

Clara realized an hour after Pete left that he had left his money on the table. It looked like it slipped under the plate and he didn't see it. She was sure she must have accidently set the plate on top of it but she didn't want him to be stuck without money again. She got Penelope and walked to the newspaper office. She had decided that if there was any trouble she would just say Penelope was her daughter. She managed to convince Penny to go along with it by telling her it was a game to confuse papa's coworkers. She walked in on the floor she had been told he worked on and ran into Paddy. She talked to her for a few minutes and then walked hesitantly to Pete's desk worried about how he would react to her being there. She quietly said, "Pete, umm you forgot this at home this morning."

Pete decided if trouble started he was done hiding that he had a daughter and.....he wasn't sure what Clara was or even wanted to be called. He guessed maybe girlfriend? Not lover since they haven't done more than kiss a few times. He set down his article and sighed, "Sorry, love. I must have forgotten to take it. Thank ye fer bringing it ta me. Come're, A Stor. It's all right." He wrapped his arms around his little girl in a hug before leaning on his elbows and asked, "What's Clara got planned today?"

Penny smiled and chirped, "Clara said she'd take me ta the park after we saw ye, papa."

Pete looked up and Clara a second and then replied, "That sounds like fun, love. I know ye enjoy playing with the other kids."

Clara said, "Pete...I..."

Pete sat up and looked at Clara before saying, "It's fine. Either is fine." He tried to tell her with his eyes that he wasn't going to hide either of them anymore if she didn't want to hide that he was with him."

One of his coworkers who was watching the exchange sneered, "If it isn't that whore and her welp from the pub. I'd like a piece of that. How much do ye charge?"

Clara turned and looked him up and down before saying, "I am way beyond your price range, sir. You couldn't afford to get my shirt off let alone in my knickers."

The man sneered, "Oh really? Then how does he do it then? He's no catch."

Clara smirked and said, "Really? He's the best looking fish in this pond and at the pub. Besides he gets a discount. I only give discounts to men I LIKE. You are not a man I like. THIS is not for sale to rude letches."

Pete placed a hand on her arm as he stood up. He said, "That's enough, Clara. Ye don't need ta do this. Just go and take Penny ta the park, eudail. I'll see ye tonight." He kissed her forehead and shooed he off. 

Clara said, "All right. Be home in time for dinner." She waved at him when she was at the end of the floor and he wave back with a half smile. She took Penny to the park before going home to make dinner. She looked at the clock and saw that it was 4:45 and sighed. She hoped she wouldn't be dragging Pete out of the pub again. She looked up from the book she was reading and jumped up and ran into Pete's arms right after he shut the door. She felt him stumble back into the door with a pained groan. She asked, "Pete? You all right?"

Pete hissed in pain before groaning, "I'll live. I fell walking home and hurt my back."

Clara could smell whiskey and sighed, "You're drunk."

Pete grimaced and replied, "Not really. I did have a couple of drinks but not enough ta be drunk. Ye don't believe me ask Paddy next time ye see her. She kept an eye on me fer ye. Here take it. I really need ta lie down, eudail." He put the rest of his cash from the day in her hands. He had drank 4 scotches and bought 2 packs of cigarettes. He held his back as he went to his room and painfully changed into his pajamas before lying down. Before he knew it Penny and Clara were wrapped around him.

Clara was surprised at how much money Pete had actually not used. She followed him to his room and curled up behind him and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe rub your back?"

Pete sighed, "No. Thank ye but ye can't help. Just leave me be for a while. Penny can stay with me like she always does. I'll eat dinner later. I promise now let sleep for about an hour." He felt her kiss his temple and get off the bed. He managed to fall into a fitful doze. He woke up some time later with a very painful spasm in his back. He yelped and he felt the bed move as a weight settle on it. He rasped, "Clara?"

Clara had heard Pete cry out and ran into the bedroom. She had been thinking about waking up to eat when she heard him. She winced at the pain in his voice. She ran her fingers over his hair and said, "Pete? What wrong?"

Pete whispered, "Spasm...back." That was about all he was able to say before he gasped as the muscles tightened even more. He was quietly crying now and he saw the lamp go on. He felt Clara push the back of his shirt up and really didn't care as he felt her hands start to massage the muscles in his back. He whimpered and whined until the pain was gone enough that he was finally able to stand the pain. He noticed she didn't stop until he was no longer in pain except for a dull throb. He sighed in relief and felt her tug his shirt back down over his back.

Clara went to massage his back and took a sharp intake of breath. She realized her really had hurt himself badly because his back was a huge smattering of purple, black, yellow and brown black and blues. She worked on the area that they were in and his painful whimpers eventually stopped. She pulled his shirt back down and gently laid down the bed before carefully pulling him to lay back against her. She rubbed his belly after she slipped her hand up the front of his shirt. She said, "You really did a number on your back. It's almost completely one giant black and blue in a multitude of ugly colors. Maybe you should have a doctor look at it."

Pete replied, "No. I've done this before. The last few times I was drunk and it hurt a lot less." He winced when Clara poked him in the belly. 

Clara said, "I just want to make sure you didn't do any major damage, Pete. Believe it or not I actually care about your well being."

Pete sighed, "I'm sorry. I know ye do. I promise if something is wrong I will go ta the doctor. Okay?"

Clara rested here chin oh his shoulder and hugged him while she replied, "All right. First sign of something wrong and you go. Agreed?"

Pete turned his head to try and look at her. He said, "Aye, Ma'am." He felt her kiss his cheek and sighed.

Clara asked, "You feel up to trying to eat something?"

Pete sighed, "I guess so. I'm rather comfy right now but I know ye want me ta eat. Would ye mind helping me sit up? I have a hard enough time without a bruised back." With more struggling than usual and Clara's help he finally managed to sit up. He shuffled out to the kitchen while Clara got him a plate. He ate it then had a cigarette with his tea. He said, "Thank ye, Clara."

Clara looked at him and asked, "For what?"

Pete blushed as he replied, "Everything ye do especially taking care of me when ye don't have ta."

Clara placed a piece of pie in front of him and replied, "You're right. I don't have to. You need someone to take care of you. It may as well be me because I love you and want to do it. You deserve to loved just like everyone else. I'm not going to change how I feel about you. I'm hoping someday you will realize that. Now eat your pie." She kissed the top of his head before going to wash the dishes and put the leftovers away. She cleaned the table sat down in the chair across from him. He had that stoned owl look on his face, wasn't wearing his glasses, and had a cigarette in the hand resting on the table over the ashtray. He would take a drag every so often until he had finished it but other than that he didn't move for about an hour. She was reading a book when he suddenly broke the silence. She looked up at him and he had the sad owl look on his face. She asked, "Sorry?"

Pete was depressed and in pain from his back. The pain was more tolerable since Clara had massaged it. Hefelt the need to try and explain what she meant to him so he quietly said, "Clara? Honestly I don't want ye ta change. I need a......dominate woman. I'm perfectly happy taking orders from ye. It didn't take me long ta realize that. I need ye more than I've ever needed anyone in my life. Ye may not realize this but ye understand me better than anyone. Yer right. I'm absolute rubbish at taking care of myself. I take care of Penny and help others very well but myself? pfffft. As we got closer I learned I am a submissive/docile man in relationships. Ye make me......happy when ye yell at me because ye are.....asserting dominance over me. I guess maybe when I disobey ye......I may be doing it unconsciously because I.....want ye ta yell at me. The guys at work are right......I like being controlled. I need ta be controlled or I am lost. Ye are the perfect woman fer me because ye like ta boss me around. I....enjoy being on a short leash and neutered. I.....need that. Thank ye fer giving me that. I have no faith and I know I'll still be all right because yer hands are still holding me. Even after all I've seen and messed up in my life I still have hope. Ye are my hope, Clara. The only hope I've ever had." He knew she needed time to digest what he just told her so he wasn't surprised when she didn't react.

Clara grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the bedroom. Clara didn't really know how to answer to his statement. She had a feeling he didn't mind her taking control of things but she didn't know he actually like it when she did that. She just said, "Let's go to bed, Pete." She no longer wondered why he did whatever she told him too without a fight. When they were settle in bed with him sandwiched between herself and Penny she said, "I guess you really are MY Pete now."

Pete leaned at an angle against Clara and replied, "I have been yer Pete for quite a while, my Clara. I have belonged to ye since we met. I was just too afraid of being rejected ta tell ye. I love ye very much. Every fiber of my being belongs ta ye and will until the day I die. "

Clara kissed hid temple and replied, "I will always treasure that. Now try and get some sleep." She settle down when he moved back onto his side and eventually managed to go to sleep.


	11. The Mclltchie Family is Getting Bigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paddy moves in after being thrown out of her home and Pete admits a very embarrassing problem to Clara. Also he tells her about Mary.

Clara was woken up by a knock at the door. She turned on the lamp and looked at Pete's watch. She muttered, "Who the hell is here at 3am?" She put her robe over her nigh gown and went to the door. She asked, "Who is it?"

Paddy had gone home to her few belonging out on the lawn and he father pitying her he told her how sorry he was but he was out voted. She answered, "Clara? It's Paddy....I was thrown out by my family.....I didn't know where else to go." When the door opened she went inside. She said, "I'm so sorry I woke you up. I just had nowhere else to go."

Clara wrapped her arms around the younger woman and said, "It's all right. You can have the sofa. Would you like a cup of tea or glass of something?"

Paddy smiled weakly and replied, "Just some water. I've bother you enough for one night." She took the glass of water and settled on the sofa with a blanket and pillow Clara gave her and cried herself to sleep.

Pete woke up late in the morning and was glad it was Saturday. He threw on his slippers, robe and glasses before shuffling half asleep out to get a cup of coffee. He was stirring his coffee when he turned around and dropped the cup. The cup shatters and the coffee when everywhere. There poking her head up half asleep was Paddy. He yelped, "Holy hell! Paddy? How did ye get in?"

Paddy heard movement and looked over the back of the sofa just in time to startle Pete and the poor man dropped his coffee. She ran to clean it up and replied, "Umm. Clara let me in last night at 3am. I'm sorry I thought she had told you I was here. My.....family threw me out last night. I just didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry."

Pete sighed, "{No. It's all right, Paddy. Ye just startled me. I don't care that ye came here. I just didn't expect it ta be the middle of the night." He went to bend over and hissed in pain. He forgot about his back and was grateful when Paddy helped his straighten out again.

Paddy was worried when Pete was obviously in pain when he bent over but decided to clean up the mess first then she'd ask him. She finished up cleaning the floor while Pete made another cup of coffee. She asked, "Are you all right, Dr. Pete? I know you are hurting. I'm guessing it's your back."

Pete sighed, "Aye. I slipped and fell last night on the way home. Clara said my back is covered in black and blues. It also doesn't help I have a bad back ta begin with anyway. Oh, Paddy....I'm fine. Come're." He wrapped the crying girl in his arms and let her just cry until she was done. He figured she needed it after all the crap she's had to deal with at work and home. Now she's been thrown out f her home and she's gone to the only person she could trust. Then he had to go hurt himself and she's worried about him on top of everything else.

Paddy stammered, "I'm sorry. I..."

Pete replied, "It's all right. I know ye got a lot ta deal with right now."

Paddy pulled away enough to look up at him and waited for him to look down at her. She replied, "It's not just that. I...worry about you. You're my best friend and I love you. I think of you like a kind hearted uncle."

Pete chuckled, "Well if ye want me ta be yer uncle than I can live with that. For what it's worth, Paddy, I love ye too. Ye are my best and only friend."

Paddy asked, "What about Clara?"

Pete sighed, "Clara.... I don't count her as a friend because she's so much more important ta me than that. She's my hope. I need her like I need air ta breathe. Speaking of Clara....Where is she?"

Paddy replied, "She had to go shopping. I gave her some extra money since I'm going to be here a while. She told me to let you know she'll make something to eat for everyone when she gets home."

Pete replied, "I guess I was dead ta the world. I did even feel or hear a thing. I think I'm going ta get dressed." He set his coffee, cigarettes, ashtray and matches on the kitchen table before he went to take a shower, shave and get dressed. He decided to only put on his suit pants, waistcoat, and dress shirt. He left the top 3 buttons unbuttoned and rolled his sleeves up. He went back to the kitchen and sat at the table and had a cigarette with his coffee. He got another cup of coffee and cigarette before reading the newspaper. He usually didn't bother because he hears about most of the shit in Glasgow at work but figured what the hell. He looked up when the door to the apartment opened and Clara came in carrying a bunch of bags. He got up and took most of them and set them on the counter.

Clara came in the door with Penny holding on to her skirt and was surprised when the bags were removed from her hands until she realized it was Pete. She walked over and gently pulled him down to her and gave him a kiss. She said, "Thank you. How's your back?"

Pete winced when he stood up again and replied, "Hurt to bend. Not as painful as last night. Paddy had ta help me stand up after I bent over. I didn't know she was here and dropped and broke my coffee cup. Poor girl wound up cleaning up after me."

Clara sighed, "I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you she was here. You had such a hard time getting to sleep last night I didn't want to wake you."

Pete joked, "Eh. One less cup ta wash. Few more and ye won't have ta wash dishes at all." He laughed when she smacked his arm playfully. 

Clara laughed, "Well if you break all the plates what are you going to eat off of? The table?"

Pete replied, "We could just share the pot or pan ye cooked in, love." This time he ducked to miss her hit and wrenched his back. He yelped in pain before leaning against the counter in pain.

Clara gasped, "Oh god. I'm so sorry."

Pete reach out and took her hand to pull her towards him. He gasped, "Not yer fault my memory is bad."

Clara said, "You forgot?"

Pete gasped, "Aye. Was happy. Not allowed. Help me to my room?" Clara helped him to his bedroom and Paddy took hold of his other side to try and keep him from jerking it out again. He flopped on his bed and whispered, "Sorry, Girls. I'm old and helpless." He just cried and whimpered in pain.

Clara gave Paddy a look and the girl understood and left the room. She carefully knelt on the bed and ran her hand through his hair. She asked, "You need me to rub your back again?"

Pete just shook his head because he didn't want to try and talk. He felt her lean over an kiss his cheek before leaving the room. He eventually managed to fall asleep sometime later.

Clara left Pete to rest and decided to start dinner and to make lunch. She didn't like Pete to skip meals because for a man who sits a lot he doesn't put on weight easily at all. She had a hell of a time just getting the little bit of fat around his middle giving that small paunch he has now and it's taken over 4 months of forcing him to eat normally to achieve that weight gain. When lunch was ready she went in and woke him up. She said, "Pete? You need to eat something. You can go back to bed after if you want to but Please get up and eat something. Do as you are told."

Pete groaned, "Aye, ma'am. Help?" He finally got sitting up and shuffled to the kitchen and ate his lunch. He also took the two pain pills Clara handed him. He felt better when they kicked in even though he still had the dull throb it had eased to tolerable. He sighed, "Sorry, Clara. I'm probably turning in ta more trouble than it's worth."

Clara said, "Shut up. I love you. I became aware that I have to take care of you the day after I moved in here. No matter how much you try to hide it....I know you are not a well man. I'm not sure of everything that's wrong with you but I figured some of it out. You know what? I don't care. I'm not going to leave simply because I have to take care of you. Believe it or not, Pete. I like taking care of you. It makes me feel needed. As long as you want and need me I will be here."

Pete sighed, "As long as ye still want me ye are more than welcome ta stay. As for me wanting and needing ye? I'll never stop wanting ye and I'll always need ye until I die. Yer right. I'm not a well man, love. I'm sorry ye got stuck with a sickly old man, Clara." He took his glasses off and dropped them on the table and pinched the bridge of his nose. He opened his eyes when he heard a cup of tea being placed in front of him. He decided to do something spontaneous and grabbed Clara's hand and pulled her into his lap.

When Pete grabbed her and pulled her into his lap Clara had been surprised. She giggled, "Pete? What about your back?"

Pete wrapped his arms around her waist and replied, "It feels better. Besides it's not like I standing up carrying ye somewhere." He was content when she leaned back against him. He knew eventually they had to talk about certain things but he was hesitant to ruin their happiness. He dreaded having to tell her that he was practically impotent. He really didn't have the desire for sex and it's not Clara's fault. She's beautiful and plenty desirable. He wanted to make love to her but his body wasn't cooperating with him. It had to do with the fact that he really never had a sex drive to begin with. His sex drive was very low and it took forever to "get in the mood" for him. Mary didn't have the patience so he usually just made her happy however he could and didn't bother with himself. The only time she had the patience to deal with his frustrating lack of ability to get it up was the night Penny was conceived. It was really a wonder Penny was even conceived. It was just a stroke of luck that it had happened seeing they didn't have a normal sex life. They had actual intercourse once in their whole marriage. That one time also lead to her death as well as Penny being born. He felt guilty about giving her a child because it killed her. Mary was that even she was frustrated by his lack of response to anything she tried. That brought him back to Clara. He knew sooner or later he'd have to tell her but he had no idea how. He was terrified that she'd not want him anymore because she was young and deserved to be able to have a healthy sex life.

Clara turned on Pete's lap and could tell he was thinking to hard again. She sighed, "Pete? Stop thinking so much. You always either wind up berating yourself or feeling guilty about being with me. " She kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. After a few minutes she went to stand up and he wouldn't let her go. She looked at him and realized he was crying. She was glad that Paddy had taken Penny to a different room. She said, "Oh, Pete...What's bothering you, hunny?" She gently wiped his tears off of his cheeks. She ruffled his curly gray hair with one hand and caressed his cheek with the thumb of her other hand.

Pete whispered, "What are ye expecting out o' me in this relationship, Clara?"

Clara asked, "What brought this on?"

Pete stammered, "I.....can't..get it up, Clara. It's...always been so hard for me. I don't....think I'll be able to...be your lover much if at all..I can....please ye in other ways but....not the way ye deserve. It took...hours....for me ta be able ta conceive Penny with Mary. Ye deserve a man that can....make love ta ye and....give ye children. Not an old alcoholic who's practically useless even in the bedroom. The best I can offer is devoted companionship. Anything else is...debatable."

Clara replied, "It's all right, Pete. We can just try. If you can't make love to me then it's not a big deal. We don't have to do anything if it doesn't work. I'm just happy being with you with or without a sex life. Don't worry about it so much. I'm not going to stop loving you because you may or may not be able to have intercourse with me. But I do expect everything thing else a husband or significant other does like affectionate kisses, touches, sleeping together in the same bed, commitment to each other, regardless of whether we get married or not, and not to be a dirty little secret. I want people to know I belong to you and you belong to me. If I'm going to be in a committed relationship with you I do not want to be something you want to hide. I want us to be out in the open. We are a couple and we do everything as a couple. Some of the things you do break my heart but I am not ashamed of loving you, Pete." She kissed his forehead and lightly tapped his nose with her index finger.

Pete sighed, "I still can't believe ye want me. I'm not ashamed of ye I never could be...Ye are beautiful and kind. I just didn't know if you'd want to openly be tied ta me. I'm no prize. If I'm not doing something right just tell me. When it comes ta relationships....I'm an idiot. I'll do anything for ye ta be happy with me, eudail." He hadn't planned on just spitting it out but he knew she'd get it out of him anyway because he just couldn't not answer her. He felt a little better that it was out in the open at any rate.

Clara smiled and replied, "From this point on I'd like to be openly an important part of your life. I am yours and I want those bastards you work with to know it. I want them to know I am with you because I want to be and not because I'm your whore. I don't care if you call me your lover, significant other, wife, soul mate, girlfriend. You can choose and I will go with it."

Pete rubbed Clara's back and replied, "It's not right ta call ye my wife since we aren't married. Yer more than just my girlfriend besides I don't really want ta be called boyfriend. I'm a bit to old ta be that. Lover....just isn't right either. I kind of like soul mate but that's just for family and friends. Significant other? That fits us I think the best at this stage."

Clara replied, "Significant other it is then for now. I hope someday to be a wife."

Pete whispered, "I hope ta someday be worthy of being yer husband, eudail." He rested his cheek against Clara's shoulder and closed his eyes.

Clara knelt in front of him on the floor so he had to look at her. She asked, "Why do you think you are not good enough? I love you and I think you are good enough. You make sure we have enough money for food, clothes and the occasional desired item. Granted we are somewhat poor but you always make sure we have money for what we need. You stay sober on the weekends for Penny. If anything you are a good father. You've allowed me to help control your drinking by giving you an "allowance" of a certain amount of money each day. Do I wish you would stop drinking? Yes but you are what you are and I can't make that choice for you. I will tell you this even being an alcoholic you are far better than the majority of others in the world. You care about your family and are willing to choose us over drinking on the weekends. Maybe someday you'll be able to choose us over drinking at all. You are a decent, loving, caring, and kind man. You've taken two women into your home simply because they had nowhere else to go without expecting them to put out for it. That makes you a gentleman as well. You are by no means perfect but if the day comes that you want to get married, I'll be proud to call you my husband."

Pete sighed, "I never felt good enough for Mary either but that was due to lack of being able to make love ta her. It was also the age gap. I was 45 and she was 15 years younger than me. She was 30 and wanted to have children. I shouldn't have married her. I should have let her find someone better than me who could have given her what she wanted. I can't promise ta give ye children Clara. Hell ye'll be lucky if I can even have sex at all."

Clara replied, "Look at me, Pete. I'd like to have children but we do have Penny so if we don't have any of our own I can live with that. I didn't expect to have a big family if we had any kids of our own anyway. I didn't know if you'd want any more children. I'm aware that some men have a age where they decide they don't want any kids after that point. The funniest thing is that I am 30 years old. You seem to like that number."

Pete gasped, "I didn't even realize that ye were 30. I knew ye were young but....Shite that makes ye 20 years my junior. I'm 50 now. I guess I do qualify as a dirty old man and cradle robber."

Clara scolded, "Stop that. you keep putting yourself down. You are not a cradle robber. Going by that faulty logic what does that make me? A grave robber? I don't care that you are 20 years older than me. I chose you . It shouldn't matter as long as we are happy together."

Pete replied, "Sorry. Yer right. I was always told I'm not good enough for anyone. That's why being married ta Mary was a secret. She also didn't want to deal with being associated with me and the newspaper. She looked at us being married as a scandal. She didn't even take my name. The only reason Penny has my name is because Mary was dying and thought it was best ta giver the baby my name since I had ta raise her on my own. I loved Mary but as I look back she was very selfish in a lot of ways. I'm not even sure if she loved me really. I though she did but definitely not as much as I loved her. She didn't want anyone ta know we were married, she never introduced me ta her family, never even wore her wedding band when she went out. She came...from money and I couldn't keep her in that bracket. I worked myself in ta the ground trying but I was never good enough. She was embarrassed of me and left me here when she visited her folks in London. pfffft. She probably would have left me eventually. Nothing was harder than calling her folks to tell them she was dead. They never forgave me. I didn't even tell them Penny was alive. I had intended to tell them because she is their grandchild but after how they treated me just for informing them she was gone...I knew they'd take the child away if I told them. I told them she was still born. She had never even told them she was married. They accused me of taking advantage of her and knocking her up. They wouldn't believe that we had been married for 3 months when she got knocked up. I was banned from the funeral of my own WIFE. They called me all sorts of filthy names. I was already heart-broken and then I couldn't even go to her funeral. First the fact that I was 15 years older than her and then add ta that I'm Scottish. They hated Scots, newspaper reporters, and older men. At least where their children were concerned anyway. She was ashamed ta be married ta me and I used ta wonder why she even married me. Sorry, Clara ye don't need ta listen ta me complain about my dead wife."

Clara kissed his cheek and replied, "It's all right. You never talked about her after she died did you? No I didn't think so. You need to talk about it. I can tell that she hurt you with more than her death."

Pete leaned back in the chair and sighed, "Aye. She made me feel unworthy and unloved. I tried so hard ta make her happy. Really I did but I just wasn't in her class. I was a poor newspaper hack and she was an heiress to a big company in London. She was beautiful with long flowing blonde hair and a cheeky smile that brightened up a room. I fell for her charms very quickly because I was lonely. God help me but I loved her and was lost without her. I.....think she just wanted a child. She tried ta get me ta take her ta bed but I refused ta unless we married. Imagine her surprise when she found out I...couldn't get it up without hours of frustration. I hadn't even thought about it until I wasn't responding ta her efforts. After that her whole demeanor changed. She became distant and at times cold. She took care of the house, made meals, and everything that she was expected to do but her........ affectionate gestured dwindled to the only time she showed me any affection was when she wanted something like when she wanted me to pleasure her or buy her something. After she became pregnant she was a bit nicer ta me but the damage was all ready done to our marriage. That's why I told ye all of this.....I don't want ye ta be another Mary and us both be miserable. I'd rather ye find a man that can give ye what ye need rather than be stuck with me and miserable."

Clara touched his cheek and replied, "I'm sorry about how Mary made you feel but I'm not her. I'm not going to reject you or stop loving you because you can't get it up or give me a child. If we find out you can that's wonderful but if not I'm not going to stop loving you. Now do you want to teach me how to play poker? Penelope keeps bugging me to play it and I have no idea how too."

Pete shook his head in amusement as he replied, "Aye. Why not. Get Paddy and Penny out her. I'll teach Paddy too. Then maybe I'll teach ye Gin Rummy." He took the deck of cards that Clara offered him and shuffled them. He put his glasses back on and knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract him from his self destructive thoughts. He admired her for her determination and patience with him. He spent the next 4 hours teaching and playing poker with his family. For all intense and purposes he had a wife and 2 daughters. He had thought he'd die a lonely old man but maybe he won't now. He was happier than he had ever been with his makeshift family. Clara and Paddy learned Poker quite quickly. By the end of the game he was the loser. Penny was the winner and The other two tied in points. After dinner he taught them all how to play Gin Rummy. He won the first game and Clara won the second.

When it was time for bed Paddy hugged everyone and said, "Night, Dr. Pete, Clara, Penelope."

Pete said, "Ye can drop the Dr. and just call me Pete, Paddy. I never really cared about the title anyway. It's not important for family ta call me that. Yes Paddy ye are part of this odd ball family now if ye want ta be."

Paddy wrapped her arms around him again and kissed his cheek. She replied, "Thank you, Pete. This means a lot."

Pete cleared his throat and replied, "Yer welcome. See ye in the morning, Paddy." He changed into his pajamas in the bathroom and settled as carefully as he could on the bed behind Penny. He kissed his little girls head and whispered good night to her. He sighed when he felt Clara settle behind with her hand under his shirt like she always did and her head against his shoulder on the pillows. He gently grasped her arm on his side and rumbled, " Deagh oidhche, eudail. I love ye."

Clara rubbed his soft belly gently and replied, "I love you too. Get some sleep." She kissed the back of his head before settling down to go to sleep herself.


	12. The Kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny is kidnapped and Pete is devastated

The next morning Pete woke up and rolled over to his side. He soon realized Clara was still asleep and just watched her. She was a very beautiful woman and could have had anyone for a mate but yet she chose him. It still amazed him that she wanted to stay with him instead of finding a young man who could offer her more than him. All he had to offer was a shitty rundown flat for her to live in, a daughter who adores Clara and his love and adoration for her. Oh how he adored her. He didn't even love Mary as much as he loves this short round faced woman who weaseled her way into his life. He gently tucked her loose hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead before closing his eyes with their foreheads touching on her pillow. He knew that when his time came he hoped Clara would be still by his side. He was starting to nod off again when he felt Clara caressing his cheek with her knuckles. He opened his eyes and she smiled at him.

Clara had a feeling Pete was awake but wasn't sure until he opened his eyes to look at her. She smiled and said, "Morning, handsome."

Pete just blew air out of his mouth and did a lip flap before saying, "Morning, eudail." He still thought she was crazy to think he was handsome but other than his little disagreeing noises he did contradict her anymore. 

Clara shook her head and firmly kissed Pete on the lips. She hated that he didn't think he was handsome but it was something he couldn't see. She carded her fingers through his wild curls and said, "Well I think you are handsome and I love you so just get used to it." 

Pete replied, "I'm trying. It's just not sticking. Sorry." He was distracted by Penny moving to sit leaning her arms on his side so he rolled on to his back. He chuckled, "Well, Morning, A Stor."

Penny wrapped her arms around her father and replied, "Morning, papa. We go to the park today? Please?"

Clara replied, "Why don't we see how your papa feels before we decide." She glared at Pete and he snapped his mouth shut because he knew better than to argue with her. She wasn't going to have him in pain just because he was to stubborn to say no once to Penny. She loved that Pete was a great father to Penny but he also had the weakness of always giving the girl what she wanted regardless of how he felt. She got up and Penny followed her so that Pete could have a few minutes to himself. She lightly kissed his lips before leaving to go start breakfast.

Pete knew Clara was only trying to take care of him but if Penny wanted him to take her to the park he would take her regardless of what Clara wanted. It took him a bit longer than normal because of his back to get showered and dressed but he managed. He painfully sat down and ate breakfast with his family and took the pain pills Clara gave him. He smoked a cigarette with the rest of his coffee. He stubbed it out in the ashtray and said, "We can go to the park in about an hour. If ye girls want ta come with us ye can."

Clara asked, "Are you sure you feel up to it? I can tell you are in a lot of pain."

Pete snapped, "I am fine. My little girl wants ta go ta the park and that's what we are going ta do. Or do I need yer permission ta leave the house?"

Clara gave him her no nonsense voice and scolded, "I am just trying to take care of you. You don't have to do everything Penelope wants especially if you are sick or in pain."

Pete sighed, "Yes I do, Clara. She gets very little time with me as it is due ta work and me being an alcoholic. The least I can do is do what she wants when I am around. She deserves that much from me." An hour later he was walking with Penny to the park where he sat down on a bench and smoked while his daughter played with the other kids. He knew Penny was lonely but she'd be old enough to start school in the fall. He knew she could make some friends there to play with after school. He'd need to enroll her soon even though he didn't really want to subject her to the crap there. He ground out his cigarette butt with his shoe and sighed. He knew the first things that the older children would pick on Penny for was his age, her not having a mam, his alcoholism, Clara and Maddy, two young unmarried women, living with an old widowed man, and that he is an washed up newspaper hack. He look up just in time to see a guy grab Penny. He ran after them but was too late because she was thrown in a van. He tried to remain as calm as he could to get the license plate number. He pulled out a pen and wrote it and a description of the van in his notebook. He had to get to the police. After he reported Penny kidnapped and did what he had to do he finally allowed himself to break down sobbing. 

Clara had beeen making dinner when the police showed up at Pete's door. She asked, "Can I help you officers?"

The older policeman replied, "We need you to come to the station with us ma'am. You're husband is there asking for you."

Clara took off the apron she was wearing and turned everything off before her and Paddy left with the cops. When she got there she was taken to an interrogation room where Pete was in the far corner with his legs drawn up and sobbing uncontrollable. She knelt on the floor next to him and gathered the crying man in her arms. She asked, "What happened, Pete? Where's Penelope?" 

Maddy had never seen Pete like this before. She had seen him cry once or twice but never outright sob like this so she knew something terrible had to have happened. 

Pete choked out, "Kidnapped..Park....My poor baby girl.....Tried to catch them.....Too old and slow." He just buried his head in her chest and continued to sob.

Clara knew the only thing that would truly make Pete fall apart was losing Penny. They had to find her alive or she was afraid of what Pete might do. She just held him while he sobbed. She look over at Paddy and said, "If you can put the word out that Penelope's been taken and see if you can find out anything, Paddy. I have to stay with Pete." She watched the girl nod and run out the door to start contacting sources. She whispered, "It's all right, hunny. We're going to find her. I swear if I get my hands on the bastard who took her he will wish he never went near her."

Pete sobbed, "It's my fault. I closed my eyes for a minute and they had her. I shouldn't have taken her ta the park. I'm sorry. I should have listened ta ye. Now I may never see her again." He was falling apart and he didn't know what to do.  
Clara said, "It's not your fault. It could have happened any other day as well. I know how well you watch her." She knew he was internally berating himself even though his wasn't talking. She could only hope Paddy was having better luck with her sources and editor.

Paddy had started by calling her editor. She said, "I need a piece printed today. I will get over as soon as I've written it. I'll tell you everything when I get there." She had gotten the van description and plate number from the cops. She wrote it up and hopped in a cab to get to the Daily News. When she got there she handed the editor her article. 

Devlin asked, "All right, Paddy. What's this about?"

Paddy said, "Dr. Pete's daughter was kidnapped earlier today when they were at the park. We need to do everything to help him find her. That's the article and any connections you have would be extremely helpful in finding Penelope."

Devlin said, "Wait...Pete has a daughter?"

Paddy replied, "Yes. That 5 year old child that came in with the woman to visit him a few weeks ago. That's his daughter."

Devlin said, "So that child is his? The child of that woman? I never took Pete for a man who would create a bastard child."

Paddy groaned, "Penelope isn't a bastard. She was his wife's daughter. His wife died giving birth to her. That woman is Clara, the live in nanny and Pete's girlfriend. I know this because I'm currently living with them."

Devlin sighed, "He's got quite the little harem going. Whatever. Fine I'll see what I can find out and print the story today because it's for Pete even if he does seem a bit a womanizer at the moment. He's a good man and deserves to get his girl back in one piece."

Paddy replied, "Thank you, Mr. Devlin." Paddy went back to the police station to find out Clara had taken Pete home so she got another cab to Pete's place. When she got there Clara told her he cried himself to sleep so she was letting him sleep. She told her what she got done at the newspaper and that now they had to wait. She was sitting on the sofa reading a book when Pete stumbled out of his room 3 hours later. She ran over and wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head against his chest. She said, "I'm so sorry Pete."

Pete wrapped his arms around Paddy and kissed the top of her head. He rasped, "Ye have nothing ta be sorry fer, Paddy. I'm the one who lost her. What wonderful father I'm turning out ta be. Can't even....save my little girl from.......being taken." He started berating himself in Gaelic under his breath.

Paddy said, "You're not a bad da. It's not your fault she was taken. I got everyone looking for her and an article in the paper with her description and all the details you gave the cops of the van."

Pete said, "Thank ye, Paddy. I guess this is a good enough reason for those letches to know Penny is my daughter. " He let go of Paddy and they all ate in silence. That night when he went to bed he sobbed himself to sleep in Clara's arms.


	13. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete's lost hope....Finally Penny comes home but she is scarred from her ordeal.
> 
> Short chapter

Pete was starting to lose hope of ever seeing his little girl again after 4 months went by without finding her. He was so distraught that Paddy was covering for him by getting 2 stories and giving him one or putting both their names on them so he didn't get fired. He was drug home every night from the press bar by Clara and Paddy. He figured they probably looked the sight with a sobbing man being half carried out of the bar but he could care less. He'd let them drag him home, help him change and then fall into bad still sobbing. The only conciliation is that even in his grief deep down he knew these two women loved him.

Clara was more than worried about Pete but other than take care of him and hope Penny came home there wasn't anything she really could do. For 4 months she has drug him home practically falling over drunk, forced him to eat, comforted him, helped him change, forced him to shower, and anything else she could. She knew he was lost in his own grief and had no idea how to drag him out of it. 

Paddy for the last 4 months had been covering for Pete at work so he didn't get fired. She would either go out and find 2 stories and give him one or put both their names on the one she could get. She was pretty sure the editor knew what she was doing but he never said a word to her about it. She would drag Pete to work long enough to write up the story she gave him but after he was finished with it he was at the pub. After he left one day Devlin called her in the office. She said, "You wanted to see me?"

Devlin sighed, "Yes, Paddy. Look I know you've been covering for Pete but I don't care as long the quality of your work doesn't suffer. You shouldn't cover for him but it's your choice. What I called you in her for is that the police called and told me they found a child matching the description of Pete's girl. I'm giving you the scoop because you brought the original one and you are close to him. I need you to find out if it's his daughter before you tell him just in case it's not. He doesn't need any more depressing news."

Paddy replied, "All right. Thank you. I'm sure Pete would rather I had the story since I've been staying with him and he's my best friend. I'll go check out if this girl is Penelope." She took off to the police station and asked to see the little girl they brought in. The minute she saw her she saw the girl was covered in black and blues, bruises, malnourished, and filthy. She said, "Hello?" The girl was in her arms immediately upon hearing her voice.

Penelope had been beaten, abused, raped, and starved. Now she sat in a police cell hoping that he father could finally find her after 4 months. She looked up at the voice and recognized Paddy and ran into her arms and cried, "Paddy. I want papa."

Paddy said, "Shhh. It's all right, Penelope. Soon as I can I'll get you home. Pete's been a wreck since you were taken. Thank god someone found you. Are you all right?"

Penelope shook her head and replied, "No. I need papa."

Paddy replied, "All right. I'll see what I can do." She went and asked about letting the girl go with her to her father. They said he had to sign release papers and such. She called the press bar and got Pete on the phone. She said, "Pete? It's Paddy. Can you come to the police station? They need you to sign papers or something. All right. I'll be here." She went back and stayed with Penelope until the cell door opened to a very drunken Pete.

Pete was annoyed that the cops needed him to still sign crap after 4 months. He hailed a taxi and got to the station. They led him to a cell and opened the door. He saw Paddy first and then the little girl sitting next to her who ran over to him yelling papa. He fell hard to his knees and wrapped his arms around his little girl. He sobbed in relief and whispered, "Penny, my Penny. I thought I had lost ye." 

Penelope ran over to her father yelling, "Papa!" She winced when he fell hard to his knees but ran into his arms. She cried in relief that she was finally home. Eventually they separated enough for him to stand up. She watched as Paddy had to help him stand up. She always knew he father was physically weak but he must have gotten worse since she was taken. She also realized he was drunker than he used to be.

Pete's eyes were blurry so he asked Paddy to place his hand where he needed to sign. He was able to sign his signature without being able to see it. He'd gotten good at that over the last 5 years. He took a copy of the report to read when his eyes cleared up. He let Paddy get the taxi and they all went home. He needed Paddy's help to get to their apartment but eventually made it. He opened the door and slurred, "Eudail?! I'm home! Guess who I brought with me!"

When Clara came out of the bedroom she fell to her knees and called, "Penelope? Oh my god. I am so glad to see you." She hugged the girl tightly when she ran into her arms. She pulled the girl back and saw how thin and bruised she was and wanted to kill the bastard who took her. She realized that Pete must not have seen the way the girl looked. 

Penelope ran to Clara and yelled, "Mama!" She was so happy to see the woman she forgot that she had never called her that but that's who she thought she was now. She was her mom as far as she was concerned. Besides Clara was papa's mate so logically that would make her mom.

Pete had been a bit surprised when he heard Penny call Clara mam but he wasn't opposed to the idea. It was up to Clara but if she didn't being called mama he didn't mind her being Penny's mam. Clara was his mate after all so he could see Penny's logical conclusion that Clara is her mam now. He flopped down heavily on the sofa and felt Penny curl up against his side like she always did before the kidnapping. He couldn't stop himself from sobbing relieved again that his little girl was home again. He felt her clutching his shirt and waistcoat as he held her close. 

Clara watched Pete and Penny cry themselves to sleep holding each other on the sofa. Later when they woke up she shoved them off to bed She was relieved that the girl was home because hopefully it would help Pete just go back to the semi-sober alcoholic he was before she was kidnapped. She went to sleep knowing her family was back together again.


	14. Penny Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny tells Clara what happened to her and Pete overhears it. He then has a talk with her himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of Child physical and sexual abuse.

The next morning Clara woke up and made breakfast letting Peter and Penny sleep. She was surprised when Penny came out while Peter was still asleep. She thought they'd be glued at the hip for a long time after what had happened. She helped the girl sit at the table and asked, "Where's Peter, Penelope?"

Penelope replied, "Sleeping. He looks so sad now. Too thin and sick looking. Papa's not ill is he?"

Clara sighed, "He was dying of a broken heart. He's not ill physically. He was very upset when you were taken, hunny. He is .....very lost without you in his life. You are the reason he keeps pushing himself to be better. With you gone he drank more, smoked more, refused to eat until I forced the issue. I fear what would have happened if you didn't make it home."

Penny said, "Mama? They did things ta me I don't understand. They shoved things inside of me. They made me handle their.....papa has one.....penis? I think that's the word. If I didn't do what they wanted me ta do they beat me." By the end of this she was sobbing and felt Clara wrap her in her arms.

Clara looked up toward the bedroom and saw Pete standing there. By the look on his face she could tell he heard enough if not all of what Penny had said. She'd deal with him later but right now she had to worry about Penny. She soothed, "It's all right. You're safe now."

Penny cried, "Did I do something wrong, mama?"

Clara replied, "God no. You listen to me, Penelope Mclltchie. You have done nothing wrong hunny." She watch Peter storm out of the house and was guessing he was going to the pub. 

Penny sobbed, "Papa hates me now, doesn't he?" She was so worried that after what had happened her father wouldn't want her anymore. She was damaged and soiled. She had seen the anger on his face as he stormed out of the apartment.

Clara replied, "No, hunny. You're father adores you. He'd never blame you for what they did to you. I think he just needed to be alone for a bit. He heard what you told me. I think he just needs to calm down."

Penny cried, "Papa angry with me?"

Clara held Penny close and soothed, "No. He's not mad at you, hunny. he's mad at the people who did that to you." She hoped Peter wouldn't be gone really long because he needed to talk to his little girl before she really started believing he was angry at her. 

Peter had woken up and gotten dressed when he realized he was alone. He gathered Paddy was at the Daily News office and he heard Clara and Penny talking in the other room. When he heard what those bastards did to her he wanted to rip them to shreds. He just had to get out of the house because he didn't want Penny or Clara to get the brunt of his anger. He went for a walk before getting a bottle of Whiskey. He broke his no booze in the apartment rule a long time ago after Penny was kidnapped. Clara had been angry with him but didn't fight with him. When he got back o the apartment Clara and Penny were not home. he found a note telling him they went shopping but would be back shortly. He sat in his mam's rocker by the window and put his ashtray, whiskey bottle and cigarettes on the end table next to it. He poured some in a tumbler an drank it in one gulp. He did that 3 more times before he felt numb enough to deal with what happened to Penny without unintentionally snapping at her. He lit a cigarette and took a drag on it and held it for a minute before he let it out. Not long after Clara and Penny came home. He took off his glasses and threw them on the table next to him as Penny started walking over to him. 

Clara was relieved to see Pete was home when they got back but she saw the bottle of whiskey and sighed. She didn't like the idea of Penny seeing him get drunk but she was more concerned with father and daughter going back to normal. She'll deal with his drinking in the apartment later. She gently pushed Penny to go to her father. She quietly said, "It's all right. Go on."

Penny was terrified that her father hated her now. She had never seen him like this before and it made her sad. She hesitantly walked over to gran's rocker and stammered, "Papa?" She flinched when he set his glass on the table. She took his hand when he held it out and took the hint to crawl into his lap. When he didn't protest she curled up against his shoulder. She stammered, "Are ye mad at me, papa?"

Pete helped Penny into his lap and waited for her to get comfortable against his left shoulder before he went back to his cigarette. He left the tumble where he had placed it on the table. Wouldn't do him any good to get shitfaced when Penny needed him to be somewhat sober. When she finally spoke he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gestured with his cigarette while he was talking. He replied, "No, Penny. I'm not mad at ye. I love ye. If I mad at anybody it's myself for being too old and slow to rescue ye. What they did ta ye wasn't yer fault, A Stor. I'm sorry I'm a bad da and couldn't protect ye from them. Ye deserve better than me." He ran his tongue over his bottom lip before he took another puff on his cigarette.

Penny sat back and clutched his waistcoat for balance. She looked up in his eyes and he looked away from her. She cried, "Yer a good da. It not yer fault I got stolen. Papa? Please look at me. I love ye. I don't want ye ta not be my da. All I think about was ye and how much I love ye. I hoped ye not hate me when I came home. If I came home."

Peter replied, "I understand. Ye think I'd hate ye because ye are damaged and abused. I never planned ta tell ye this...but I'm beyond damaged. My da had me stay with my uncle one summer when I was a young lad and he...did ta me what those men did ta ye. He beat me.....and raped me. I never told anyone. I was ashamed and...scared. My da....never understood why I lost my faith. He never forgave me for not becoming a minister like him. I'm proud of ye, Penny. Ye were able ta tell someone. The only reason why I'm telling ye now is because I want ye to know I could never hate ye because o' that. I also wanted ye ta know that out o' everybody I understand what ye are going through and what it feels like ta be violated like that. No one could ever be more sorry than me that ye had ta go through that. No matter what happens I'll always love ye. Ye'll always be my little girl. hhhokay?"

Penny wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed with relief. She rested her head against his and her chin on his shoulder. She felt him wrap his arms around her back. She was always comforted by his smell. She new Clara wasn't too fond of it but the combination of smells he always had mixed together let her know it was him. He smelled of cigarette smoke, Whiskey, Old Spice, citrus, and coffee. She was so used to associating these smells with her father that she only felt safe when she could smell them together. That was all that enabled her to sleep the night before. She was finally safely wrapped in his arms again.

Pete took one more puff on his almost finished cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray and wrapping his arms around Penny's back and holding her tightly. He kissed her temple and just rubbed his hands up and down her back while she sobbed. He wanted to kill the men who had hurt her so badly and made his little girl afraid of his rejection but he knew he couldn't but he hoped like hell that they got what they deserved for what they did to her. After a while he felt her try to move so he loosened his grip on her and she settled back down in his lap with her head against his shoulder and her hand clutching his shirt under his waistcoat near the top of his belly. He was suddenly glad he didn't button the waistcoat. He felt her settle down and after a while he realized she had cried herself to sleep but her grip never loosened on his shirt. He lit another cigarette and forced back his own tears. After he finished that cigarette he put it out and leaned back against the back of the rocker and closed his eyes. He wasn't really tired but he wasn't about to disturb Penny. He must have nodded off because he woke up to Penny crying and shaking him. He hugged her and rasped, "I'm all right, A Stor. Sorry. I musta fell asleep. Shhh."

Penny woke up and her father was too quiet. Her anxiety was made worse when he didn't reply to her calling him or shaking him. She cried, "Papa? Please wake up!" When he finally answered her she broke down sobbing again. She only remember him being that sound asleep when he passed out drunk the times she snuck home from the neighbor's apartment. She stammered, "Ye ok. papa?"

Peter replied, "Yep.. Don't worry about your old da so much. Ye should be doing things like playing with yer stuffed animals or dollies. Not worrying about me." He kissed the top of her head and smiled at her when she pulled back to look at him. He just let her do whatever she wanted while she ran her hands over his face and his hair.

Penny said, "No glasses. Ye pretty, papa." She rarely saw her father without his glasses on. She was surprised by how he looked nerdy with them but without them he was quite fetching. She knew why Clara thought her father was attractive now. She had never thought him as attractive or unattractive. He was just her papa and she loved him no matter what he looked like. She also noticed he had more lines on his face, looked even more tired, to thin and pale, and gaunt than he did before she was taken. His hair was longer and grayer as well. She could tell he wasn't taking care of himself and that bothered her. She knew Clara was trying to take care of him but there was only so much mama could do if he wouldn't help. She tapped his nose to get his attention and said, "Ye need to take care of yerself. Ye look sick."

Peter gently coaxed her closer to his left while he lit a cigarette. He took a drag and sighed, "While ye were gone...I was lost. I couldn't cope with it. I shut everyone out including Clara. Ye have no idea how important ye are ta me. Without ye I...have really no desire ta live. Ye are part of me. Ye have been the reason for over 5 years I'm still alive. Clara is important but she not ye. I am what I am inside because of the joy ye brought me. Without that joy I don't want ta be here. Ye are the light of my life, A Stor. I am very glad ye are home. I'll try ta take better care of myself."

Penny asked, "Promise?"

Pete replied, "Promise. Now why don't ye get a game or cards. Ye can beat me as many times as ye like." He helped her onto the ground before pouring another drink and sipping it.

Penny teased, "Ye are easy ta beat at cards, Papa."

Peter chuckled and replied, "Aye. I used ta be good at winning e long time ago but not anymore. Go find something for us ta do. I'll be right here when ye get back." He looked up from his drink to see Clara standing over him and waited for her to say something. Finally he sighed, "Are ye gonna say something ta me or just stare?"

Clara sighed, "Is everything all right between you two now?"

Peter firmly replied, "Yep." He took another drag on the cigarette and knocked the ashes in the ashtray. He could feel her eyes trying to drill a hole in him and finally snapped, "What?"

Clara replied, "Do you really think you should be drinking in front of Penelope? I thought you wanted to set a good example. Besides it's 9am. Isn't that a little early even for you to be trying to get drunk?"

Peter sighed, "Fine after this bottle is finished I won't bring anymore home. ....Pfffft, Who am I kidding? Yer right. I don't want Penny to wind up as pathetic as I am, eudail. Here take it. Do whatever ye want with it. Hide it. Dump it. I don't care." He finished the drink in his tumbler and handed both it and the whiskey half empty bottle to Clara. He closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the rocker. When Penny found some games he put his glasses back on and spent the afternoon and evening playing them with her.

Clara watched Peter playing games with Penny and wondered if this is what they used to be like before she moved in with them. She had been taking a lot of time away from Penny that he had probably shared with the girl before he met her. She looked up when the door opened and smiled at Paddy from by the stove. 

Paddy went right over to Pete and said, "You didn't come to work today at all. I told them you were busy with the police over Penelope coming home. I only told them she was beaten by her kidnappers. I didn't tell them anything else but Devlin backed off because of the paperwork involved. I'm not trying to be pushy but I need to know if you are coming to work tomorrow or if I have to lie again for you."

Peter lit a cigarette and took a drag before answering, "I'll be in tomorrow, Paddy. I'm sorry ye've had ta cover my arse for 4 months. I never expected ye ta do it at all but thank ye just the same."

Paddy squatted in front of him and replied, "I'm your friend. I don't want to see you lose your job because you were devastated over what happened but I can't keep this up forever. I'm really not earning any points with Devlin and I'm getting exhausted trying to do 2 peoples jobs. I love you like a dad but you gotta try and pull yourself back together again, Pete."

Pete sighed, "I know. I understand. I'm sorry. I'll start doing my own shite again. Ye've been a very good friend, Paddy. Thank ye." Not long after Clara called them all to the table for dinner. When it came time to go to bed he was sitting in the rocker looking out the window smoking another cigarette. He knew sooner or later they'd have to deal with the fallout of Penny being kidnapped but he half hoped she could bury like he did but he also knew that wasn't good for her either. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see Clara. He looked at his watch and saw it was 12am. He sighed, "Sorry, eudail. I didn't mean to keep ye up. Let me finish this and I'll go to bed." A few minutes later he finished his cigarette and put it out before emptying the ash tray. He got his pajamas and changed in the bathroom before crawling into bed behind Penny. He few minutes later he felt Clara curl up behind him with her hand on his soft belly under his shirt where she always held him at night. He soon nodded off sandwiched between his girls.


	15. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny winds up terrified whenever away from Pete while Pete hates himself for failing his little girl.  
> This is a little darker i think than previous chapters.

The next morning when Peter woke up he got showered and dressed before having breakfast with everyone and went with Paddy to work. He was writing an article that he had done a lot of leg work for when he looked up to see Clara with a very distraught Penny in her arms. He saw Paddy look at him and waved them in. He didn't expect Penny to run ahead of Clara and be sobbing. He picked her up and sat her on his knees. He asked, "What happened? Clara? A Stor?" He wasn't getting out of his daughter because she was sobbing uncontrollable with his tie in a vise like grip.

Clara replied, "She panicked when you were gone an hour. She started screaming and throwing a fit until I brought her here to see you. I think she's starting to realize what happened to her and the only person she wants is "papa" to be with her."

Devlin came out of his office and asked, "Will someone please get the screaming kid out of the off.... Oh. Is that your daughter, Pete?"

Pete replied, "Aye. I'm sorry but she only wants ta be with me right now."

Devlin sighed, "Please at least try to shut her up so we can all get some work done here. As soon as your article is done you can leave for the day."

Pete got Penny to look at him and said, "A Stor? Love? I need ye ta be quiet. If ye want ta stay here with me ye need to calm down all right?"

Penny stuttered, "Aye, papa. Sorry." She settled in his lap with her silver hair teddy bear. She put her head against his chest so she could hear his heart berating. She also found his scent comforting. The scent of whiskey, cigarettes, menthol and old spice never smelt better to her. She also found her father's Scottish gravel like raspy rumble comforting. It not that she didn't love Clara or Paddy... She just had to be with papa right now. She only felt safe when she was with him.

Pete was glad once Penny settled down and not wanting to start her wailing again he just worked around her. He wound up having to type one handed with the chair turned halfway to the side, make phone calls sideways as well. He knew she was only this clingy because she had been kidnapped and now he was the one person she considered safe but it was a challenge to work with her not being willing to let go of him. He wound up asking Paddy to get him paper, new typewriter ribbon, even coffee and cigarettes because if he moved he was afraid Penny would start wailing again. He asked, "Paddy? Where's Clara?"

Paddy replied, "She went to the grocery store. Said we needed food in order to have something for dinner. She was going to take Penelope but she seemed a bit permanently attached to you for the time being."

About 2 hours later Pete finally finished the article and said, "Penny? I need to take this article ta Mr. Devlin. Will ye let me get up please?" She started to cry again and he stood up and then picked her up even though he knew she was to heavy for him to carry with his bad back. He handed his boss his article. He groaned, "I'm sorry, Penny, but I can't carry ye. It's hurting my bad back to much. Please don't start crying. Here take my hand. We are going home now." He was relieved that once they were out of the crowded building she didn't start sobbing. When he got home with her she was attached to his pant leg while he made himself a cup of coffee. He took his coffee, cigarettes, matches, and ashtray over to the table next to his rocker. He sat down and immediately Penny was in his lap sitting again him on the opposite side of the table. He lit a cigarette and took a drag before asking, "All right. What happened?"

Penny said, "I...don't know, papa. I only know I don't feel safe without ye right there. I'm afraid I was taken again."

Peter puffed on his cigarette and scratched the top of his hair at his temple with the hand holding the cigarette while he blew out the smoke. He said, "Ye do know that Clara and Paddy won't ever hurt ye right? They love ye just like I do."

Penny replied, "I know but they are not ye. That's the problem. I only want ye. I only feel safe with ye. It's not about them."

Pete sighed, "It might be that ye are not afraid of them. Ye are terrified of not being with me because I was that dumb wanker that lost ye in the first place. Ye associate being kidnapped with me not being there. Yer anxiety is all my fault because I couldn't stop them from taking ye. I'm sorry." He knew sooner or later it would catch up to him and now it looked like he would be taking Penny to work with him for a while or he'd wind up with the same disaster he had this afternoon. He took a drink of his coffee before he lit another cigarette. If he didn't need the income he'd quit the newspaper and start that bloody novel he had been wanting to start writing for years. He finished his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray and closed his eyes. He woke up to Penny shaking him and crying again. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed, "I'm all right, A Stor. I just fell asleep. I'm old and tired, love. That's all."

Penny was terrified when she couldn't get her father to wake up. When he finally did she cried, "I'm sorry. I was afraid ye had.....left me again."

Pete knew she was saying "I was afraid ye dropped dead, papa" but she didn't really want to think about it. He knew this was going to be a long recovery for her and him especially if every time he falls asleep she panics and shakes the shit out of him to wake him to make sure he's still alive. After another hour he heard the door open and Clara came in with two grocery bags. He asked, "Do ye need any help, Clara? Although I'll warn ye Penny will start wailing again."

Clara replied, "Thank you for the offer but I'm good. Oh here. Paddy mentioned you were near the end of the pack you had at work and I knew it was the last pack you had." She placed 4 packs of cigarettes on his side table. Paddy had told her he was almost out and she knew he would come directly home because he had Penny.

Pete replied, "Thank ye, Clara. I was more worried about Penny than to get cigarettes."

Clara chuckled, "I know what you are like when you don't have any. You are unbearable."

Pete replied, "Aye. Can't argue with ye there." 

Clara asked, "Did you find out what I did wrong with Penelope?"

Pete replied, "Ye didn't do anything wrong, Clara. Ye just aren't me. I was the one that she was taken from and now she apparently has associated it only being safe if I'm with her now. I'm hoping it will pass because I can't afford a shrink for her. I guess if I had no choice I'd find a way but it would be tough ta do even if I could stop drinking. They are expensive and I'd have ta take her myself. I'm no good at this Shite. She's terrified ta be away from me and I....don't know how ta FIX it!" He started sobbing himself and that woke Penny up again. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her.

Penny had nodded off right after Clara came home but was woken up when her father's body started shaking. As she woke up she realized he was sobbing. She cried, "Papa? What I do wrong?"

Peter rasped, "Ye didn't do nothing wrong, Penny. I'm the one that messed up by loosing ye. I'm a terrible da. I can't even protect ye. Probably ye would have been better off without me as a da. I'm so sorry I'm such a bloody fuck up." He took his glasses of and dropped them on the table with his cigarettes and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

Clara knew Pete usually only used words like bloody or shite as curses. He rarely used the word fuck unless he's really in a self loathing mood. She went over and squeezed his shoulder. She said, "You're not a terrible father, Pete. Kids sadly get kidnapped every day. You know that. That doesn't make everyone who's child was taken a terrible parent. Some probably are but not all of them. You love Penelope and will do anything for her. If you were a terrible father you would care at all about her. You're not a perfect father but you are a good father. I rarely see children with single parents as happy as Penelope is with you. I could see it the day I met you. The only thing I know she wants is more time with you but the time she does have with you she is one of the happiest children I have ever known. You have done a wonderful job raising her considering."

Pete was really depressed and hating himself. If he had been younger, faster, and closer he might have been able to stop Penny from being taken from him in the first place. Now his beautiful little girl was emotionally and mentally fucked up because he didn't protect her properly. No he was a terrible da because he should have noticed something was wrong. The saddest part about it was that he hadn't even been drunk when it happened. He was stone cold sober and he still couldn't protect her. What fucking good was he? None apparently. He was a failure as a da. He should just kill himself or leave before he fucks up Penny's life anymore...He can't though because he just can't leave her terrified without the only person she feels safe with anymore. He loves Penny as much as he hates himself. He was at a loss as how to fix her life without causing her more pain.


	16. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete is still taking Penny to work and he apologizes to Clara.

A few weeks later found Pete at work with Penny still on his lap at he typed up his articles. The hardest part of working with a 5 year old that at the very least wouldn't let go of your hand was the interviews. When people asked him why he had a 5 year old either latched onto his trousers, holding his hand or sitting in his lap during an interview he could only sigh, "It's a miserably long story." Then they would just ignore Penny while he asked questions and took note because they really didn't care to know the answer anyway. The only thing he was sure both Paddy and Clara thought was good was that having a 5 year old attached to his hip practically 24/7 kept him stone cold sober. The only time she wasn't with him was when he was in the bathroom showering, using the facilities or whatever but she was waiting right at the door until he came out and immediately wrapped her little arms around his legs. When she needed to use them he went with her and waited on the other side of the stall door. He was aware she was suffering with nightmares about him dying or being separated from her. He was woken in the middle of the night by her thrashing next to him and hitting him as she woke up terrified he was dead. He knew this was the trauma that she hadn't registered at first. He just didn't know what do except hold her while she sobbed and keep her with him all the time to try and ease her terror. He knew sooner or later Devlin would say something but he had no idea what to do when that happened. 

Penny was playing with her dolls on the floor when she realized her father had gotten too quiet. She stood up and noticed he was still and quiet. She suddenly panicked and started doing anything she could to wake him up. She pulled on his clothes, smacked and shook his legs and hands. She was also yelling, "Papa! No! Please wake up, papa!" She was sobbing when he finally suddenly woke up with a start before pulling her up into his lap where she curled up and cried on his chest.

Pete had finally gotten Penny to sit on the floor playing with her dolls quietly as long as she could touch him. He gathered that was progress but if he got up to go anywhere she was grabbing his clothes. He took off his glasses and put them on his desk. He rubbed his eyes because he was so exhausted. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep until he felt tiny frantic hands yanking his clothes, smacking and shaking him. Soon after he registered the yelling and snapped awake grabbing her as she climbed in his lap and he tried to hush her. He said, "Shh. It's all right, A Stor. I'm right here. Not going anywhere. Sorry, I'm just so tired. I need sleep."

McVie actually felt sorry for old Pete since that girl was taken. Now he was starting to realized what the old bastard was dealing with now. He asked, "That why you bring her here, Pete?"

Pete looked up and sighed, "Aye. I can't leave her at home. She only stays calm if she can see I'm fine and stay within reach. I fall asleep she does this thinking her old man died. I get woken up in the middle of the night the same way after her nightmares ta make sure I'm still alive. I haven't slept in weeks and barely slept months before that. I'm at a loss as ta what ta do ta help her. She's terrified if I'm not awake and she can touch me or I'm holding her."

McVie replied, "For what it's worth, Pete. I am sorry that all this happened to you. I hate to say it but you may need to take her to a shrink."

Pete sighed, "I know....I just can't afford it...nor do I want ta cause her anymore bloody trauma."

McVie replied, "You need to do something. . I'm afraid if this keeps up you may drop dead from exhaustion instead of old age. You are just too old to be up all night and day."

Pete hated to admit it but McVie was right. He was too old for what's going on in his life right now. He had even not bothered with solidifying his relationship with Clara over what happened to Penny. He was exhausted and all he wanted was to sort Penny out and sleep for a year. He owed Clara better than the shite and grief he's been giving her. She was still by his side after everything. He needed a shoulder to cry on she was there. She even held him at night while he sobbed and clung to her like a child while Penny was missing. She had never pressed him or even asked him about what she was to him. That night when he got home with Penny he knew he had to talk to Clara. When he got Penny on the bed after she fell asleep in his lap he sat with Clara on the sofa. He took both of her hands and said, "Clara, I'm so sorry I've been as bastard ta ye and haven't even asked about yer feelings. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I ignore ye. I never was a good boyfriend or husband. I owe ye so much for just being here when I needed a friend. Ye deserve so much better than an old broken drunk."

Clara asked, "Are you breaking up with me?"

Pete sigh, "Not unless that's what ye want. I can understand if ye do. I've treated ye like shite since Penny was taken. It was MY fault and I took it out on ye. I just want ye ta know I'm sorry. I'm not a good man and ye don't deserve ta be treated like I treated ye. What ye deserve a man that will worship ye and treat ye right. Not a man who fucks up and takes it out on ye when he should be beating himself up. I..."

Clara replied, "You silly old man. I'm not interested in breaking up with you. I love you and I'm not upset with you at all. You were beside yourself with grief. I understand because Penny is your only child and your little girl. I'm not mad but if it will make you feel better I forgive you. Besides you didn't treat me that badly. "

Pete replied, "I still shouldn't have ignored yer feelings and verbally abused ye like I did. Grieving isn't really an excuse. I deserve ta be left alone for it. If I ever do that again I want ye ta make sure I stop even if ye have ta hit me. I don't want ta do that again. Ye treat me like a.... husband and I treated ye like a slave or whore. That isn't right. I don't deserve ye, Clara. "

Clara replied, "All right. I'll make sure you know when you are being an asshole. Whether you deserve me or not, I am what you NEED. You need someone to take care of you and love you no matter what and accepts you even with your faults." She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips and when they parted she deepen the kiss a bit before they separated.

Pete rasped, "Aye. I do need ye. So does Penny. I....do love ye, Clara. I'm just rubbish at it." He let her drag him into the bedroom where they changed and curled up on the bed next to Penny.

Clara kissed Pete's cheek before settling down on his shoulder. She said, "I know you're rubbish at showing love. You are rubbish at a lot of things but I'll always love you anyway." 

Pete kissed the top of her head and replied, "Ye are too good to me, my Clara."

Clara replied, "Go to sleep."

Pete chuckled and replied, "Aye, Lassie. Yer the boss."

Clara teased, "Yeah, I am." She slipped her hand up his top and rested her flat palm on his soft pudgy belly. After a few minutes she felt his arm around her shoulders slacken and heard him start to snore. She soon followed him to sleep.


	17. What a Wanker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete can't seem ta win lately

Pete was relieved when Penny finally started to let him go to work alone. He still had to check in at home 2-3 times a day but as long as he saw her or talked to her on the phone multiple times a day she was calmer. Devlin had set him up with a friend who was a therapist that agreed to help him for nothing unlike most therapists. He later found out that everyone at work made a pool to pay for the therapist because as much as they liked his daughter they pitied him. He didn't really want to accept it but he didn't have a choice if he had any hopes of his little girl being able to live a normal life. He still had to take time off to go to the sessions with Penny but she wasn't as terrified of him disappearing or dying anymore as long as he checked in. She was letting him sleep after the therapist suggested she try listening for his heartbeat instead of waking him. He found her fast asleep on his chest every morning after that with her ear over his heart but she didn't wake him. The only problem with her whole body being on his chest and belly was he couldn't breathe to well with the added weight.

Clara had gotten up to make breakfast and was glad Penny was letting Pete sleep through the night now because he was exhausted before they got her therapy. It had been 6 months and their life was starting to get back to normal even though Penny was still glued to Pete's hip whenever he was near her. He could at least go to work without Penny sobbing and screaming now. Anymore when Penny wanted to go to the park both her and Pete would go together with Penny so they both could keep an eye on her. 

One night at dinner Pete said, "Maybe we she get a bigger apartment? Three in one bed and Paddy stuck on a lumpy couch isn't idea. With Paddy's income and mine we might be able to get a 2 bedroom apartment. That's if Paddy and Penny don't mind sharing a room."

Paddy replied, "That's all right with me. We can start looking for something fairly close to the Daily News like this one but bigger."

Clara replied, "That would be a good idea."

Penny asked, "Why can't Clara and Paddy share? We were sharing first."

Pete sighed, "Because I love ye dearly but ye need ta leave my bed eventually or people will start thinking I'm doing improper things ta ye. It's the way a lot o' sick minds work. If a parent lets their kid sleep with them they are molesting them even when they're not. You'll understand as ye get older. I'm not trying ta push ye away. It just isn't considered proper after a certain age for a father and daughter ta share a bed. If they do then they are doing something wrong ta their kid."

Penny whined, "But papa. You'd never hurt me."

Pete replied, "No I wouldn't but that don't matter ta the bastards that look at us sharing a bed as wrong. It's a bunch o' bullshite but it's the way it is, Penny. Not every parent is like that but it don't matter."

Penny got up and ran into her father's room and slammed the door. She flopped on the bed and started sobbing. She didn't understand what her father was talking about and all he did was hurt her feelings. 

Pete cursed, "Fuck. Now I've gone and done it, 'aven't I? I can't explain ta her that people will think I'm bloody raping and molesting her because we share a bed. I'd never do that but nobody gives a shite whether ye do it or not because it's taboo so it must be wrong. She won't understand until she has ta deal with it. I'm going for a walk." He left the apartment and just started walking. He wasn't sure where he was going until he wound up at the Press Bar. He shook his head that even after over 6 months he still automatically walked here. He thought about getting drunk but being an alcoholic he knew that he'd wind up in the same pattern he was in when Clara met him. He forced himself to keep walking until he was in the park. He sat on the bench and lit a cigarette while he berated himself. He should have told Penny more gently although he was sure he would have had the same reaction anyway. She had slept with him since the day she was born and now she was almost 6 years old and would be going to school soon. He sighed because he knew it looked to her like he was rejecting her and pushing her away especially after being taken from him. They were just starting to get their lives back and he had to open his big fat gob. Why? He wanted to save them both the ridicule and inquiries about him doing bad things to her. He also wanted Clara to be able to have a proper relationship with him. It's pretty hard to have sex with your little girl right on the other side of you. What a bloody mess he had gotten himself into with all of this shite.

Clara started to worry when Pete wasn't home by 3 in the morning. She had checked the pub but he hadn't even been there which was a good thing because he might not be drunk but a bad thing because she had no idea where he had gone. When he came in the apartment around 3:30 am she scolded, 'Where the bloody hell have you been?"

Pete winced at the tone in her voice and knew she was pissed at him. Eh. What else was new? Only one not pissed at him right now was Paddy...well as far as he knew anyway. He replied, "I told ye I went for a walk. I walked ta the park. I....lost track of time. Sorry."

Clara smacked him so hard she watched him jerk to the side with the force of it and replied, "You bloody wanker. You had me worried to death that something happened to you. Don't you ever do that to me again." She then pulled him down to her level and kissed him hard on his lips until he started to respond. She had him in a passionate kiss before he even knew what hit him. She pulled away and asked, "Do you understand?"

Pete blinked a few times and hissed after she had smacked him because honestly that REALLY had hurt but he knew he deserved it. She wouldn't have done it if he hadn't. Then she yanked him to her level and kissed him right after hitting him. Loving Clara was an emotional roller coaster ride and he wouldn't have it any other way. He touched his cheek because of lingering sting and replied, "Aye, Lassie. Got it." After that kiss he willingly throw himself of a cliff if she asked. He was completely in love and devoted to her. She literally could beat the shit out of him as long as she kept kissing him like that. The only thing he wouldn't do was give up his little girl. His daughter was off limits but anything else he'd do. He smiled a bit crookedly happy that she still wanted him even though he's been a pain in her ass. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. He sighed, "I'm sorry, my Clara. I just needed time alone."

Clara replied, "When I didn't find you at the pub I was afraid something bad had happened."

Pete sighed, "No. I 'aven't been hurt or killed yet and I've lived here most o' my life, eudail."

Clara ran her hand over his tie and replied, "But what if you had a heart attack or stroke? I wouldn't know where to find you."

He looked in her sad brown eyes and asked, "Ye really were that scared o' me dropping dead? Oh, Clara. I'm sorry. I'll try ta not be gone so long or tell ya where I am going. I didn't even know I'd wind up in the park myself."

Clara whispered, "I love you, Pete. I'm not going to lose you without a fight."

Pete replied, "I love ye as well, Clara. I'm not going to give ye up either." He let her lead him to his room and they changed before sliding in together. He kissed her a few times before they settled down to go to sleep. He felt like all he did was screw up things. He got his wife pregnant and she died having that child, then Penny was kidnapped and seriously messed up, now Clara was constantly worried about him and he's a complete wanker to her at times. That's not including being an alcoholic and Paddy having to cover for him at work for months. He was like a broken coffee machine.....From bean to cup.....He ALWAYS fucks up. Bad luck that's what he is. He eventually fell asleep because he was too tired to berate himself anymore.

Clara loved Pete more than anyone she ever had before but there were days she wanted to just hit him repeatedly because he was being inconsiderate and stupid. He had told her if he was being an asshole to hit him and she smacked him hard. She could tell by the guilty look he knew he had deserved it. She felt him finally start to fall asleep and she settled down with her head on his shoulder and hand slipped under his top with her palm flat against his soft pudgy belly. She finally fell asleep knowing he was safe at home in their bed.


	18. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New update lol. Family issues get drug into work

A few days later Peter was at work and was surprised when McVie came over to his desk. He sighed, "Wut do ye want, McVie?"

McVie held up his hands and replied, "Was just curious how your little girl is doing, old man. I didn't have any idea you even had one until your woman started showing up with the girl."

Pater replied, "Penny is fine as id Clara. She's finally starting to heal from being abducted. She's finally letting her da sleep at night. She still doesnae like ta be separated from me for long though. Therapy is helping but it's slow going."

McVie replied, "I'm glad she's doing better. For what it's worth. I don't hate you. I actually rather like you to some degree. You have a very beautiful daughter and woman. If I were you I'd make sure ta keep the little lady happy. Just some advice."

Peter replied, "I know. Thanks but just keep yer paws off o' Clara and Paddy. Clara because she's mine and Paddy is my best friend."

McVie replied, "Hey. No problem. It's a shame what the girl's family did to her over that article. She's lucky to have a friend like you that would take her in and give her a place to stay."

Peter replied, "Aye and if anyone bothers her I will come down on them like a ton o' bricks. Is that understood? Good. Now let me get my work done." He had to leave the office and do leg work for an article about a gas leak at the opposite end of town. He wound up getting a taxi home because he was to tired and sore to walk that far back. He didn't even realize how long he had been gone until he saw Clara and Penny sitting in his desk chair. He walked over, set his things down and immediately took his sobbing daughter as Clara moved out of his chair so he could sit in it with her on his lap. He said, "Shh. It's all right, Penny. Yer da's all right."

Penny latched onto his jacket and cried, "You didn't call for 4 hours, papa."

Peter sighed, "I know. I'm sorry. I had an article to write and it was at the other end o' town. I didnae realize how long I was gone."

Clara asked, "You're not drinking again are you?"

Peter looked at his girlfriend and snapped, "No, Clara. I'm no' drinking. I gave ye my word. I may be a lot o' thinks but I am no liar. If ye donnae believe me here's the bloody article." He threw in to her side of the desk. He didn't care about all the stares he got from the men in the office for snapping at her.

Clara snapped, "I'm sorry but I know you always lost track of time when you were drinking, Peter. Not that there weren't enough clocks in the place!"

Peter replied, "I'm a bloody alcoholic, Clara. I'm sorry but that is what I am. Ye knew that since ye met me. Even if I donnae drink I will always be tempted. I gave ye my word ta try and stay away from it. That's what I'm doing. If I had beeen drinking I gave ye my word I would tell ye so. Now could I please concentrate on my little girl instead o' yer control freak tendencies? She's more important than whether I've been drinking or no' don't ye think?" He had his arms wrapped around Penny while she sobbed on his shoulder.

Clara snapped, "Well if you had just bloody called every hour like you promised she wouldn't be like this now."

Peter replied, "Ye know what? I cannae control where I am sent. I had ta walk there and my bloody back is throbbing like hell. If ye donnae shut up I WILL be at the press bar getting drunk tonight. Ye are pushing my buttons and trying my patience. I am in no mood ta deal with ye as well right now." Next thing he knew he had been slapped hard across the face. He realized he had just crossed the line of her being angry to her being pissed.

Clara slapped him hard as she could and yelled, "You bloody bastard! Fine get drunk but you can take Penelope with you and watch her until you bloody well apologize to me." With that she walked out of the building and back home. She was so angry with him.

McVie said, "I think you just made the little lady mad, old man. It's not like you to fight with a woman. Why do you allow her to slap you like that?"

Peter just sighed, "I'm just so tired o' be asked...Have ye been drinking? Are ye drunk? Where the hell have ye been? It just gets on my nerves then ta been picking me apart in work with Penny sobbing in my lap... I guess it just hit a nerve. I told her ta slap me if I'm being an asshole so I deserved it.. Shhh. It's all right, Penny. Da and mam are no' mad at ye, love."

Devlin walked out of his office and asked, "What in the hell is going on?"

Peter replied, "Very sorry. It was my fault. I got in ta a disagreement with Clara and Penny was all ready upset. I'm trying to calm her down. She's going a have ta stay with me. Clara is right pissed at me right now. Come one, love calm down for yer old da. I'll sort it out."

Devlin replied, "Do us all a favor and keep your marital dispute out of the newspaper office or I'll have to fire you. As for the wailing child...Just get her quiet as fast as you can."

Peter kept trying to sooth her until her sobs turn into hiccups. He lit a cigarette and starting writing his report while Penny clutched at his waistcoat and sat quietly in his lap. He knew Devlin wasn't found of Penny being here but allowed it as long as she was quiet and let him get his work done. When he left for the day he took Penny to the park and pushed her on the swings for a while before they went home. When he walked in the door he went straight to the sofa, unbuttoned his waistcoat and took off his jacket. Penny sat next to him and placed her hand on his belly. He saw Clara come in the room and sighed, "I donnae feel with dealing with yer anger right now, Clara. Devlin threatened ta fire me if we ever have a fight at the office again. I am tired and just rather deal with it later."

Clara sighed, "Look. I'm sorry. It's just when you said you lost track of time...All I could think of was how you always told me that when you were drunk. It was wrong of me to confront you at work. I just...thought...."

Peter sighed, "I know what ye thought. If ye think so little o' me than why are ye even here, Clara?"

Clara replied, "It's not that."

Peter sighed, "Ye donnae trust me ta keep my word or ta be telling ye the truth. That's as bad as the slap in the face ye gave me when ye walked out o' the office. I cannae have a relationship with someone who cannae trust me. I'm no' saying I'm perfect but I am a fairly honest man and have ALWAYS been honest with ye. I TRUST ye or ye wouldnae still be here, Clara. Trust works both ways. I love ye but if ye cannae trust me.....I need ye ta figure out what ye want because I am too old ta deal with this type o' bullshite."

Clara sighed, "I'm sorry. Trust doesn't come easy for me. I'm damaged because of my previous boyfriend beating me when he was drunk. Deep down I do trust you, Peter. It's just hard to remember sometimes because of what I went through. I don't trust alcoholics."

Peter sighed, "I'm sorry about yer past but I am no' him. I am not a violent alcoholic. I have never hit ye and I never will. If ye cannae trust me...I donnae think ye will ever trust anyone. I am a very gentle and docile man compared ta most. This relationship will not work without mutual trust because every time you donnae trust me I will get more angry until I eventually decide we aren't going ta work."

Clara sighed, "All right. I'll try harder." She watched him nod and went to make dinner. Underneath she knew he was right. Because of her past she couldn't accept that he was trustworthy. He was the best man she could ask for and he treated her well even if he would sometimes verbally lash out at her when Penny had been missing but he had never hit her or beat her. When dinner was ready she called them and Paddy walked in the door. They all sat in silence while they ate. She couldn't really blame him for not talking to her. He was a patient man but it had been wrong of her to accuse him of drinking just because he lost track of time.

Peter just went to bed soon after dinner and vaguely registered Clara getting in on the other side of him before he fell asleep. He loved Clara but he doesn't like that she doesn't trust him to keep his word. He's many things but he's not a liar. He's also a man of his word. He promised to try and stay away from drink and to tell her if he had been drinking. Sadly she was DRIVING him to drink with her constant need to control his every move. He didn't mind it to some degree but there was a limit to what he could deal with in the long run.


	19. Mending Fences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Clara finally talk again

Peter couldn't bear to talk to Clara for a week and took Penny with him to work because that's what Clara had told him to do. He was very hurt by Clara's accusations even though he did understand her distrust of alcoholics but he had thought he had proven he wasn't going to hurt her like her last boyfriend had. He worked on his articles while Penny was quietly sitting in his lap. He leaned back in his chair smoking a cigarette while Penny ran her little fingers through his hair. He asked, "Why cannae yer mam trust me, Penny? I havenae done anything ta hurt her...I'm sorry ye probably don't understand."

Paddy came over and said, "Dr. Pete? What actually happened?"

Peter sighed, "We had a big blow up and now we aren't talking. She's bloody angry with me and I'm bloody well hurt by her accusing me o' lying ta her."

Paddy said, "Maybe you should talk to each other about how you feel?"

Peter sighed, "Did that. She needs ta figure out wut she wants from me and our...relationship."

Paddy asked, "What do you want from it?"

Peter groaned, "A wife that trusts me and stops judging and comparing ta her old bastard o' a boyfriend before me."

Paddy asked, "Do you love Clara?"

Peter sighed, "Aye. I love her more than ye'll ever understand. I never planned on it but it happened."

Paddy replied, "Then maybe you should forgive her. I know she loves you. She just has a lot of trust issues."

Peter replied, "That my dear girl is an obvious assumption. I cannae get past her hatred o' alcoholics. I'm no' yer typical alcoholic that comes 'ome drunk and beats their wife."

Paddy replied, "I know that but somehow you need to get Clara to see that. To see how much love and cherish her. Not talking to each other won't solve any problems. All that's going to do is drive a wedge between you."

Peter groaned, "Ye are right, Paddy. I'm just an old love sick idiot when it comes ta her." That night when he went home he decided to have a talk with Clara while Paddy kept an eye on Penny. He sat at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette and said, "Clara, I'm sorry. I need ye ta understand that I want someone who can trust me ta be honest and no' judge me or compare me ta some other bastard. I've never been good with words but.....I love ye with every fiber o' my being. I'd never hurt ye or beat ye. If I did I would kill myself because I couldnae live with wut I had done. Aye I am a bloody drunk but I'm no' a violent man at all. Even if ye beat me ta a bloody pulp I'd never raise a hand ta yet. Not even ta defend myself because ye are more important ta me than my own life. If ye cannae see ME instead o' the other one.....If ye wish ta leave it will break my heart but I'll no' fight ye if that is what ye truly want."

Clara replied, "I'm sorry I made you so angry. I love you..I.."

Peter sighed, "I'm no' angry anymore. I'm HURT. I'm just a tired, love sick, old man. I donnae have times ta play games with anyone especially no' my girlfriend."

Clara replied, "I'm not playing games with you. I WANT to see you as different than him. I just sometimes can't help it."

Peter stood up and ground out, "I donnae compare ye ta my dead wife...I donnae want ta be compared ta yer ex-boyfriend. I donnae beat ye, treat ye like trash, or desert ye when we are together! I donnae understand why ye hate me so much. He was a bastard ta ye but I have NOT been. I am trying ta be patient but I expected ye ta realize that by now. Ye think about THAT and what ye want from ME. Now if ye need me I'll be at the PUB getting DRUNK." He then walked out the door and to the Press Bar. By time he was half drunk he looked up to see Clara sit down across from him. He whispered, "Leave us alone." He took a drink of whiskey and lit a cigarette.

Clara took his hand and quietly said, "I...don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're right. I have been comparing you to him because you both are alcoholics but you aren't like him. You are kind, loving, gentle, and devoted.You have been so good to me..I don't deserve someone like you. I've just been to stupid and stubborn to see past my anger. I'm just afraid of getting my heart broken again so I push you away. It's not fair to you and I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's my defense mechanism just like yours is sarcasm. I love you so much and I'm terrified of it. I'm terrified of being hurt by you throwing me out, not loving me anymore or even dying on me. I'm just so happy with you it scares the bloody hell out of me because I'm waiting for the end of it. I'm so sorry I hurt you. It's not you that's the problem. It's me and my fears. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me....I'd like to try and make this relationship work. If you would rather I leave...Then I'll move out in the morning." She went to stand up but he stopped her.

Peter turned his hand over and clasped it around hers when she went to leave. When she sat back down he took his glasses off and tossed them on the table before rubbing his eyes. He took a drag on his cigarette and with a slur and thick brogue he replied, "I'm afraid I'm probably exactly what ye deserve. I'd all ready forgiven ye when I stopped being angry, my Clara. I'll eventually get over the hurt in time. I just needed ta know what ye wanted. I want a WIFE that loves me even if I am a drunk and trusts me when I give 'er my word. I donnae judge ye or mistrust yer word."

Clara whispered, "You. I want you, Peter."

Peter shakily entwined both their hands together on the table and whispered, "Ok, eudail. Ok." He met her kiss across the table before she moved over next to him to lean into his side while he held her close with one arm. He bought her a glass of wine while he had another scotch. They weren't completely fixed but their relationship was healing. He stumbled back home later while Clara giggled at him stumbling and the stories he was telling her. When he finally managed to stumble in his door with Clara he managed to get to his bedroom with only falling over a chair and the sofa before he ran into his bedroom door. He changed and fell into bed falling instantly asleep.

Clara could tell he was pretty drunk since he kept stumbling and falling over things but tonight she didn't care because they were working on fixing their relationship. She now realized that she loved him drunk or sober because he is a good man and treated her well. That's what terrified her was he was too good to be true but now she realized he's just as flawed as she is but he tries to be a good boyfriend. Then she realized he had said he wanted a wife and wondered if that meant he was asking her to marry him. She just decided to wait and see what happens. If he truly did want to marry her he'd ask her when he was ready too. She slipped into bed next to her very drunk boyfriend and joined him in sleep.


	20. Cousin Missy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok....I decided to add Missy, drama and a cliff hanger....Sorry yes I am evil at times.

A couple of months later Clara was giving Peter a drinking allowance again. They had all moved into a larger apartment a few floors down with 2 bedrooms because it was long overdue. He was glad he could stay in the same building as it was close to both work and the press bar. He was getting along with Clara again and sh looked after Penny. Clara didn't fight him over drinking again as long as she knew what he was doing and he called Penny every our so she knew her old man was still alive and safe. Penny and Paddy were sharing the same room while he and Clara were in the other even though most nights he would wake up to Penny crawling in on his side of the bed and curling up on his shoulder. He hadn't expected any different seeing she had slept next to him since she was born. It would take time for her to adjust to sleeping away from him and he just hoped Clara had the patients to wait until Penny was ready to leave the safety of her da's bed.

Clara watched Peter sleeping and was surprised at how much younger he looked because all the worry and stress lines left his face. She ran her fingers through his thick fluffy gray hair and smiled when he moved his head to rub against her hand in his sleep. She kissed his cheek before laying down in his shoulder. 

One day Peter went to work before going to the press bar and realized it was their anniversary. He wound up taking a cab to a jewelry shop. He wasn't exactly sure what to get her but he found something as beautiful as her. It was a the last thing he ever planned to buy but knew it was a perfect gift.

Clara was making dinner when Peter stumbled in the door but she realized he wasn't drunk as he was shaking like a leaf from withdrawal. She was finishing dinner when she felt his shaky hands rest on her belly as his arms wrapped around her. She leaned back against him and felt him start to kiss her neck. She asked, "Are you all right, Peter? You normally aren't this charming or affectionate."

Peter led to the table and had her sit down and pulled out his present. He saw the surprise on her face and replied, "I'm an alcoholic and not much o' a husband but I did remember our anniversary o' the day we met, eudail. Ye are the most beautiful woman in the world. Ye are the star in my sky. It isnae much but...it reminded me o' ye. I..hope ye like it."

Clara looked at Peters shaking hands holding a jewelry box. She watched him open it and gasped in surprised. It was a pendant in the form of a starburst of light blue stones set in gold. She whispered, "It's...beautiful, Peter. How did you.....You're not drunk. You used the money you had to buy me this beautiful necklace instead of drinking. That has to be one of the sweetest things you've done for me. I'm sorry I didn't get you anything. Can you help me put it on?"

Peter stammered, "Ye donnae need ta get me anything...Yer love is present enough. I'd love ta help ye put it on but....my hands are shaking too bad, Clara. I'm sorry." He watched her finally manage to clasp it together and whispered, "It looks lovely on ye, eudail."

Clara kissed him firmly on the lips and said, "Thank you. I love you. Happy anniversary." She watched his cheeks turn pink. After dinner they went to the press bar and had a drink together as a couple. As they were walking home she was laughing and holding his arm. She was listening to his crazy stories when he stopped mid sentence and she followed his stare to a woman about his age dressed like Mary Poppins??

Peter stared at the woman standing in front of him and finally slurred, "Bloody 'ell. Wut ye want from me, Missy?"

Missy grinned and replied, "Oh dear Peter. I thought we meant something ta each other. Who is this lovely lady with ye? I always thought ye were the alcoholic loner type."

Clara noticed this woman had a thick brogue like Peter but she was confused. She asked, "Peter?"

Peter took a drag on his cigarette and slurred, "Clara, Missy, my cousin. Missy, Clara my fiancé."

Missy cooed, "Oh...so ye did finally move on from the one that's quite dead. Good for ye...How is my lovely niece by the way? Such a charming little girl she was last I saw her. How old is this one? 20? Bit young for ye isn't she?"

Clara said, "I'll have you know I am 30 years old and I chased him."

Missy laughed, "Oh she's a little spit fire inn she? Thought I heard ye had cancer?"

When he saw Clara's startled look he replied, "Ye heard wrong. I was in the hospital but it was for pneumonia no' cancer."

Missy laughed, "Ye probably wouldn't have many people at yer funeral anyway. Pity really. Ye always were the good one."

Peter sighed, "Donnae mind 'er. She always was the morbid sort. Rather touched in the'ead as well."

Missy cackled, "Oh I'm totally BANANAS, bonkers, off my rocker...well I think you get the drift. Was committed a few times but they let me go so I thought I'd catch up with my dear beloved Cousin."

Peter sighed, "Wut do ye want?"

Missy grabbed Clara a placed a knife to her throat and chuckled, "I need money and a place to stay until I can get out o' town. Thought I'd just bunk with my dear brother and niece. I didnae expect ta find a lovely girl like ye with my sickly useless drunk brother. Hmmm. Maybe I'll kill him and keep you. Ye are way better looking than he is at any rate."

Peter held his hands up and pleaded, "Please, Missy. Donnae hurt her. I'll let ye do whatever ye want ta me. Ye can 'ave whatever ye want just donnae hurt my Clara."

Missy deadpanned, "Move it, old man or yer child bride will be a very dead one."

Peter stumbled to their home while Missy moved forward with Clara hoping that Paddy doesn't try anything when they get there because his cousin was batshite bonkers and would do just about anything if it struck her fancy. Just like her father that raped him so long ago. He groaned, "They didnae let ye out. Ye escaped."

Missy laughed, "Only took ye 15 minutes ta figure out that..Ye never were all that quick in yer head and got even slower once ye became a drunk. Now if ye give me what I want and say something nice I may just leave yer.....little family breathing. If not...well Ye won't have ta worry about them anymore and I'll be having a lot o' fun with yer old arse." Then she made a snorting with a biting motion.

Clara gasped, "You are completely mad."

Missy smirked and replied, "Aw now that wasn't very nice. Yer lucky I find ye attractive. Maybe ye'll be more fun than the old drunk was years ago. He did nothing but give me and da trouble. At least he could keep his mouth shut."

Peter snorted, "It's no' like ye gave me a choice. If I said anything I'd be beaten as well as RAPED. I'm sorry ye had the da ye did because you are what raised ye."

Missy cackled, "Well...Then ye know I'm perfectly capable o' doing what I want ta all o' ye and then I might be bananas enough ta kill all o' ye."

Peter replied, "Aye. That's why I cannae let ye do it."

Missy sighed, "And how do ye think ye are going ta do that? Ye are nothing but a worthless, useless, old drunk."

Peter replied, "Aye. I 'ave nothing ta lose then. I'm sorry, eudail." He rushed Missy knocking her to the ground catching her off guard enough that Clara wasn't hurt. He spun her away from Clara and fell to the ground with her. He wound up gasping when he felt the knife go in his stomach. 

Missy threw him off and sneered, "Well that was very stupid, old man. Da should have let me kill ye when we done with ye like I wanted. Now I'm going ta kill ye, yer girlfriend AND take my frustration out on yer little brat. Oh how much fun we'll have when no one is left ta miss her."

Peter growled, "Ye will no' touch my daughter ye psycho bitch!" He wasn't sure how he got the strength but he ripped the knife out of her hand, spun her around and slit her throat. He hated to admit it but he enjoyed the look of shock on her face as she fell to her knees in front of him. He spat, "Ye wonnae TOUCH my family! Go to HELL!" After she was dead he collapsed to the ground himself too weak to support himself anymore.

Clara ran over and fell to her knees and held his head in her lap. She gasped, "Peter?" She felt her hand come away wet and started yelling for help.

Peter lifted his hand and said, "I love ye. Please tell Paddy and Penny I love them too. Please take care o' my little girl, Clara. Ye are safe now."

Clara whispered, "No, Peter. You can't leave me. No. No. No!" Eventually someone came to help them and Peter was unconscious by then. He was rushed to the hospital while Missy was taken to the morgue. She sat in the waiting room waiting to hear anything after giving her statement to the police. She called Pete's and told Paddy what happened and where they are. She cried herself to a fitful sleep.


	21. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete recovers but gets disturbing news

A few hours later Clara was woken up to someone shaking her shoulder and looked up to see Paddy and Penny. She groaned, 'You shouldn't have brought her until I know what's happening."

Paddy replied, "She heard me talking to you and insisted on coming."

Doctor McCleary asked, "Mclltchie?"

Clara said, "That's us. Is Peter all right?"

Dr. McCleary replied, "He lost a lot of blood. Luckily the knife didn't get any major organs. It was too short and the fat around his middle protected anything vital. He did require stitches. How did he get stabbed?"

Clara replied, "His cousin showed up and threatened us. He was trying to protect me. She had a knife to my throat. The same knife he got stabbed with after betting her away from me. He expected to die...Om my God. "

Dr. McCleary said, "He's very weak but he should recover. He's not a well man is he? I only ask because it will probably take longer for him to recover."

Clara replied, "No..He's not. I'm not even sure of his ailments. I just know he's not well. He smokes and....is an alcoholic."

Penny said, "Papa has a bad back, heart and lungs. He coughs a lot and tires easily. His Doctor is Dr. McCrimmon."

Dr. McCleary replied, "I'll see if I can track down his medical records. Thank you."

Clara asked, "When can we see him?"

Dr. McCleary said, "I'll have a nurse fetch you as soon as he's moved. Are you all family?"

Clara replied, "Yes. I am his wife and these are his daughters." She watched the doctor nod before leaving. A couple hours later they were shown into his room. She took hold of his hand and carded her fingers through his unruly curls. She smiled when his eyes fluttered open.

Peter rasped, "Clara? Wut?"

Clara replied, "Hey. You are going to be ok. She missed anything vital. You ....God I was so worried about you, Peter."

Penny ran over crying, "Papa. Papa!"

Peter looked down and saw Penny. He held out his free hand out too her. He rasped, "Thank god ye are safe. Help her up will ye, lassies?" When she was up on the bed he let her curl up on his shoulder groaning when her hand pressed on his knife wound.

Penny cried, "I'm sorry, papa. What did I do?"

Peter rasped, "It's all right. Just be careful where yer 'and is, A Stor. Papa's belly was hurt. Aw..Penny. I'm no' going ta die yet, lassie. I do nothing ta ye but cause grieve." He started coughing hard and groaned from the pain it caused when he belly moved. He felt Penny clutching tightly to his hospital gown. When he finally was able to stop he was sweating and panting from the exertion. He felt Penny's little frame shaking against his and a wet spot on his gown. He wrapped his arm tightly around her and sighed. He caused his little girl nothing but heartache. In a way he had hoped that he would die so she'd be freed of her worthless da. If he had he knew Clara would raise her right. 

Penny cried and cried against his chest with her head over his beating heart. She looked up when a policeman came into the room and panicked. She felt her father's arm tightened around her and tried to calm down.

DI McCoy was surprised to find a little girl in the bed with the hurt man but shook it off. He asked, "Peter Mclltchie? Do you feel up to answering a few questions?"

Peter rasped, "Go ahead."

DI McCoy asked, "Who was the dead woman? Who killed her? Why? Did you know her?"

Peter rasped, "She was my psychopathic cousin. She....used ta rape me with her da when I was a lad. She later did the same when I was a young man one and off up until 6 years ago. I was the one that killed her. She...had a knife ta my wife's throat threatening ta do the same ta her and my girls that she did ta me. I knew she would if given the chance rushed her and she stabbed me. I had thought I was going to die. I had ta protect my family so I killed her. I just couldn't die with her alive ta hurt my family. I'm sorry ta say I'm no' sorry she's dead." He started coughing again and groaned when the movement hurt his wound. He nodded at Paddy when she handed him a glass of water. Eventually the coughing stopped and he said, ";Ye can ask my wife if ye donnae believe me."

DI McCoy asked, "Where can I find her?"

Clara said, "I am Peter's wife." She was going to go along with the family thing because she started it to get all of them in to see him.

DI McCoy did a double take and replied, "My apologies, Mrs. Mclltchie. I thought you were one of his daughters based on your young age."

Clara replied, "Everything my husband says is true, Detective. I did not know what she did until she boasted about ...raping my husband when he was a boy."

Penny cried, "She was HIS little girl, papa?"

Peter replied, "Aye. She was the daughter o' THAT uncle."

DI McCoy asked, "What was her name?"

Peter sighed, "Missy...Sorry...Melissa Mclltchie. Her da's name was Dougan and they lived in Dumfries. Last I had heard her da died and she was in an institution. I'm sorry I donnae know the name o' the institution."

DI McCoy replied, "Thank you for your time. I'll let you know if we need anything else."

Clara gasped, "She raped you until 6 years ago? My god...No wonder you were terrified of it happening to us."

A few hours later DI McCoy came back and asked, "Were you aware she has a daughter?"

Peter rasped, "How old?"

DI McCoy saw the look on the older man's face and replied, "The little girl is 6 years old and apparently was born Oct. 2. Says her father is you on the birth certificate."

Peter paled and whispered, "Oh my God! No. Please no."

Clara asked, "What is it, Peter? What are you ashamed of? Why did Missy say the child is....yours?"

Peter Swallowed and croaked, "Missy..... She had this sick belief I was 'er boyfriend. I'm ashamed ta admit the last time she raped me I.....responded ta her and she um...took advantage o' that. The child was born almost 9 months after I had last seen her....The child IS mine. Fucking Christ...."

Penny asked, "I have a sister?"

Peter whispered, "Aye. Ye do."

DI McCoy asked, "Do you want me to bring her here? Or just place her?"

Peter croaked, "Bring her to me. I think we should wait until I am out of the hospital though. She has to be mine. I cannae desert her...no' after I killed her mam. I donnae want her ta know anything except that I am her da and she's going ta be living with me now.. I donnae want 'er ta know the shame I carry. Not now. When she's old enough ta understand I may tell her. What's her name?"

DI McCoy replied, "Lana Maureen Mclltchie."

Peter cursed, "That bitch. I donnae know how she found out about Mary and Penny but this is a new low. Naming the child after my mam. Forgive me....I need time ta accept this detective. It's no' every day ye are raped and find out ye fathered a child. Let alone with yer own cousin."

Detective McCoy replied, "There is something else you should know. She is mentally retarded and it looks like her mother did the same to her she did to you. Only difference is she beat her as well."

Peter gasped, "My God. If I hadn't killed her I would. Her OWN child for bloody sake!" When he looked at Clara he suddenly asked, "Do any o' ye object ta me taking in my own child?"

Clara sighed, "If you want to take the child then I'll manage. I'm more worried about you having a child that reminded you every day of what Missy did to you."

Peter stiffly replied, "I donnae have a choice. It's because o' me her mam is dead. Then the fact she's my own flesh and blood? No I cannae desert her even if she is the ....spawn o' Missy. I can only hope being raise by us rather than her mam that the child will grow up ta not be like the crazy woman who bore her. I will need time but I will live with my shame and find away to love her. It's no' her fault her mam did what she did ta me and made her by the same method. She can't be all bad. She is my child after all."


	22. Lana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone meets Lana. Ok here's some sweetness...

Clara was worried her all ready depressed boyfriend would wind up even more depressed after this revelation. She was both relieved and dreading when Peter came home a week later because they were supposed to meet Lana a few days later. The social worker that brought Lana was a friendly middle aged woman. Clara had to admit the child did resemble Peter with the curly brown hair and his eyes.

Peter had dressed in a clean suit and didn't drink the day Lana came to meet them. He could tell the minute he met her she was his child. He knelt in front of her and said, "Lana? I'm Peter..Yer da. This is yer sister Penny, Paddy and Clara."

Lana stammered, "Dada? I can stay here? I no go back to Missy?"

Peter replied, "Aye. As long as there isnae any objections then ye can stay with us. Either way ye will not go back ta yer mama and I will be part o' yer life. I promise." He was surprised when he suddenly had the girl wrapped around him and sobbing. He whispered, "I'm so sorry, Lana. I didnae know ye existed until now.." He wasn't fond of being called dada but figured he'd get used to it if he had too.

Sandra said, "Mr. Mclltchie. I'm Sandra McDonald. I am sorry that this didn't happen at a better time. You are the girl's father?"

Peter stammered, "Aye. I am. My name is on her birth certificate. I wasnae aware she existed and therefore now claim my right ta raise her as her mam....is unable ta anymore."

Sandra replied, "Very well. If everything checks out then I will let you know my decision. Now who are these lovely women?"

Peter replied, "This little girl is my daughter Penny. The younger woman over there is Paddy. She's my best friend. The lovely woman with the inflated eyes and worried look on 'er face is Clara...my um."

Clara pitied him, walked over and said, "I'm his wife. I'm a homemaker so will always be around while Peter works. I'd need to say that Peter is a wonderful father. Before we met he had raised Penny by himself for about 5 years. He adores her and she adores him. We've had some....difficulties along the way but it had nothing to with him not being a good and loving father."

Sandra replied, "Well that's good to hear. What are the sleeping arrangements? Will the child have her own room?"

Penny replied, "She'll be sleeping in my room with me and Paddy."

Sandra asked, "Paddy? Is she you're daughter as well?"

Paddy replied, "I'm a bit like an adopted daughter. My family threw me out and Dr. Pete took me in and gave me a place to stay. We have been best friends for over 2 years now. We both work at the Daily News."

Sandra replied, "Well...That was rather kind of him. Do you often take in strays, Mr. Mclltchie?"

Peter replied, "Not usually. Only stray I took in really was Clara which was the best choice I ever made. Paddy I had known for 2 years all ready when she moved in with us." He moved to a chair a lit a cigarette before taking a long drag.

Sandra asked, "Is there anything that can go against me giving you custody of the child?"

Peter replied, "I'm no' a well man but that's nothing that would be a problem. I am...an alcoholic. That is the only issue ye may find. I'm no' violent or squander my money. I have never hurt or yelled at my daughter. I always saved enough for us ta live. Clara now controls our money. I donnae get plastered anymore. I'm still sober enough ta function and take care o' my family. If I ever am too drunk Clara or Paddy would watch the girls. I usually just drink enough ta get the shakes ta go away. It does leave me a bit tipsy but no' unable ta take care o' my family. I work a full time job, make sure my bills are paid, make sure Penny has everything she needs . I am sober on the weekends when I am with her all day. I donnae keep alcohol in the apartment so I'm not tempted ta drink after I get home."

Sandra sighed, "That will be a mark against you but the fact you admitted it might work in you favor as long as everything else checks out because you do have two adult woman who can be responsible for the child if you are....out of sorts."

Peter sighed, "Look I just do' want my child ta grow up no' knowing 'er da or being bounced from one home ta the next. She deserves better than that. Even if it will be an adjustment for all o' us...She deserves ta have a real family and know what is is ta be loved."

Sandra replied, "I'll see what I can do. You are a better option than a foster home and she seems to have accepted you well enough."

Peter looked down at Penny playing with Lana at his feet and replied, "Aye. That she has." After more questions and looking around the apartment he watched Sandra leave with a sobbing Lana. He hugged the girl and said, "It'll be all right. I'm no' going ta desert ye no matter what. I promise." He kissed her temple and handed her over to Sandra. He was already falling in love with the girl. Little did he know he'd be fighting to get custody of her for 6 months. He was told where she was living and they allowed him and Penny to visit Lana 3 times a week. The first time he visited her she ran over and wrapped her arms around his legs yelling 'dada' to him. He had been informed that she was mentally about 3 years behind her physical age. He bent down to pick her up and had her hook her legs around his hips. He said, "How are ye, Lana?"

Lana pulled on his tie and said, "Ok. I want go home with you." She didn't really know her father but she felt he was far better than her mom had been. She was scared of women because of her mom and only felt safe with this man.

Peter replied, "I know. We are working on it. I donnae know how long it will take. Yer da needs ye ta be patient. Can ye do that for me?"

Lana replied, "I'll try."

Peter kissed her temple and replied, "That's all I ask for, my wee lassie." He set her down when he saw a middle-aged lady in an apron. He set Lana down and held out a shaking hand and said, "Peter Mclltchie. I've come ta see Lana here. The social worker told me she told ye."

Cindy McDoole was the foster mother of about 5 children. She looked in the living room from her baking to see a skinny middle aged man holding little Lana. She came out and when he introduced herself she asked, "You are her...?"

Peter sighed, "I'm 'er da. This is 'er sister Penny."

Cindy replied, "Sorry. I expected a younger man. Especially when I was told you have a daughter a year younger."

Peter replied, "I had a family late in life. Didnae plan on it but wouldnae change it for anything."

Cindy asked, "Are you drunk, Mr. Mclltchie?"

Penny piped up, "Papa is stone cold sober. He would never come her drunk, ma'am."

Cindy asked, "Why do you look drunk or high?"

Peter replied, "Oh that may have ta do with the pill I take for my back. It's a strong pill. Makes me a bit uhh loopy? I think is the word. The court has a record o' the meds I take if ye donnae believe me."

Cindy replied, "They also told me you are an alcoholic. Thusly if you come here drunk you may not see the child."

Peter replied, "I assure ye I will not ever show up here drunk. I want ta see my girl. I will no' jeopardize that by being drunk."

Cindy replied, "Very well. Please come in a sit down. I was told you are permitted to see her on Saturday and 2 days a week for 3 hours. Saturday you are permitted to see her all day if you wish. You may get to know each other better here. You may go out into the backyard with her to play as well. You are just not allowed to leave here with her for the time being."

Peter replied, "Fair enough. Come girls." He sat on the floor with them while they played with some of the toys in the home. He took them outside so he could have a cigarette and he pushed the girls on the swings. When it was time to leave he hugged her and said, "I'll be back ta see ye in a couple o' days, hhokay?"

Lana replied, "Ok, dada."

The more Peter saw her the harder it was to leave her there. He knew if he had any chance of getting her he had to play by the rules but he hated it because Missy hadn't played by the rules when she got pregnant. He felt Penny curl up against his side and knew she sensed his mood. a couple months later he showed up with a grey teddy bear for her. She loved it because it was the only toy that was hers and he gave it to her. A month later Cindy talked to him before he saw Lana.

Cindy said, "I don't have any idea how you do it but that child adores you. She cries for an hour after you leave and panics at bedtime if she can't find Pepper. Won't go to sleep without him. She has nightmares unless she has Pepper."

Peter said, "Sorry? Pepper?"

Cindy laughed, "The teddy bear you brought her. She named it Pepper after you and your gray hair. She won't share him or hardly put him down. I wasn't sure about you at first but now that I've seen you with both your children I have to say regardless of you addiction to alcohol and cigarettes you are a good father to them. How did you lose her to the system?"

Peter replied, "I didnae know she existed until her mam...died. I was never told about her. Penny has been with me since she was born because her mam was my wife. Lana's...mam and me didnae exactly get along. A lot o' bad blood between us. Let's leave it at that. Lana is still my child and I will fight for her though. It's no' her fault her mam was the way she was ta me. She deserves ta be with her da and sister."

Cindy asked, "Were you aware she was abused by someone?"

Peter choked, "Aye. I was. I know who did it as well. Missy. I found out when I was informed she existed."

Cindy asked, "Who is Missy?"

Peter croaked, "Missy is....was her mam. A very violent and abusive woman. Takes after her da. If I had known about Lana I would have taken her sooner. She didnae deserve what that...woman put her through." He watched Cindy walk away and a few minutes later he had Lana wrapped around his legs. He had come alone today because Penny had the flu. He said, "Hey, Lana. Ye been a good girl for yer da?"

Lana looked up at her father and replied, "Yes, dada."

Peter braced his hands on his knees and leaned over to her eye level. He said, "That's my wee lassie. Ye want ta go play?"

Lana asked, "Where Penny? They take her?"

Peter replied, "No. She's just sick. If she's feeling up to it I'll bring her on Saturday ta play with ye." When he got a nod he painfully straightened out and held his hand out to her and let her lead him where she wanted to go. They eventually wound up outside with him pushing her on the swing while he held Pepper. He smelled the bear and realized it smelled like him. It appeared that she is comforted by his scent and that's why she needed the teddy bear to sleep. When he left that evening she was clinging to his pants.

Lana cried, "Love you, dada. Don go."

Peter knelt down and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple. He rasped, "I have ta go, Lana. I promise I'll be back Saturday."

Lana cried, "I wanna go with you!"

Peter replied, "I know. Hopefully soon. I know it's hard, lassie. Ye need ta be strong, hhokay?"

Lana sniffled, "Ok, dada."

Peter replied, "That's my girl." He gave her another hug and kiss before he painfully stood up and went home. He hoped it wouldn't take much longer for the system to decided if he was good enough because it was killing both of them. When he got home Penny crawled in his lap the minute he sat down.

Penny asked, "Papa? Lana's not going to replace me is she?"

Peter was taking a drag on his cigarette and started coughing from the shock of the question. he croaked, "Why on earth would ye ask that, A Stor?"

Penny replied, "She's older than me and I'm ...."

Peter sighed, "Penelope Mclltchie. Ye are not being replaced. I love you with every fiber of my being but I also love Lana. Yer never going to lose me, love. Yer just going ta have ta share me. Donnae ye think yer sister deserves ta know her da and have a proper family?"

Penny replied, "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm just scared of losing you."

Peter lightly kissed her lips and replied, "I understand but ye are never going ta lose me. Ye are just gaining a sister and playmate. Yer still going ta always be my A Stor, hhokay?"

Penny curled against his side and replied, "Ok."

By the end of the 6 months Peter was relieved when he was finally awarded custody of Lana. He went to the foster home with Penny and when Lana ran into his arms he hugged her tightly. He said, "Ye are coming home with me today. I just need ta talk ta yer foster mom."

Cindy placed Lana's suitcase down next to the older man and his 2 daughters. She said, "No need. Congratulations. These are the things she came with and here's Pepper."

Peter replied, "Thank ye for taking good care o' her. Come on my lassies. Let's go home." He picked up Lana's suitcase and they got into the cab that he had wait for them. He was instantly flanked by both girls curled into his sides. He had gone out and gotten a bigger bed for his two daughters. It was big enough that he could lay down with them if he had too because they were scared or just want 'daddy time' instead of them having to crawl in with him and Clara.. So he knew it was big enough for them as they grew up. He still had to sort out how to fit Paddy and the girls together with toys and clothes for 2 girls but he'd figure it out. He had bought her some toys and books as well as clothes when he knew she was coming home. When he got home he showed Lana the room she was going to be staying in, the toys, books, and clothes he got her. He had already asked Penny to share some of her toys with Lana but only the ones she wanted to share. He left them playing in their room and went to make a cup of tea. He took his suit jacket and tie off and unbuttoned his waistcoat. It was time to take another pain pill for his back. He then sat on the sofa to have a cigarette but found that he was soon not alone. Peter groaned, "Auck now. Don' ye want ta play? Yer da's hurting."

Penny said, "Your back?"

Peter replied, "Aye, Penny. I need a while for the meds ta kick in before ye go jumping on my old aching bones, lassies." He hadn't expected Lana to start wailing like a banshee when he told them to go play. He sighed, "All right. Come're." So he wound up trying to smoke a cigarette with Lana on his left side and Penny on his right curled up with their heads on his shoulders. Penny automatically pulled his shirt out of his trousers and slipped her hand under it to rest on his soft round belly. He could tell Lana wasn't sure what to do. He sighed, "Go ahead if ye want ta follow yer sister. It's all right. I'm used ta it, Lana." He felt her hesitantly follow her sister's example until her palm rested flat against his soft belly next to Penny's hand. He was amazed how both his girls and Clara were drawn to his soft round belly. He was used to having at least one hand resting there under his shirt so he may as well allow Lana to do it as well. 

When Clara came home from shopping she found Peter fast asleep on the sofa with both girls asleep on him. She smiled and started dinner. When she was almost done she heard a snort and knew Peter had woken up. She thought it was adorable how when he wakes up in a sitting position he snorts in surprise. 

Peter woke up with a snort and groaned when he jerked his back. He moved his arm so he could take off his glasses and scrub a hand over his face. He coughed a deep dry cough that shook his body. He soon had 2 fuzzy looking faces studying him. He rasped, "I'm all right, lassies. That pill knocks me out for a couple o' hours when I take it. He felt a kiss in the side of his head and blushed.

Paddy had come in a few minutes before Pete woke up . When he did she kissed the side of his head and wrapped her arms around his neck. She said, "Welcome back, sleep head." She saw the blush on his face and smiled before she went and sat in the chair across from the sofa.

Peter rasped, "Welcome home, Paddy. Ye remember Lana?"

Paddy replied, "Yeah. Glad she finally got home. Nice to see you again."

Lana asked, "Paddy? Sister?"

Paddy replied, "I guess I kind of am. You're going to be bunking with me and Penny."

Lana replied, "Yes. I share with Penny."

Clara came out and bent over to look at Lana. She said, "Hey, Lana. I'm Clara."

Lana asked, "Dada's Clara? Mama?"

Clara chuckled, "Yeah I'll be your mama if you want. I'm Penny's mama too now."

Lana replied, "Ok." She followed her new family to the table and had dinner with them. She watched her father the most so happy to finally be with him. She was still a little leery of the women but if daddy was ok with them then she'd try to accept them. She liked her new sister.

After dinner Peter let the girls play until bedtime. He sat in the center of the bed leaning against the headboard while they leaned on him and he read them Cinderella. When he was done he kissed both girls goodnight and tucked them in. He then went to the room he and Clara shared to change. He slipped in the bed and was almost asleep when Clara slipped in beside him. He turned to his side and they kissed a few times before he closed his eyes again. He said, "Sorry, eudail. I'm very tired."

Clara replied, "It's all right, Peter. You get some sleep. It's been a long eventful day for you and the girls." She smiled as she realized he was all ready asleep. She kissed his forehead and wrapped an arm loosely around his waist and went to sleep as well.


End file.
